Thursday, May 26, 2016

Just an update, but what a whirlwind.....

Life has been going as life goes.  Things were busy last week - two student leadership events and then Mason.  I say "Mason" because he has been having a tough time at school.  Behavior in the class is a bit crazy and Mason does not like the horns on the last day of school, so a noisy classroom is horrible for him.  He goes under his desk.  He refuses to come out.  He finally does, but is excused to the ramp outside the portable.  I do not know what to say about the rest, but it lead us down a path of seeing if he was suicidal.  From every account and from every resource, he is not.  He now however has all the crisis hotlines in his notebook for him, or for anyone else.  Not the best week, but I had to go on.  Every week I have also been experiencing mini migraine headaches.  Rather than days, they last a couple hours and I am tired for the rest of the day.  They are not horrible, but I can't drive and I am scared to leave home.  Weird.  So I am home a lot and I remember that they had adjusted a new medication to lower my heart rate further so that I would not burst a varicies (sp).  Remember....."It would be a shame for you to bleed out after everything we have done comment?"  So, I contact the docs.  They both freak out a little and I am like, "I think it is the medication.  I am not at death's door.  I have done that....definitely not there."  They lower my dosage back down and tell me to stay in touch.  I will, but all will be fine. I am sure it is the medication.

At the same time of all of this, we get involved in something we were planning on PRE KITCHEN flood.  A Travel Trailer.  One is used that we like and we get down to making an offer and if was not accepted.  Oh well.  I have SUPER fond memories of camping in the camper with my family and friends.  I know just enough to be dangerous and, like my Grandma, I want what I want and if not, I do not want it.  Seems that Travel Trailers are such emotional purchases and they all just prey on your emotions.....I have none.  It is a fun game.  Funny part is that, again, I am looking at used and economical and Grant is finding "new" at an "extremely fair deal".  Roll eyes.....he is going to get something else new....AGAIN.  Time will tell.....

So, medication adjusted, Grant spending money like water and wanting to go on a road trip for his 50th birthday and park in front of Sandy's house in Toronto for the mileage of it all, and boy important stuff, I am busy and tired and praying and hoping and wanting to put a blanket over my head.

This has to work out, right?!??!

Happy Thursday,


Wednesday, May 18, 2016

OMG - I got my table!!!!

Officially the kitchen is done.  Pictures to follow.  The last few days have been filled with craziness, and heartbreak.  I am good.  Honest.  But not everyone in my situation is.

Monday....I am getting ready for the week.  I am in the middle of cleaning the house.  I used to be able to do it in one day, but those days are gone.  I did floors today.  Bathrooms and kitchen were yesterday.

Tuesday....I am supposed to dust.  I do.  I hate it, but yikes, really?!??!  Why does that much dirt come into your house?!?!?!?  Tuesday PM - there is water underneath my sink..........FRICK....PTSD is kicking in....text my contractor.  Nolan and I get the table, chairs, and potato and onion holder.....yay.

Wednesday at 7:47, plumbers show up.  Really?!?!?!  I was told 8 to 8:30.  I am in my robe and my plumbers are relentless!!!!!  Jim was like, "You should see my puppy, but you are in your robe." and Eric was like, "I heard you have a skunk and a possum in your crawlspace."  Anyway, they fixed it and I told them to never come back and I know they will.  WHATEVER.  I love them.

So, this week is busy.  Then Nolan tells me he is sick on Wednesday.  Stomach problems.  But, as soon, as school starts he is FINE.  Really.  Well, stay in your bed and not video or tv.....really?!?!?!  Yes.  Really.  I had SO much to do today and Nolan screwed it all up.  BUT, I did teach him things like, "how to refurbish a wood piece" and "how to "perk up" a lawn area piece, but really?!?!?!? "

So, here I am.  I have done all my work, but then I screwed up my PTA Council Budget because I was in the wrong year?!?!?!?!  OMG.  I suck.  I love my President....she is really nice and supportive, even when I suck.  Anyway, I am going to review it in the morning and send it off.  I hate software.

I was at school for an amazing museum of inventors on Tuesday.  I will be there for Bingo for Book on Thursday also where I just got bags for the kids that "win" so many books for the summer reading program.  FYI - PTA got all the books 3500-4000 of them.  I have been put in charge of Student Leadership and they now are proving so strong and makes me misty.....they are my kids......

