Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Things that make me fall to my knees....

Mason had a substitute teacher and he asked her how old she was.  She said, "Older than dirt."  Next day, she asked Mason if he told his Mom how old she was and he replied, "No because I don't know how old dirt is."

Mason wrote for his writing assignment, "I learned police use radar guns to make sure we do not speed otherwise it would (wood) be a ......"  and then he looks at me and asked how to spell "calamity".

Nolan is in the back of the truck and somehow he earned two lollipops.  He finished one and said, "Mummy!  Look back here.  See I am done!  I need my next one!" with his eyebrows up like, "HELLO!!!!"

The Vice Principle of Mason's school stopped me and said, "I have to tell you he is such a great kid.  Did you know that he read his MLK assignment in front of the entire school?  (617 students)  He did SUCH a great job!  We are so lucky to have him here."

"Your blood work looks better than it has in two years and I think your spleen is FINE."  Hank

"Everything feels great down here.  I think we did it but see me every three month JUST in case."  Colorectal Surgeon

That was just last week.

I fall to my knees each time (clearly not literally - that would be WEIRD)...I pray for seeing these things I never thought I would see, for hope that I might see them grow up, for a chance, and for the moment.

Happy Tuesday, Ang

We did lose one in the ice storm...

Mickey was cased in ice, then I lost him on my parent's drive way clearing what I have determined as too many trees (that is a story all on its own!) only to find him with one ear and then lose him again.  So, if anyone is going to Disneyland, let me know, I need a Mickey!  I have no idea why the photo is sideways!

Thursday, January 19, 2012

State of Emergency??? COME ON!

According to our Governor, we are in a State of Emergency.  Yeah, it has been snowing.  There is freezing rain which it good for pictures and one our our trees has lost five major branches.  Yes, there is an ice storm, but my power is on (good part of living less than a mile from a jail) and besides being stuck in the house, really an emergency?  So, the airport is closed and the highways are a "treacherous".  Their word not mine.  Pierce County police responded to 232 car accidents in 16 hours.  Is it a State of Emergency or operator error??? This is nothing compared to my Dad hearing there is a small craft advisory on the Strait of Juan de Fuca and saying, "Hang on Angie.  We're going to go get a camp site!" or after Mt. St. Helen's blew and we were told to stay put and my Dad said, "Tie this hanker-chef around your mouth.  We 're outta here."  State of Emergency - my ass!  Speaking of that.....I called my doctor's office today saying, "Hey, do we have all the info from the throat guy to make some decisions today?"  Answer - no.  Do I have to come in?  I will - no big deal. I have a babysitter since every school in the world is closed, but if some JACKASS hits my car I have no budgeted line item for "JACKASS hitting my car and need a new one".  Apparently, I that is a REALLY good argument and I remain low on the "Going to Die" list, so another week away from there.  In addition, long stretches in the house with your children teach  you what your children listen to.....Nolan quote of the day, "Mommy, I don't have to take a bath.  (I was a little worried about loosing power and wanted to be clean if/when we did.)  Our power lines are underground."  I am thinking, you are FOUR - how do you know that?  So I say, "How do you know that?"  "You told me!  And we talked about transformers and power stations...." As he babbles on, I remember our conversation and think, how come he can't remember to put away his clothes, wash his hands, and eat his carrots?!?!?!?!  "And the power comes from where it is generated, by a Dam or something like that, through the lines, to a power station......"  R..E..A..L..L..Y?  COME ON!!! Happy Snow Day, Ang

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

There are just somethings I don't invite on myself

So, my oncologist's office calls LATE and says, "Whacha doin'?"  I said, "Finishing up Chicken Parmigiana.  Why ya callin'?"  "Well, we have to reschedule your Thursday appointment.  He is meeting with some big wig that is coming into town."  I said, "That is me, didn't you know that????"  Laugh.  Reschedule.  Go to the calendar and realize I just rescheduled my appointment with my oncologist (aka Dr. Death - and I do really like the guy!) on Friday the 13th.  Oh, HELL NO!  Call back and reschedule to the next Thursday.  Now, I am not very superstitious, but there are certain things I have learned not to do.  I don't fly, I don't go in underground parking garages, I try not to do elevators (I have gotten a fair amount of exercise on those days) and I DON'T GO TO MY ONCOLOGIST.  No need to INVITE disaster.  It has already showed up enough UNINVITED!  So, I will know what I am doing next week.  Happy Friday the 13th, Ang

