Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Situational Anxiety

After my "stroke like symptoms" in January that turned out to be a migraine, I have had some issues with anxiety. After being reviewed, it has been deemed as "situational" because I only experience it when my children are in my care and when I am away from the house with them. So, after my first therapy appointment, I was given homework. My homework is to something once a week with the kids that is away from the house and not familiar to me. I was to make a list of low, medium, and high risk places and work from low to high. After six weeks of that, I am to return for that a therapy appointment to discuss. The first week, I chose to go on multiple errands. I figured this was low risk because I could really bail anytime between errands. So, I went to Target, McClendons, Grocery Outlet and Costco. The boys and I managed great. Actually, we did so well, that we stopped by a park on the way home. At the park that has NO bathrooms, Nolan pooped (I had run out of diapers) and Mason told me, "Mom, I have to poop too and it is a BIG ONE!" So, I immediately had to get everyone into the car and rush them home. We made it. The funny part of that one was that it was the first time everyone else had the pooping problem. Now, THAT is a breakthrough!!!! The second week, my homework was to go out to lunch with the boys and go out to dinner. It was easy to get there because of the air conditioning. Lunch was HORRIBLE and the service didn't help, but dinner went awesome. We went to the golf course. We talked about restaurant manners, and even though Nolan was tired and hot, the boys did well. They loved watching the golfers and ran around outside a little bit since golfing was so slow. The kid's menu was awesome, the service was great, and they served good beer on tap which made Grant happy. This week, I decided that Karissa was going to get a haircut. Not because she looks bad, because she has been taking about it forever! So, my homework this week is watching my and Karissa's kids at her house and sending her for a haircut. In the end all of this is going well, but there is a story that I didn't tell you. It is the story of the truly unexpected. See homework is planned and controlled my me. But when you show up to your aunt's cabin for the night with the entire family, forget the keys and lose the spare, that is the true test of your ability to deal with anxiety. Well, on that one, I didn't do too well. Instead of working the problem, I went straight to "I am not able to care for my family. Who forgets the keys? When will I be normal again? I will never be normal again. I am a failure in the most basic sense." Well, the end of that story was Grant took control, we found the spare in the dirt in front of the cabin, and, after calming down, we had a great weekend. I think I like homework better. Enjoy the lower temperatures. Love, Ang


Patrickvashon said...

Guys who had been on the front lines used to get "acute situational anxiety" all the time. It came with the entrenching shovel used to dig foxholes. You are a combat veteran so it is perfectly normal. Each day you are developing coping skills, just by reading your blogs I see them. Grant, Mason, Nolan,your folks and everybody who blogs on your site loves you.
By the way many of those guys in the foxholes had to do what Mason needed to do only they were often times not near a bathroom. Take heart and know you are always loved by all of us, your foxhole buddies. pat&mag

Anonymous said...

AMEN to what pat&mag said!!!! We can always count on something so profound and meaningful. We do love you and love to hear your stories.
Another foxhole buddy,
Your unmet friend

Laurie@duncancleary.com said...

You are the most capable, competent person I know. Even on your subpar days, you leave the rest of us in the dust. And by the way, I lose my keys all the time. That's MY keys, not my aunt's. Good job on the homework, btw. I'm sure you got all A's.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure you will soon have control over your anxiety, just keep working toward that end and take it one day (anxiety) at a time. As for forgetting things......I once forgot to put my husband's clothes in our camper for a 1 week camping trip! And I have forgotten MY car & house keys while visiting with my sister and didn't discover that until I was at the airport on my way home. I had to call home to have someone meet me at the airport with my spare key so I could pickup my car!! I could go on & on with things I have forgotten, and I didn't have the mountains to face like you have. Don't beat yourself up, you are doing great.
Much love from another foxhole buddy.

Dawn Finlayson said...

Love everyone else's stories of forgetting things. Like me Monday when I had Ben in his swimsuit, ready to jump in the pool for his lessons - until I realized we didn't have lessons on Monday!ARGH! Hang in there, girl! Remember that none of us are "normal" and YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU WANT TO DO! Keep up with the homework! Hugs. Dawn