Be advised that all the above is noise.......On Tuesday, I was at school and I was idle....I know, right?!?!?!  So I was reading the walls of the school and there was a wall of, "What I want to solve in the world...."  I read the different responses...all sweet and real and then....."I want to solve cancer."  Author, Nolan Hainsworth.  Pause.  Exhale.  Breathe.  Seriously?!?!?!  FRICK.  Pause.  Exhale.  Pause.  FRICK.  When is this going to leave us?!?!?!  He never mentioned anything to me.   A couple days later I talked to Nolan about it.  Nolan was like, "I want to be your oncologist."  I was like, "Nolan, really think about this.  I know you would make an amazing surgeon, but I an not sure you could do the oncologist route.  Hank could talk to you.  I know he would.  He loves you."  (How lucky am I?!?!?)  "Nolan, surgery right now is like video game on humans."  "OMG MOMMY!  That is awesome!!!!"  Lets remember that Nolan wanted to be a surgeon and cut people up and then leave them when he was two also, remember...he wanted to go into the armed forces...this is a win for a mama!

So, there you have it.  I thought life was all about what happens next and it is really in someone else's hands.  It hurts when I see my boys hurt, but I chose this path of honestly and clarity.  People die.  Mason is so comfortable with this he is like, "When this house is mine and Grandma and Grandpa die..."  and I am like, "Mason, better to plan on your own than plan on our death...." I was supposed to die before 2/16/2009.

Happy Wednesday,


Sunday, May 15, 2016

Lots to catch up on....

So, lots has happened.  Mason has been released to "full duty" as long as he feels well.  I have been to released to want what I want which is typical, yet not understandable.  Sweetly, he wears a batter helmet when he is on base.....for me.  And Nolan, well, Nolan is just sad.  Let me explain.....

Mason is doing great, but sometimes, he is overwhelmed.  This is the tricky part.  He wants to do Baseball, Track, and everything in between.....really?!?!?!  You have a concussion.  While predicted it was mild, still a concussion. At the Jamboree on Saturday, Mason was playing Catcher, and he got hurt.  Because I am who I am, I wasn't paying attention when he got hurt.  All the guys were laughing and I was like, "Did he hit his head?!?!?!?"  One of Mason's best friend's Dad's said, "Ang, It was the other head."  PROBLEM SOLVED!!!!!!  I must have looked like a real bitch, but he is my boy and Grant already decided that he could play outfield without a helmet.  I guess I have to relax, but how can you.  I am the mama.

Nolan had is last game with the buddies he has been playing with forever.  I/we were sad but the age range is changing this year and there is no guarantee he would be with them anyway.  Nolan is a February baby and everyone else is  the year before.  He was so sad on the way home.  "This is the year that changed everything."  I was like, "Wha?!??!  You will see him in tournaments, other play etc.  We cannot help the field of play."  "Really?!?!?!  Well, I guess I will see him in a year...."  I was like, "Well, you are going to see Owen in August.  Try not to be such a downer!"  We can see Rayden.  OMG.  It is not like his is moving away....what the heck?!?!?!  Since then, he has been picked for the 2007 A team.  He is so excited he agreed to summer tournament and practices....he has NEVER done that.  I am happy for for him and hope it is all that he wanted.

So, this is real life.  The other part is PTA, figuring our that part.....I REFUSE to break the rules yet I do not want it to die.  Tomorrow my PTA for Neely meets to discuss next year.  Interesting is all I can say....

Grant and I had a sit down and I said, "I do not want to get a job.  Our lives would just be chaos."  "Okay.  Ang, we will figure this out.", Grant said.  "I can live on less.  I have lived on nothing.  Freezer is full.  We will be okay.", I said,.    HOWEVER, it was nice to have people think I was going back to work and interested in me.  I was worth something.  I was good, but I have to focus on my family.  I always knew this was my duty.  When I was engaged to Grant I said, "You are the last of six.  I am the only Granddaughter, Niece, and Daughter.  I can't leave anywhere but a nonstop fight from our home."  He was okay with that.  Grant.....the only guy I have ever known to be able to get me through all this crap.  Funny thing is that a lot of people look at the family when it comes to marriage.  Grant....well, on the outside has not much to offer, but they love me....and lately, I think more than him.  Especially since I was there for the 90th!!!!!    hehehehehe.  When we were married our Pastor said, "These two have NOTHING in common but values."  As I cry, I think, OMG, is that all we needed?!?!  Infertility, Cancer, Aging Parents, oh yeah and Nolan......I love him, but wha?!?!?!?!

And then there are my, I take care of them every week.  We plot and plan for the next week so that they can comfortably stay in their house.  We have made GREAT strides since September.  Things are organized, Mom is doing amazing, Dad is accepting of his situation, and I get lunch.  However.......I love my parents, but really their problems are so, well minor, compared to others.  I walked in the other day and they were having a fight about a hot water facet.  "Did you get the serial number!?!?!?!?!"  I was rolling my eyes like, "Wha?" My parents have worked hard all of their lives to have an easy retirement.   I am not sure they know what that looks like.....cause they have it.......WHATEVER!!!!!

Anyhoo, I am tired, laundry is going and I have a Board Meeting tomorrow that I have to prepare for.  Here is to life......with cancer....with aging parents....with a business that is sometime vulnerable, and with us.  We got this.  Happy Sunday.

Love, Ang