Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Well, it is not the news I wanted

but it is going in the right direction. I got a call from a very stuffed up oncologist last night. He was happy about the results and wanted to schedule at least two more months of chemo. "We can go over the details next week before chemo. It is still there, but it is getting smaller, so great news." I think he called me because it sounds like everyone is sick (including me) and wants me to stay home and not risk going in for what now could be called a frivolous appointment. Again, he is happy with the results, so the news is good. So for now, I am scheduling chemo through January. Naturally, by the way the schedule goes, I will have Christmas week off. How do I feel? I feel confused that I really thought I may be done and I wonder how I screwed that up in my head. I am happy that it is good news, but I am sad that I will miss Mason's Christmas concert at school, I will not be the one to help the boys give out Christmas gifts to their teachers, I will not be able to do all the Christmas things I had planned with them, etc. etc. etc. So, I am aware that I should be happy, but I am frustrated that MY Christmas miracle isn't going to happen at Christmas and I am trying to mentally prepare myself for doing chemo at least four more times. What is the song, "When you are going through hell, just keep movin, somethin somethin somethin, the devil may not even know you at there...." So, Elaine, I need to know when you are home from Mexico (you dog!) to drive me. Sarah, we should start the help calendar up again in January. If you can and want to be on the list contact her at Mom, Dad, Donna, and Karissa, unlucky for you, you still employed at your currently rate of pay with no 2009 increase, but then zero of zero is still, unfortunately zero, despite what Wall Street may try and tell you. Ang


Anonymous said...

Hi Ang!
I feel such a mixed range of emotions with this news; I can only imagine how you're feeling. I know you will work through the disappontment and the repercussions of not getting the all clear signal YET. I also know that your approach to life will continue to help you to focus on the positives - the impact the treatments are having for the long range and all the special Christmas moments you will share now and in the future with your family. TAKE CARE! MC

Anonymous said...


I was spinning my Tibetan prayer wheel for you yesterday. You are certainly on my mind. It has to be very hard during the holidays to feel punky. Each day is one more towards healing. You have all the tools to work this deal through. Hugs, Pam

Anonymous said...

Hi Ang,
Keep your spirits up. Stay warm and toasty in your home....they are predicting snow!
Have a very Merry Christmas.