Update - I am fine....sorry!

So, here is the update: Mason - The dentist appointment went fabulously. He went into the room without me, chatted it up with the dentist, held still for x-rays, and got a toy! He LOVED the dentist. Two hours later, at swimming, he cried bloody murder. So, my kid loves the dentist and hates swimming. In his defense, this is the first set of classes that he has been to that Grant, Dad, or I, have not been in the pool with him. I guess the adjustment is a tad much for the kid. Still the dentist - are you kidding me???? On to Nolan...Nolan has just spent a week waking up earlier and earlier and earlier. The earliest was 3:50. Well, by the seventh day, I was done. We had tried everything - feeding him, him feeding himself because we feel asleep feeding him, checking his temperature for infections, etc. etc. etc. Finally, because this happened with Mason too, when the 3:50 morning came I went in his room (my study) checked him out, saw nothing was wrong, and said, "I love you more than I can say, but I am too tired and it is night night time still, so I am going to leave and I am not coming back. I am even going to turn off the monitor. I love you - you have to trust that this is the best." I am not sure how long he cried because I was asleep. At least this time I knew he would be fine as heart wrenching as it was, I had to break this habit not only for him, but for me. Grant fell asleep shortly after I did and at 7:30 Nolan awoke a happy happy baby. We all sighed relief and knew the worse was over. Grant - he is good - tired like me, but good. Me - well, I had chemo yesterday and they had to lower it again because my white blood cell count continues to decline. Everything else is good, but I am weakening which I assume is to be expected. He asked me how I was doing and I replied, "I feel like a chimp most of the time. I itch under my arms something awful and I am always looking at my butt to see my progress in healing. It is almost unnatural....unless, of course, you are chimp or some other primate." He looked at me and smiled. He said, "You are one of the funniest people I have every met." I am thinking tough audience - you NEVER laugh! So, now I can't use deodorant because of my itch and I have to moisturize under my arms. There is a flip! I told him that I am only able to pull off everything I can because my friends and family pull up the slack, so I can't stink or they won't help me anymore! He smiled again (apparently laughing on the inside) and moved on to my examination. He told me that my butt looked good and everything else was normal.....expect the cancer part, but you know that is my normal. Here is a thought....the other day, I was in a situation where I used the phase, "Grass is always greener on the other side of the fence." And then I thought, wait a minute, nobody wants MY grass.....at least not right now.......DARN! Don't worry - I am fine - doing much better after talking to my social worker - she is just what I needed......Love, Ang