Saturday, May 30, 2020

Dr. Soma entered the room and says, "Well your scan was not satisfying."

I kinda knew that.  Too many oxygen issues, too many pains, too many weaknesses.  So, the tumors in my lungs have gotten smaller, YAY.  There is a gray mass in my upper right lung that they now need to follow, but I have been having sternum pain.  Before in October, when Dr. Flashy (Gordon) worked on me I was hospitalized with severe sternum pain. He believed that his process activated it.  Well Flashy, I think you are off the hook, not that I put one on you.  I could breathe so much better I wanted to kiss you!  But now it is back, not as bad but annoying and with the scan we may now know why.   This is why EVERYONE needs to stay on top of their treatment.  It is easy to ignore.  I personally hate it.  BUT I have seen more of my boys, my family, and traveled all over the world with them because I fight.  My eldest is so surprised at how calm I am in chaotic markets because I choose tours that show us that because I love them and so does my family.  He says, "They touch you on the hips and moved you.  Doesn't that bother you?'  I reply with, "I traveled early on and found that people are really kind, but you have to open.  All the people at the SUPER chaotic fish market were looking out for me and doing their job.  I have to let them do it.  They also never asked me to put away my camera which was an honor.  We were allowed (by the fish sellers) to go all the way to the end.  That was the biggest compliment of all."  I don't want my boys to be afraid of travel.  When I went to Mexico to volunteer after college, I was not only escorted in Spanish at the airport.  I got a six month visa, not a three, because I knew "how" to ask.  And when I was dropped to my driver I asked why the officer spoke to me in only Spanish and my Spanish was BAD.  He replied, in Spanish, "You were very comfortable here.  I knew you loved or lived in Mexico."  I hugged him and went with my escorts.  Love was the right answer.  I have been treated amazingly in all countries (outside of France during a train strike - where TOURIST INFORMATION WOULD ONLY SPEAK IN FRENCH.  Mom was able to ask the questions and we both could get the answer and for some reason I could understand the train station intercom because they were changing tracks all the time.  Not going back there.......)

Anyway, so beyond teaching my kids to not be scared traveling.  Also, teaching them the ins and out of remote work.  Things have been okay.  I will continue to Chemo until Julyish and then get a consult with Cyberknife and Dr. Landis after a PET and if my Sternum sites are hot.  I told Dr. Soma, he adores me and I adore him, so be prepared!  Dr. Soma is like, "Great, so I am going to call him, ask him and he will want to see you next week, when I need him to see you in July."  Pretty much, "Yup!"

Not the news I was hoping for, but pretty much expected.  Next time I will tell you my plan if I had a two month to live scan.......has to do with living legacy and righting wrongs......Soma said, I will live past November so it is probably out.  DARN!

Happy Friday,

Tuesday, May 5, 2020

Here is what I have to say.....

So, I have been living in this pandemic as you have.  I have been Netflix bingeing, Prime bingeing, and cleaning out my office.  I have done Christmas Cards, Christmas Gifts for 2020, and will probably do something else I have not thought of yet.  My kids need me a little because they don't know what it is like to work remotely.  I do.  Can't send six attachments to one email.  Might want to check if your recipients can accept attachments.  All the inconveniences of working from home......

And then, I read things on Facebook and the Internet.  People will not go back to work because they are getting more on unemployment with the Covid 19 supplement.  Or I can't afford the medical bills from Covid 19 so here is my gofundmepage.  Etc. etc. etc.  Pause.  Breathe.  Swear.  My husband and I hit a horrible financial burden two or two and a half years ago.  There was no unemployment, and least of all a subsidy for it.  I still had cancer. I still had bills.  We were stressed and we NEVER asked for money.  We figured it out.  We borrowed against the house.  Now, we are fine and even more than fine and I am shocked at all the help that goes to those for Covid 19.  Our demise was just like anyone else's, bad timing, home repairs, illness, medical bills, etc, but apparently cancer doesn't matter even though the bills are JUST as GREAT.  The most we have even spent is $19,500 in one year.  And that is every year - just the highest.  Our bills are real, but just not popular.  WHATEVER.

Then as I am reading like we all are and people are "learning how to cook" now because they have the time.  REALLY?!?!?!?!?!  When you rent an apartment or a house there is this thing called a kitchen.  Have you never thought to maybe on the off chance turn on the stove and see what it does?  You are paying for it........OMFG.  When I left for college I didn't know a lot about cooking, but I understood kitchens and grocery stores.  I now know that many many people have no idea what those are.  As most of us, we had to learn.  I didn't not learn from my Mom, she sent me to my Grandma's.  I could have taken Home Econ, but I qualified for Shop because I knew enough about cooking and sewing to go the boy route.  So, during a pandemic, FYI, it is not the time to learn how to cook - you should have been curious about that before - it is the time to be creative and cook the crap in your freezer so your family will eat it.  On the other hand, great that it took a world wide pandemic for you to do oatmeal.  Don't stir by the way - SERIOUSLY.  Add blueberries, brown sugar, and cream.  DELICIOUS!

Also, I shaved my head today.  My hair has stayed in for 14 years.  Over the last 6 months it has slowly come out.  Today, I was done and while I had ordered a shaver, Grant told me his razor could do it, but not well.  It did fine.  I took a picture of the remaining hair and it was a lot, but I looked ridiculous.  Better to own it than to fake it.  For the first time in 20 years my hair is shorter than my team mate Carol Clingans hair!  HA!

So, I guess I am ending with learn from, saving for a rainy day, illness, etc.  Keep thinking about what is important even when things are good.  Health, living within your means, and family - chosen or fraternal.  Ten commandments work too.  Be well.

Happy Tuesday,