Friday, March 7, 2008

PET/CT Scheduled and now....

the anxiety begins. Tuesday at 12:00 is my PET/CT. They can have results to my oncologist in 24 hours, but that rarely happens so my appointment with the oncologist for results is Thursday at 2:20. I have already been up nights wondering what the results will be, wondering if I am done with active treatment or if there will be more. I know that they will monitor me for months/years even if I am "done", but will I get out of chemo for now? Will I have to do lung surgery? The questions go on and on. It is what it is I suppose and me worrying about it won't change the results on Tuesday. Karissa seems to believe that I am done. In fact, on the way back from getting unhooked on Wednesday we went through the Arby's drive thru and got potato cakes and Jamocha shakes. Two guilty pleasures. She, with all the confidence in the world, was celebrating my completion of chemo. One of my biggest fans. Right up there with Emily, the first nurse that unhooked me back in June. She told me with all the confidence in the world that, ".....20 years from now you will not even remember this....." I remember looking at her like she was high, but I hung on to what she said with both hands and thought about those words during my darkest moments. What I do know is that I will cry on Thursday - for joy, for bad news, in exhaustion, and for the pain and suffering my friends and family have endured over the last nine months. So, if you will for one more time think of me and say a little prayer on Tuesday I would appreciate has worked so far and it definitely can't hurt. Have a great weekend - don't worry I will distract myself with my boys - all of them. Love, Ang


Anonymous said...

When someone says "gamut of emotions" I visualize something like a salad bar where instead of lettuce tomatoes and deviled egg there is joy, sadness,love, anger and even a small dollop of euphoria.Your post today has played the full scale in the "gamut" of your emotions but one I reccomend to focus on is contentment. I know it is easy for me to say but you talk of loving your boys, all of them, and I think there is peace and contentment in that Idea. There is the urgency of "now", savor it, let that love nurture you and support you as you wait for thursday. love pat&mag

Anonymous said...

I will get my prayer warriors down on their knees praying for you. Especially my daughter who asks about you. Enjoy each day with your boys. You are amazing!!!
Your unmet friend

leslie kendall said...

Trade your fear for faith - easier said than done.....but sometimes when I remember that it is very helpful and soothing.
I am praying for you - especially on Tuesday - everytime I say Dear God,it's me, Leslie he's like I know, I know you want to talk about Angie. I'm pulling for you!