Monday, March 23, 2009

Girl's Weekend

In Chapter 16 of Persuasion by Jane Austen, Mr. Elliot and Anne Elliot are discussing "good company". Anne Elliot described good company as clever, well-informed people who have a great deal of conversation. Mr. Elliot described good company as requiring only birth, education, and manners. He described what Anne Elliot described as not good company, but the best of company. This weekend was one that I was not expecting to participate in. It was a long time planned weekend with my college roommates. It was planned with my attendance, but when I delayed my chemo one week I was VERY doubtful if I could swing it. As it worked out, this was one of my easiest treatment weeks. I don't know why, but I worked at it. I did EVERYTHING by the book and still it was easy for me this time. So, on Friday, I thought, "I am going on the weekend. OMG!" One of my roommates picked me on on Saturday, and off we went to meet two more, and drive over to Leveanworth to the Sleeping Lady to meet yet two more. I was nervous, but Grant talked me back from the ledge. As a lot of you know, your college roommates know you like no other. I didn't have sisters or brothers and never had people around me as much as these guys. We were very different people, but for some reason it just worked for us. We arrived to see everyone with wine, sparkling cider, crackers, and cheese. Then, off to the bar and NCAA Basketball, dinner during halftime, and back to the game. We then retired to PJs and pictures - laughing for hours. Saturday was full of marathon training, workouts, massages, walks (that would be my speed), talking and soaking up the sun. More basketball at 4:30 when the bar opened, dinner, and then a very special performance of our final college week on video that one of my girlfriends transferred to DVD from VHS. It was two hours long. At the end we all had our last comments.....I cried on video and I cried watching myself 18 years ago. My skin perfect, my life ahead of me, my prospects open and so optimistic. Then I realized, it all came true except the Mercedes, but I didn't marry that guy which is OKAY! After we walked back to the room, I excused myself with the explanation of looking at the stars in the front of the cabin. I was alone. Then, one of my girlfriends came out to join me. She asked me if I was out there crying and I said, "Yeah." The rest of the girls were in back of the cabin and I could hear them laughing and talking - just like college. I needed the time. When she asked me further what was going on, I just said, "I want more." I did and I do. I want to be at the next reunion, the next wedding, the next baby. Previously, I have been thankful for the moment, but this night I told God I wanted more. More time, health, my boys graduation, their weddings. I told God that I appreciated everything, that I know that I should not expect anything else and that I was not foolish enough to plea with him for more time if it wasn't part of the plan. I just told him that I wanted it. It was done - arrogant or not. I looked back on my 39 years and I have struggled for very little. I have worked for even less. Don't get me wrong, I have always had a good work ethic (even to me by my family), but I have never really needed to work for anything. My husband and I have done well, by our own doing, but we were given advantages of first world countries, great schools, solid morals, etc. What did we ever really need? But I digress....I guess I didn't realize how much I missed these women. We have seen each other over the years, but we had not all been together in over 12 years. We ended that night laughing in bed talking about ridiculous stories of haunted houses, ski trips (good and bad), and life in general. The morning of filled with taking pictures, video, breakfast, and goodbyes. These are my girls. How lucky am I???? This was one of the best weekends I have had in two years. Heck, maybe my life. I didn't think I could do it, but I did. I didn't think it would effect me so much, but I am different. Softer, grateful, and yet greedy. So, it is in my and God hands now, I will be there. Always, now, and forever. Thank you ladies - I love each and every one of you. Love, Ang


Anonymous said...

What a treat to talk with you before your girls' weekend extravaganza. And how lucky all of you were to make a home together during the college years. (Having shacked up contigo in sunny Mexico almost as many years ago, I appreciate what a fabulous roommate you are.) Am so glad that you squeezed every bit of enjoyment out of it that you could. And I firmly believe that you will see many, many of the things on that wish list of yours. Love you beyond words.

Anonymous said...

Hey Ang,

Who was the "guy" with the Mercedes? The one you dated at Gonzaga or the good looking hockey player ??

Anonymous said...

A cabin in the woods with good friends and no kids. A wonderful respite from your difficult times. It is the perfect break away. Never turn down the chance to get a different perspective on your life, it obviously did you good.
Everyone needs that. love pat&mag