Last week.....

So, let's start with Sunday, Mother's Day.  All I wanted to do it go to the Flagship REI store, try out bikes (not buy one), and then go to lunch at Ivar's on Elliot Bay and throw french fries at the seagulls.  I did both with all my boys and, while it was difficult for Nolan to understand that we are going shopping for ME, he relented.   Throwing french fries was fun.  Nolan was, of course, doing it his way.  The boys tried calamari and liked it and after a walk on the waterfront and a visit to the Ole Curiosity Shop, I felt that my day was complete.  After dinner with my Mom and Dad, my head hit the pillow and I said to Grant, "Best Mother's Day Ever" (and last years was awesome, so the bar is getting a bit high!).  Monday, Mason had school and Nolan had a developmental study at the UW.  Nolan has been in this study since he was 2 and while my life is complicated, I always feel like I have a way easier life than most.  Here is why.....part of the study is based on his home situation so they ask me questions like, "Has Nolan ever seen you hit your spouse?"  Has Nolan even seen his Grandparents hit each other?"  "Did you steal things before Nolan was born?  After?"  "Do you have a boyfriend?"  (and I want to respond with no - I have a collapsed vagina from radiation damage!, but of course I don't),  "Has Nolan's brother ever been arrested?" (He is seven.) and so on and so forth.  Cancer has got to be cake compared to that.  On the way home, Nolan recognized Ivar's from the freeway and asked if we could go back and throw fries at the seagulls.  I said, "Sure, I am hungry."  He was MUCH better at it on Monday.  Tuesday - Mason school, Nolan swim lessons, Nolan T-ball game, me fasting for my scan on Wednesday.  Wednesday - scan and deliver Grandma's room frig to Mason's teacher whose daughter is going to Gonzaga in the fall - GO ZAGS!  Starving.  Thursday - Bible Study Year End Brunch, garden walk with one of my bible study gals, couple errands, go to school to retrieve the frig delivery wagon and then the phone call from Hank.  Friday - errands, a little work, and then now.  When I told my Dad the results of the scan, he got choked up and told me how proud of me he was for persevering.  When I told my Mom, she was fine.  When I told Grant, he was like, "Do we ever get great news on the first scan?"  So, here are the results.  THE SAME.  Everything is stable - no growth, no smaller.  Hank told me he had to bump/jazz up his game.  I was thinking he needed to get out more.  So, Monday, we add Avastin back in.  It will add a hour plus to my treatment and it may give me high blood pressure, not that it did before.  How do I feel?  Nothing really.  I guess I just feel like this pull between being sick and well, live or death and it gets a little dramatic for me.  I mean, don't get me wrong, I love being dramatic, but I prefer that to be with friends, stupid stories, and a drink in my hand, not this.  But I have learned that I have to give it time, have patience, and "just keep swimming" as Dory on Finding Nemo says.  How did I deal?  I cleaned out the garage, and I bought my bike.  My bike that I picked and no one else did.  (I have never picked my own bike and for some reason I needed to - especially since the stupid sandbags are coming down this summer!)  Lets be clear - I have no intention of giving up or giving in.  My boys just got really fun and, while my old goal was to see Mason so to school, my new goal is to live until they naturally stop talking to me.  I figure 13ish.  So, I got six to eight years on my back.  Who knows what will happen in six to eight years.  Enjoy your weekend.....I am ordering accessories for my bike!  Love, Ang