Cancer is a funny thing....

I had a scan on Wednesday with my normal reader who has been with me the ENTIRE time (except the last scan).  He has not always liked me, but we have come to a shall I say friendship?  He does his best all the time  -  once I challenged him, but we got through it.  Kudos to him.  As most of you know, I do not look for a fight, but I do not back down to one either.  In the end, he is my guy.  I choose him.  So, I went to my scan on Wednesday knowing he was working.  I got my results.  I am still on cancer watch, but Dr. Rogers' is not convinced that the microscopic change is worth anything in my left lung.  I concur.  We can ablate it.  I have done that before.  I love that doc.  I just really do not want to go back to chemo.  Sad thing is, I love those nurses.  I see them from time to time or on Facebook.  Thank God for Facebook.  It is hard to go back to the treatment center.  The smell gets me.  Purell makes me vomit.  Literally, instantaneously.  I use a brand at, you guessed it, Fred Meyer. Germ X or something like that.

But.......last time, I convinced Dr. Kaplan to let me try to be off of blood thinners.  He reluctantly agreed and with a two month scan he thought it was a good trial.  I was changed from two shots in my tummy to one baby aspirin everyday.  I LOVED IT.  My lower stomach was always bruised, I was tender and tired.  Six years of shots to my tummy - twice a day. 

Results - my cancer is still on watch.  Maybe a millimeter growth on an old spot, but not sure because lungs are fluid and moving.  No PET Scan for me - I am 24 (?) over the limit.  And, truly, I am okay with all of it.  If it grows, I think we all know it is cancer.  Hopefully, we can ablate it, which is so much better than chemo.  Result, I am still on watch, but I got another curve ball....

Because of all of my chemo, and I am assuming life, my liver has slowed.  I have mentioned this before.  It still functions fine, it is just slow.  I think I would be too after 90 hits of chemo and life.  Let's face it.  I am lucky to have my feet hit the floor everyday.

Because of the slowed liver function, I have enlarged veins at the bottom of my esophagus, called varices.  Another doc has been watching those for 3 or 4 years...maybe six, I don't know.  Okay, so here is the bad part.....because I stopped the blood thinners, I have a blood clot that is complicating the varices.  This is to the point that Hank is not happy and concerned.  You have to understand, I have been with Hank for eight years thinking I was going to die after one year.  He never said that, but he did say to me at the beginning, "You will die and die soon without treatment."  Again, he refused to give me odds, but he did say they were against me.  To his credit, he believed and therefore, I did.  So, when he gets all emotional and such, which literally does not happen ever, you seriously pay attention.  I am serious, his concerned, worried, happy, and pensive look are literally the same, unless you really know him.  Hint:  For patients that have him, if he calls another doc on the phone in the room that you are in, things are bad.

Don't get me wrong - I adore him.  We have a real relationship beyond cancer.  He has helped me see my boys grow up and is happy to see them when I bring them which is RARE.  In fact, the entire building loves my boys.  PET/CT save rice crispy treats for them when I come in.  Angie and Anthony at the front desk - LOVE THEM.  They know all their sports and want to know how they are doing.  I am so lucky.  I got into the cancer center and it is like Norm going into Cheers.  Literally how lucky am I?!?!?!?!?!

Anyway, it has been super sad for me.  I was under the false allusion that I was done.  But, you see, Hank told me I had a chronic condition - which means forever.   Apparently, I didn't hear that, or I did not want to.  I had actually played with the idea that I would take my boys across the US like our friends in Australia did and teach them about US history.  Sad part - I just realized that I will never not be in the presence of a doctor for less than a month.  What was I thinking?  I am not normal.  Why did I think I could escape? 

So, here I sit.  I was at bible study today and everyone had such normal prayer requests.  I did not want to go but they asked me twice and they are part of my tribe, so I blurted out all of it.  I am such a Debbie Downer.  I am always the one that is well, sad.  I wish I was the praise and the light.  I get that I should be thankful, but wow, this is a journey. 

So, I have to start my shots again.  Check.  I have this new medication. Check. And I have to see my other Dr. on Tuesday.  Check.  Probably surgery.  Whatever.  Check.

Next scan in two month - Dec 16th to be exact.  They are following me.....and I could not be more grateful.

Love, Ang

P.S.  I am sorry I did not blog earlier, I was numb......