Saturday, August 1, 2009
Normal with a twist...
So, yesterday, I was busy. The boys were in daycare that day and, with the heat, I was behind on some projects. In addition, my Grandma has needed some more help. She has been a trooper through my cancer. She manages quite well on her own, but her age is getting the better of her these days. It went something like this. The kids slept in, so I had to get them up for daycare, feed them, and say good bye. I notice Grant's cellphone on the counter. I get in the truck basically follow him to preschool and put the phone in his car. Mind you, I am still in my PJs and haven't brushed my teeth, let alone my hair. I get home and start to empty all the pools and water play stuff in the back yard in case Grant wants to mow tonight. I pick the blueberries, strawberries, and weed the garden. I realized that I am now late, run upstairs, shower, dress, grab my stuff and go. I get to my Grandma's and my Dad shows up a few minutes later. We reorganize some files, write down her medications, and set up a schedule for paying her bills for her. Dad will be first in August. She is misplacing things, losing bills, tax info, etc. She is 90. Actually, if you ask her she is 91, but that story would take days. At noon, I realize that I haven't eaten breakfast and I am starting to get cranky. I tell the both of them that I am going to lunch or I am going to get cranky. My Dad informs me that I already am. REALLY? We leave my Grandma's for lunch and as we are going down the hall, I think about Dad and I swooping in and changing things of my Grandma. I tried to be respectful and not change too much. After all, if she could not find stuff before, if we move too much she will never find anything! But I also know what it is like to not have control of everything. To have people clean your house and take your kids to the doctor, school, etc. You are no longer indepentent and you truly DEPEND on these people. It is a weird combination of loss and gratfullness. I can't quite explain it. I also know what it is like to say, I have absolutely no idea when or how that happened. It is scary. Anyway, we had lunch and something very odd happened. A young man started a conversation with us, and in the end, asked if I was single. THIS IS IN FRONT OF MY DAD AND MY GRANDMA. I nicely told him no and he very nicely left. WEIRD. I thought, "If you know how damaged these goods are, you would not want me." But then, if he had good judgement he probably wouldn't have asked me that with a wedding ring on my finger AND with a 90 and 70 year old with me. We dropped off Grandma and I went on with my day. I, of course, went to Fred Meyer and picked up our stuff for the week, I went home to drop it off and returned phone calls. One from a software training company (I may need to brush up on my skills), two from cancer patients, and one from a girlfriend who needed advice. I got those taken care of and went to return/exchange a couple of things at Nordstrom before the sale was over. How is it that I go to return and it turns into an exchange, and then I buy more????? Here is a funny side note (not that this whole post isn't a side note) - earlier in the day, when I was pumping gas at Fred Meyer, a woman complimented me on my shoes. I told her I got them at Nordy's. We had a nice chat and later (when I was supposed to be exchanging) I saw her at Nordstrom buying the shoes. Clearly, she was serious! I get out of Nordstrom, remember that I have a gift certificate to Victoria's Secret, go there, find the cutest nightgown, get that, jump in the car, pick up the kids and then...............a teacher pulls me aside........."Mason really missed you today and last week when you didn't pick him up (my Mom did) he thought you were sick again." Not being there for my Grandma, cancer patient calls, seeing the scars on my back when I tried on the nightgown, being so thankful for every breath every day...........sometimes this can be quite a twist. EXHALE. Thank the teacher, get the kids, get in the car, and drive home while talking to Mason. The conversation went like this, "Mason, I am not sick anymore and I don't want you to worry about it." "Okay." "Seriously Mason, I don't want you to worry about this. Mommy is doing everything she can, but we can't control it, so we can't worry about it." "When will you get sick again?" "I don't know - maybe never." "Never?" "Maybe, but maybe not. Mason, the point is we cannot worry about it everyday. If it comes back, I will tell you. You will be one of the first ones to know. Okay?" "Yes, mama." "Okay, so let's have a nice evening, okay." "Okay!" We got home, and they were AWFUL from start to finish. The evening ended with Nolan pooping in the tub, Grant coming home and putting them to bed, and me having a glass of wine - or was it two? Enjoy the weekend, Ang
Posted by Angela Clarno at 6:05 AM
Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)
Holy cow...I am exhausted just reading this post! You go girl! You have your stamina AND your energy back...can you pass some my direction? Just love your stories and hope you continue to regularly post about your life! Checking your blog has become such a regular part of our lives, no sense in stopping it now?
Love you lots! Continue to smile and to love your life...even if it's a bit tough at times!
I also am tired to the core after reading your blog. I am constantly amazed at your energy and thoughtful ways of caring for your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you daily and I too would miss your blog if you don't write. Being as far away as I am from you and your family, I really appreciate keeping up on what's happening in your life.
Love you, Judi
Your family roller coaster picture just symbolizes so well what life is like as a parent (or in general)...Up and down, Up and down, scared, happy, screaming, smiling, tears, accidents of a personal nature (ie. the bathtub for Nolan), laughing, holding on to the person next to you for support (Mason's concern for you) and comfort, terror, bliss, anger "why did I get on this stupid ride?", blame "Was riding this thing your idea?",joy.......We can't wait to take the ride (become a parent) and when we get off and we can't wait to get back on again. Life? Jane
OMG! You make me tired just hearing how busy you were Friday! You're so great to help your Grandmother. Really. And sweet, sweet Mason! I agree with everyone else - keep the blog going. Checking it is part of my computer routine now and I love hearing all of your stories. Hugs!!
Though I am a virtual no one to you, I have been enjoying your blog since my wife pointed it out to me. I am a stage 3 colon cancer survivor, and blogged regularly throughout 2007. You are truly an amazing and busy woman! However, I want to chime in from the other side in that I have found blogging to be an "extra" task that I didn't want to create time for after the end of chemo and recovery. I keep it alive for those that want to read about colon cancer, but rarely contribute to it anymore. That was my "cancer" life and I now have a non-cancer life to live. You should feel the freedom to do the same...
I understand the guy being attracted to you but the rules of social etiquette prohibit such behavior when one is wearing a wedding ring and in the company of her relatives. Mason is in the process of learning a complex piece of information, ie you are well but you might get sick again.
He is learning so many things like the daylight is followed by the dark and then the same cycle predictable and constant things like right and wrong, good and not good etc. Trying to understand the future of mommies health is like trying to walk across quicksand. In my simple way of trying to understand children I think of each child being born with an empty tool box and as they progress through life they aquire tools to cope with the reality of life, one of the toughest problems to cope with is the uncertainty of life itself. As you help Mason deal with this remember to keep it honest, not harsh or not unrealistically soft, just the gentle truth. Remember his toolbox is still pretty light in the coping area. As for keeping your blog going I understand what Ed is saying, this phase of life is finished and you don't want to wallow in a pity-pit. Another way to look at it is you have contributed some life growth lessons that are not available any where else and with your healing there comes "the rest of the story". Those of us who shared this journey with you will also see things differently. You know how when you go to have your eyes tested the Doctor rotates lenses through machine and asks "is that better or is this better, is that sharper or is this sharper?" All of us will view this as the trip of a courageous young Mom who showed us how to cope with the depth despair and the summit of hope, and all the "qwap" that lies in between. My love to you and your courageous little band of Clarnos. pat&mag
I think the rule is "if your kids are being brats, they're not worried about you." Don't forget to take naps, you crazy woman. Naps are where it's at!
Post a Comment