Sunday, September 23, 2007


With a lot of persuading, Grant and Mason decided that they were going camping on Saturday morning. I think Grant needed a mini vacation from me and the cancer. He was like, "But you are not 100%..." and I am like, "I have Trina, John, Mom, Dad, Leslie, Heather, Karissa, Sarah, shall I go on? I think I can manage a 7 month old for one night." And I have. Last night, I put Nolan to bed and the house was so quiet. I heated up some hot chocolate, got a piece of Banana Graham Cake from my Saturday food delivery, and I sat in the living room. That day I finally had gone to my parents house for dinner. I hadn't been there since my birthday on June 2 right before my treatment started. Oh my, how the house had changed. It was babifed. What used to be temporary for the times that Mason went over was now part of the decor. The jumper in the doorway; the pack n' play with Nolan's teething toys readily accessible. Mason has a toddler bed there now and has stuff animals lined up on it. What was once a very sophisticated decor had baby sprinkled everywhere. Mom has it set up beautifully. I put Nolan in the pack 'n play and, apparently, I did something wrong. You know, my father has rules. He said, "I don't keep the box in the bed because he falls and hits his head." I am thinking, "Okay....." Then Dad was alone with Nolan. Okay, let's be clear, my Dad doesn't do babies. Yet, he was holding him, talking about changing diapers (Mason's) and playing with him. Wonders never end, do they? As I thought back on the day, I thought about Annemarie cleaning my bathrooms with me in the morning, Rondi dropping off dinner that afternoon, and Kelly picking up my Ipod to load more songs on it. The list goes on and on. At first it was hard to accept the help, you feel worthless and useless. But now, I look forward to Saturday cleaning and Dinner Drop Off. I get to see some of my favorite people and visit in a way that I wouldn't have had otherwise. All the help allows me the energy to continue to manage our finances, run errands (which means if it ain't at Target, Fred Meyer, Costco, and occasionally Safeway, I ain't getting it and quite frankly, I don't care.) and do fun things with my family. I am thankful that all of the help let's me take really good care of myself also. I am thankful for my docs, Swedish, technology, and, yes, even chemo. An interesting note, my father, God Bless him, said to me when I was first diagnosed, "We need to do all the research and find the very best - we will send you anywhere and you will see the best doctors, etc. etc. etc." My response before the help calendar, before my friends and family lined up to be counted, before the cards, before the gifts, before EVERYTHING, I replied, "My powerhouse is here. I will stay right here." I was right. Thank you - Ang


Anonymous said...

You made the right decision to stay with the network of support anchored by your family and the most comprehensive support group of friends I have ever seen. The treatment facilities here are world class. Aside from not having the disease what could any woman want? To you and the whole gang keep up the good work! pat&mag

leslie kendall said...

you are my hero - truly