Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Yesterday, I met with my oncologist to chat, get examined, and review my numbers. They were down a bit. I was a bit bummed, but then I remembered how busy I was. I had two parties (CAbi and Partylite), went to the fair, got my son ready for preschool (no small feat), went sailing all day Saturday and, oh yeah, and then, on Sunday, I had a fabulous dinner and a glass of wine not to mention rode to the restaurant with my girlfriend in her convertible with the top down. It was raining, but it was fun and Marlene said, "While you still have hair, we gonna let it blow in the wind Baby!!!!!" She is a kick and people think I am nuts..... So my numbers are down - I had fun, but I will rest more this time. I think my oncologist and colon rectal docs are a little perplexed by me. I came up with a "new plan" for my fissures that I faxed to my colon rectal doc and told my oncologist. I told them my goal was to have as many good days between rounds as possible - I want 10 out of 14, not 9, 8, 7, 6, etc. 10 or more. Non-negotiable. They both agreed to the plan smiling and shaking their heads at the same time. I am not sure what that meant, but it seemed like it was something like, "Does this chick ever give up?!?!?!" I told them when I started that I would be the patient that they talk about and I think I am. By the way, thus far, my plan is working, but lets not tease the piranha quite yet. Enjoy the sun, Ang
Posted by Angela Clarno at 5:41 PM
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Life is full of ups and downs. You know what to do...
Going sailing, driving with the top down in a convertible, it conjures up the image of wild fun. Sounds like you pulled all the stops and just let it float in the breeze. But you are right do not tease the piranha for they are primitive creatures and do not have a well developed sense of humor. You are also right that it is sometimes necessary to touch and feel and just be Angela.pat&mag
Hi Angela. I wrote a response to one of your blogs and somehow it did not go through. So, now I have caught up to your messages and will do it again. (Hopefully, it will not show up twice, as I'm afraid I'm a bit of a novice at this.) Also, I can see by proof-reading it, perhaps the late hour contributes to my lack of decorum (be forewarned).
Anyway, I got a little behind in my reading but not in my prayers and thoughts for you and your family. In my absence, I realized I have come to rely in some way on your comments and those of the others in here. It feels like a whole little Angela community has sprung up and rallied around you. I've valued reading the recurring commentors like pat&mag, Bob, Aunt Jane, and the others. What are we going to do when you are well and recovered? You will just have to keep your blog going for the next 42 years plus!
One of the things I wanted to address--as a cancer sojourner and 9-year SURVIVOR myself--is the validation of the fissure pain. What a horrible business that is! The pain blocks out all logical thought, brings out total emotion and sometimes a feeling of childlike helplessness. This is no hemmorhoid! It reminds me of the time my lovebird latched onto my nipple with her beak (yes, through my clothes), biting and re-biting and not letting go until I pried her off in bewilderment and shock! What the heck could I have possibly done to deserve that?!!!? Somehow I have total sympathy for those who decide to get body parts pierced--only they have a choice about it! There is no real description for the pain. So, you are entitled to complain a lot about it!!!
And you are entitled to some relief. If it helps any, I was prescribed nitroglycerin 0.2% ointment. It worked great to block the pain. Caused my heart to race and gave me a big headache, but the butt pain was gone. Took meds for the head, and then found relief. Not sure if you can take such a med while going through chemo, but I swear by it if you can. I was even willing to pay for it out-of-pocket as insurance did not fully cover it. Whatever it takes, do it!!!
I wish I could sign this but I'd be a laughing stock at work, wouldn't I? I'd start getting lapel pins shaped like birds or something. (I'd have to avoid wearing them in the general nipple area, wouldn't I?) Not that they couldn't guess who it is but I'll never have to admit it. Hopefully, you do so you know how much I care about you and what you are going through.
Guess I'd better trot off to bed. The kids are sleeping soundly and so must I....
P.S. I should probably explain why the lovebird (and by lovebird, I mean a real, live bird, not a significant other) was in the proximity of that part of my anatomy. I was holding her about chest-level, talking and cooing to her when she suddenly took hold. Seems somehow like a metaphore for the fissure: You're just living your life, attending to your needs when suddenly you get bit in the ass. In fact, life is like that sometimes. But we sit gingerly for a while, then get up, dust ourselves off and move forward. (Again, no way are you going to get an identity out of me--I hope. Sorry to anyone this offends. Somehow, I can see you laughing...and healing still.)
Hey Missy, Sailing? how cool...everyday you remind me/us to get out there and live it up. You're sort of a life guru-ette.
When dealing daily with the very transient and silly problems of the everyday public school classroom, often I'll get a cosmic slap up the side of the head and think of how you're dealing with all you are going through. You remind me that it all goes away at recess...SO MAKE MORE RECESS.
Love to those cute little boys and the handsome big one....Jane
Reading Ang's Journey is an important daily routine for me. Today I must go to the dentist but first I feel compelled to say that although I have never had cancer reading your blog tells me things I never imagined about the disease.
My Mother died of colo-rectal cancer and my Aunt died of the same thing. It was long before Chemo therapy and the only help was Morphine and a vibrating bed to help facilitate bowell function. It was a time when the more painful side effects like anal fissures were between the doctor and the patient. I have learned much and understand better what they went through. Your blog and it's contributors have helped me know better that which can never be totally understood. As for the anonymous lady with the bird bitten nipple, you have much to be proud of, buy your own bird pin and make sure it is a brown one. Anyone who would ridicule you is not worth having as a friend.
We send our love to you Ang and your family and to all those in the blogesphere who love and support you. pat&mag
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