Friday, January 6, 2012

Seeking the Perfect Christmas

This is a long post, so get your coffee or tea and get comfortable...  Two posts ago, I told you that I had to get a scope down my throat.  For many, that was a real shock because I hadn't talked about it too much.  Here is why..something came up in my last scan and when something comes up like that, I am then sent to a new place to get a closer look.  Because the procedure is that and it has happened with my liver and now my esophagus, I guess, I didn't make too much a deal of it until we KNEW if something was wrong.  I think the problem is, every six to 12 weeks, I get a scan that tells you every bloody thing that could be wrong with you.  Most people don't get these scans thank God because knowing EVERYTHING that COULD be wrong with you is not necessarily a blessing.  Please do not misunderstand, I am thankful for the technology, but I take the information cautiously at times.  This proved to serve me well, as the procedure was last week and it was absolutely fine.  I meet with the doctor to follow up next week.  So, let's get back to Christmas.  Right after, my Christmas Eve post, I looked up a couple of my cancer buddies.  One had an allergic reaction to her last chemo treatment which I knew about, but, I finally read her blog to get her perspective.  I felt helpless and I knew I couldn't have helped her with this because I never really have dealt with my allergic reaction that I had where I fainted and had to stay over night in the hospital.  Her post totally threw me back to all of those feelings....I remember that I said, "I am going to faint." and thinking....this is it....this is how I will die.  I then remember NOT seeing the "light" and hearing all sort of commotion around me....."Are her numbers always this low?" from a voice I did not recognize.  "NO!  It is upside down!" from my nurse.  "I need more room - here let me do this....move that chair!"  (I am crying as I am typing this.) I remember the oxygen being blown in my face and a nurse that I do know saying to me very calmly and sweetly, "Angie, you gotta wake up.  Just open your eyes.  Come on honey, wake up for us."  I took a deep breath realizing that it wasn't my last and thinking, "Oh, this is going to cause A LOT of paperwork..."  I opened my eyes and said, "I am sorry."  She smiled looking at me.  In a very loud commanding voice said, "She is apologizing...she is just fine."  She never broke her gaze.  Commotion stops.  Hank is there with, "You have my full attention and one phone call."  I said, "Call Grant and tell him not to come.  I will be fine."   That is all I am going to say...my therapist thinks that it is a good idea for me to talk about it sometimes and feel it a little.  Sit with it.  Apparently, it helps you deal with it.  It is the same technique that they you on solders when they come home from war.  Wow, that sucks.  So, I did learn that I should not read those things on Christmas Eve especially when you know another cancer buddy just found out his brain tumor is back and will need surgery soon (like today).  Despite it all, I charged on that night and may of had to much to drink, but get this, I didn't feel anything.  Grant even said, "You should be hammered.  I am driving."  He is very eloquent.  I went through the motions and the boys were getting really excited.  I don't think they knew.  My neck hurt and I was really kinda stressed out with it being a PERFECT Christmas.  I even did crafts with my kids in December.  What ridiculous complication is that during the holiday?!?!  I don't do crafts - like ever.  I HATE glitter, and glue.  But I did it like more than once and more than on one occasion.  What was I thinking?  Anyway, back to the story....so, we get home on Christmas Eve.  Boys in bed.  Cookies out.  Santa came just like he should, but if he was here, I really should have run into him.  I was up until 3am.  First, I don't sleep much on Christmas Eve.  Never have.  I love Christmas Eve.  Second, I was so keyed up, I couldn't sleep and my stomach hurt, my neck hurt, I think I pulled a muscle in my leg....I was a mess.  Then about 1:30 after going to the bathroom, I saw something in my underwear.  Blood.  Convinced that my cancer had come back.  I was like, but no, it is (now, if you are all scared and wimpy, just STOP reading....seriously...STOP) too high to be 'there".  I haven't had a period in YEARS - chemo took care of that.  What the hell?!?!?  Check again...doing I call the doc?  No, it is Christmas Eve....he is Jewish.  Check again.  Wrong color for cancer.  (You didn't STOP did you? STOP!)  Wrong color for a lot of things.  Wow, I drank too much... definitely not calling  the doctor would sound RIDICULOUS.  Everybody already knows I have rectal cancer.....no surprise there!  Why is it there in my underwear?  Change underwear.  Pace more.  Neck hurts more, muscle tense, try and go to sleep - really?  Clearly too much to drink if I thought I can actually go to sleep.  Check again - more blood.  Same position.  (Now it gets funny, but still over the line of socially acceptable, so if you still reading, you may continue on...)  So, I look in the mirror of the vanity at my butt.  (There is a visual you will NEVER forget.)  Remember I am on a lot of blood thinners.  I somehow  did something to the middle of my right butt check and it was bleeding A LOT.  Exhale.  It is not my cancer. Run to the toilet.  Puke so hard and violently it comes out my nose.  Clean up.  Exhausted.  Fall into bed.  Sleep.......HARD.  7am  "Mommy Mommy I wasn't naughty!  Santa came!  Santa came!  Get up!  Daddy!!  Santa came....get up!!!!!!'  Neck pain gone, muscle pain gone, stomach fine.....just tired.  I smile....I got my perfect Christmas after all......  Love, Ang