Well, this is harder than I thought

After having a great Thanksgiving, I have been struggling ever since. It is not a constant struggle, but one that occurs every time I go to the bathroom. I love rectal cancer - it is a BLAST (literally)! When I was given the option of doing radiation instead of surgery, I jumped on it. Pooping in a bag didn't sound fun and all the people I talked to said, "Radiation? Oh, do it! It is that bad. You can drive yourself to and from treatment, you are a little sore, but it is doable." Now, I remember all of those people were Breast Cancer survivors - not rectal cancer survivors. Let me paint you a picture......radiation dries out your skin, darkens it, and makes it really sensitive. That doesn't sound bad, does it? Well, now run poop along it everyday. Yeah, that part hurts - BAD. So, while I can enjoy food now, I try not to eat. This is my reality...I choose which meal I am going to eat for the day, then I replace the other two meals with protein shakes (thank goodness I can drink them cold again since I am not on the drug that gives me the cold sensitivity anymore), I have to use suppositories every night to "disinfect" the area, sitz bath every time I poop, and rest. My thinking is that if I limit my intake, my output will dramatically reduce and I will limit my pain. Get this, none of my colorectal buddies have done radiation so I didn't get a warning on this and I didn't put two and two together before we started. Brilliant, uh?!?! Now, I do have "windows" of opportunity where I appear normal. I went to Target yesterday to get stuff for the house, complete Mason's birthday supplies, etc., but I was home within two hours just in case. I focus on 25 days until my radiation treatment ends (19 more treatments) and then I am back to what I know - chemo. My last day of treatment is the 20th of December. Yes, I will call the doctor, but I will see him on Tuesday, so I am trying to wait until then. I am hoping there is a topical treatment to dull the pain, but seriously beyond that what can they do? A girl has to poop every once and a while! Signing off while sitting on my ball chair.....love, Angie