Sunday, August 9, 2009
We Plan, God Laughs
This is a title of a book that my cancer buddy, Susie, told me about. She just howled at the title and we got a good laugh out of it. Unbeknownst to her, I actually bought it and read it. If you ever followed the Oprah phenomenon on the book, "The Power of Now" this is like that book, but the "for dummies" version. I liked it. It talked about being your true self, your relationship with God, and finding your true path by showing you that you have always been on it - you just have to see it. During the book, there were times I was thinking back to the teacher on Charlie Brown, "Wha wha wha wha wha wha.". I always get something good out of those books. But, like "Eat Pray Love", I enjoyed the very last page best, when the author is talking about when you die and what will happen to you. I should add that the author is a Rabbi, so I think this is a natural question that she gets (yes, she is a female Rabbi). ANYWAY! She quotes a little story about when we die and it goes like this...."When I die, I will meet God at the pearly gates. There God will ask me, "Were you the best Angela Clarno you could be?" God will not ask me, "Did all your dreams come true? Did you make a lot of money? Did you become famous?" God will not ask me why I was not Moses, Mother Teresa, or my mom. God will want to know if I was me - divine, authentic, extraordinary, regular me. I hope that I will be able to say yes. Then God and I will laugh together." I bring this up because I have been working on this since college. I remember just starting to trust myself then. Then, I entered the work force where I got lost in what everyone else said I should be and how I should act as a "professional". I tired of that and started to trust myself again. That is when I landed at Childhaven. I thought I was bringing so much to Childhaven and I believe that I did, but that place changed me too and it was WAY for the better. And then when I left Childhaven, it was to essentially, "do nothing". People were surprised, but those close to me knew it was the right thing to do. "Professionals" couldn't wrap there head around it. Who does that at the top of their career? It was a leap of faith, reconnecting with who and what I wanted to be. It was shortly after that, Mason was born. Shortly after, Nolan. I thought I had it all, that I was done, I had arrived. Then Stage Four cancer. I remember it was Karissa's 40th birthday that year. Her birthday is close to mine, but I am two years younger. I had just started chemo for the first time. Being consumed with what was going on with me, I didn't do much for her birthday. She gave me a garden chair with a watering can decoration on it that said, "Hope" for mine. Later I asked her what she did for her 40th and I apologized for not doing more. Karissa, as she always is, blew it off and told me that I had other things on my mind. I remember saying to her, "If I ever turn 40, I am going to Canyon Ranch." She said, "Okay then WHEN you turn 40, I will go with you." A leap of faith and two years later, we leave for Canyon Ranch - just her and I. "Divine, authentic, extraordinary, regular me." My journey continues. Love, Ang P.S. Hey Susie, I got a book for ya.....
Posted by Angela Clarno at 6:44 AM