Sunday, July 19, 2020

So, off I go to a PET scan.....

Hey, so I know it has been a long time, but life is rolling along.  Bumpy at best with all the things going on.  Our transition from school to summer has not been good.  Well, let me say, my boys still think that I should do everything and they are on vacation.  So, okay step back.  My boys are good boys.  I got their grades which they manage.  I don't even know how to logon to their weird portal.  Mason 3.6 at Aviation no less and Nolan 4.0.  I have nothing to complain about EXCEPT they seem to think they are on total vaca.  I made a recipe for Mason.  Remember, I am in seven months of chemo and I am hit or miss with flavor and tasting food (I know one of the symptoms of covid.....people remind me of that daily) and he said, "Mom, the next time you make this it will be much better."  I was like, "Make it you frickin' self!"  Of course, I meant it in the nicest and kindest parental way.  Nolan is, of course, Nolan.  Everything is a negotiation.  "Why do we have to do poop patrol?  Oh, Grandma is coming?  So, she doesn't really roam around the yard, so we will just do it to the table......"  End of discussion (for him).  The next dialog probably won't make it into a parental magazine anytime soon.  So, with all this energy and sibling rivalry, I have started a every other day bake.  So, they have to bake something every other day.  Banana bread, cookies, scones, anything.  I call it baking.  Grant calls it bickering and baking.  I stay upstairs until it is over.  Grant goes to work and makes specialty coffees in the midst of it.  Sorry Grant.

And then, during my chemo which I love when they say, "Oh, that is your week off."  And then they schedule a PET Scan and I have my shot that ravishes my back all week and then I can't eat carbs for a entire day and then I get a scan where I fly home from because I have to be on the toilet for hours, but, yeah, that is my "week off".  It is totally restful and awesome - like a spa.  PET scan Friday - result next Friday before chemo meanwhile I have a major accident during the prep.  I always thought I could get through in, but no.  My new oncologist likes going over it in person.  I like staying home and ignoring I have cancer.  So, I am not going in for results, I will just go it for the chemo appt and see him then.  Don't get me wrong, he is lovely.

And then.........I get a call from one of my team of docs.  This is a great scan!  Only four points and we many be able to do them with radiation?!?!?!?!  I am like, "Wha?"  Okay, but Soma has to agree, have you talked to him?  "I sent him an email."  The only thing I have for that is this....."Wha?"  Don't get me wrong, I am THRILLED with the result.  This is the best thing I have seen in YEARS!  My family is tepid about it, but they are not really excitable.  I wish they were, but hey, you can't have everything.  So, my understanding is that they are all discussing and deciding what to do and I will find out on Friday before chemo.  YAY!  And YAY me!

So, on Friday, I go in for chemo and to talk to my oncologist.  Well, it is good news, BUT, I may have had more than I can stand of radiation making that therapy obsolete.  So, basically if I can do radiation, I will with a test that says my lungs can do it.  Then, I will continue on the chemo that I am on.  OTHERWISE, I will go back to to my originally chemo that kicked my ass every other week.  And that is when I cried.

And finally.....there is this moment in the morning when I wake up that I am not aware of the world yet, but I think...."Oh, it was just all a bad dream......"  and then I pick up my phone.  I know that everyone is casting their opinions.....thoughts.....dreams.....hopes.....disappointments...., and I am trying my best to educate and stay on top of the developments.  I watch GMA3 What you need to know every weekday.  It really gives good and insightful information.  Then I watch the TALK which keeps me current in a world that I am not current in.  Then, or before, I watch the local news and then I get on with my day of bills, food, cleaning, plants, laundry etc.

We will see what happens, I am hopeful that it is as good as they believe, but inside my heart I reserve a little piece of doubt.   I have to so I can survive.  We come into this world alone and we leave alone.

Happy Monday,