Friday, September 7, 2007
In 10 or 20 years....
Last night as I was waiting to see if Nolan would go to sleep after being put down awake, Grant came into the bedroom where I was laying down on the bed. He had just put Mason down and sat on the bed next to me. I said something like, "I am getting nervous for the next scans. What if they aren't good?" He replied, "We will do what we have to do." I said, "It has been four months of chemo and I am tired of this." He said, "In 10 or 20 years, this will seem like nothing." I started to cry. I thought, "In 10 or 20 years....wouldn't that be great? Imagine what I could do and what my boys would be like? Imagine what adventures I/we would have." I said, "I want that (meaning 10 or 20 years) - I really want that." He said, "I know - me too." The room was dark now and we could barely see each other, but we didn't need to. And then, Mason got up, opened his door, closed it, and returned to bed to sleep. Nolan had gone to sleep too - by himself with little fuss - how the heck did that happen? The house was quiet, the sun had set, and yet I felt that something had begun.....get to 10 or 20 years. Heck, let's say 42. Have a great weekend - enjoy the sun there should be plenty of it - Ang
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"When I look to the future, I see a vista of challenge and resolution. I venture forth with strength, hope, and faith."
~Modern Affirmation
With Grant at your side you will keep your eye on the prize. When you falter he will steady you. When you fall he pick you up. When you are too tired to walk he will carry you. One way or the other you will cross the finish line. Then when the race of your life is won and you think back on it (10 years from now) you will remember how victory feels. You will gaze at Grant and reaffirm how good you two are together.
You will hold one big 10th anniversary party where we will all come together in celebration. That is the vision I am holding in my heart for you, right now.
42 is a good goal, by then Mason and Nolan will be helping you around the house with your chores,and you will be wondering what to fix for dinner. (Ang as earth mother) You are right the goal now is remission. Age 42 = 5 years = 1825 days
= many thousands of hours of loving and being loved by your family and friends. That is a goal to focus on. Do It. pat&mag
Don't worry about the scans - they are what they are - good, bad or otherwise. In this battle you will probably encounter a setback or two, but not to worry - just keep your eye on the endpoint and keep up the fight. You have plenty of people pulling for you and good folks up at Swedish doing their best.
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