Friday, September 21, 2007

Changes

This morning I was slowly waking up. The boys had slept in and it was just before seven. I started thinking about the physical changes that have happened since chemo. I have markings on my face. It is like a pigment discoloration. I can still cover it up with makeup which brings up makeup. I am wearing less and less makeup. Part of it is because my eyes are drying out from the chemo and tearing a great deal, and part of it is that I am just too tired to care. I would rather blog, play with kids, go for a walk, etc. In addition, after chemo my skin is sensitive and sometimes itchy. My nose bleeds are not as bad as they were. I thank the humidifier for that. I even gained five pounds which I am sure was the Family Size Lays potato chips bag that I ate in its entirety - SCARY!!! When I started chemo, my oncologist said that I would go through menopause and be sterile after the treatment. As most of you know, I was never good at the fertility thing without intervention, so that one I gave up easily. My comment back on that one was, "Is this the last time I am going through menopause, because I have been through it a couple times now (infertility treatments place you in a premenopausal state), and NO woman should have to do it more than three times in their life!" Let's see what else, oh yeah, I still have my hair, which I am really grateful for now. I wasn't worried about loosing my hair before, but when I didn't I appreciated it more than ever. Anything else? Oh yeah - my stiz baths. I think I have the cleanest butt in Western Washington - maybe even the entire state. So, bigger clean butt, no makeup, chemo marks, bloody noses, and itchiness - pretty visual isn't it?!?!?! And then, with perfect timing, my husband rolls over kisses me good morning and said, "Hey hot stuff...." Apparently, he needs his eyes checked or I am the luckiest girl in the world. Yeah, I know - lucky. Have a great weekend, love, Ang

7 comments:

John & Trina said...

You crack me up Clarno ,good to see the boys back home. By the way, I delivered some meds to your front porch. Later, John

Anonymous said...

Greetings Madam Clean Butt: Enjoyed your post this day and just stopped laughing long enough to send you the message that we love the battle scarred face of courage that is the real Angela. Another line from the poem Invictus: "My head is bloodied but unbowed". Gather your husband and children close and remember that the marks on your face are the reult of walking uphill against the wind. It was popular during the French Revolution to rally the citizens by yelling "To the barricades" in your case I think it appropriate to rally "to fortress Clarno" where surrender is not an option. By the way you are a fine writer and with your attention to detail you could have easily been a T.V. news reporter.
Our love to all. pat&mag

Anonymous said...

Sometimes we can get so focused on the tiny details that we can't see the bigger picture...just like the old saying that one can't see the forest for the trees.

When I look at you I only see beauty and grace that has been fined tuned by pain and hard work. In fact I just tried really hard to figure out where those spots on your face are supposed to be?

I know you are a "bigger picture" person so this is just a little second reminder to you of that very important fact. Grant reminded you first :-)

Anonymous said...

My goodness its tough to be one of the beautiful people ain't it Ang?
>comforts<
I can empathize, all those people always stopping you for autographs....
>wink<
Gosh what can I say, Grant rocks =)
-Mark

leslie kendall said...

okay - I am so glad that you brought up the "changes" - because I didn't want to sound shallow - however, I can't believe how beautiful you look. Everytime I see you I think how is it that she is going through all of this and looks so darn good! What I have come up with is that your spirit and soul are showing up on the outside :)
Also, if you are going to wear those cool, expensive jeans and now those cute cargo pants, well your butt needs to be clean! Oprah is going to love meeting you!
Sending you (so much) love
leslie

don said...

Hi Angie -

I haven't seen you since you were a pixie, but love you just the same.

Say Hi to your Dad for me.

Don Edmisten

Anonymous said...

Hi Angie -

I haven't seen you since you were a pixie, but love you just the same.

Say hello to your Dad for me.

Don Edmisten