Thanksgiving and.....

THANKSGIVING.  Thanksgiving is HERE.  HOLY CRAP!  How did that happen?  Wait, I wanted that to happen.  I longed for this.  Y'know, time going too fast, holidays sneaking up on you, years flying by.  The flip side of that is hoping to make to Christmas, through Christmas with memories you want your kids to have...norms change....THANK GOD.

Everything Thanksgiving, my family and a set group of friends meet up.  For many years, it was at my Mom's house, then with all the chaos, it was at a friends, and now it is back at my Mom's house.  I am going down today to check it out, wash bar wear, and help her with her Verizon Bill.  Usually, she is freaking out right about now, but she is more concerned about her Verizon Bill than anything else......this should be interesting.  Maybe she just doesn't worry about the little stuff anymore....like after the last post she called me and was like, "Herpes too?  When did you get Herpes?"  I explained it was just the medicine and, "No, Mom, no one thinks I have herpes...."

So, for this Thanksgiving I am thankful for all the normal stuff - being alive, not being in chemo, y'know, but this year my net is wider.  This year started with my Mom have a large haital (SP) hernia and needed surgery, my Dad's prostate cancer had to be treated - aggressively, we were going into a remodel and we were between houses for seven weeks.  I pureed my Mom's food, monitored her pills (even when she took them whole - BAD MOMMY), reviewed my Dad's treatment, made dinner for the family, packed leftovers for Grant.  I did this all out of the guest house at my parents.  We went to San Diego.  My Mom got back to solid foods, my Dad didn't have to sleep next to the bathroom (on a brick floor mind you) because he didn't want to wake Mom, the boys, or me.  We moved back in, loved our house, and came in on time and within budget.  We had an open house, went camping, went to Montana, dug fossils and dinosaur bones.  With all the bad came the good, with all the hardship came victory.  What a year.  And one thing that I would like to stress is that no one in my family complained - not once.  My Mom ate pureed food for three weeks - not one complaint.  My Dad slept for probably a week on a brick floor even though I gave him every other option in the world - not once.  I guess that is where I got it from.  It probably is from my Mom's Montana roots and my Father's Eastern Washington upbringing.  Not a complaint, no grace either, but not a complaint.  Thankful for the docs, thankful for the support, thankful, well, for everything.

LAST THING - I "won" a trip to Hawaii!  I was filling a seat for Karissa and Morgan and the Childhaven action and I always get a Golden Ticket which is a $150 raffle ticket.  This ticket, if drawn, lets you take something off the live auction - FOR $150.  So, I bought it and wandered around the silent auction with Karissa and, her sister, Lisa.  We were dressed to the nines and looking good I may say!  We were like, "We are NOT going home just with a receipt this year!  We are getting something!  YEAH!  YEAH!"  No, behavior and dress do not match all the time in my world.  Anyway, she got a couple silent auction items and I entered the live auction with my raffle ticket and 4 tickets to the Tacoma Rainiers (silent auction item).  I was STARVING.  There was no cheese plate this year!  The introduction starts and I am like, "Is there bread?  Can I eat that?"  Again with the behavior, I know!  FINALLY, they bring out a salad and I am like, "HOLY COW!"  People next to me were like, "What is this?  What is that?"  I was like, "Salad, oddly with a small side of potatoes, and, oh yeah, those are beets."  Golden ticket drawing beginning, "NUMBER 159!"  My ticket was 222.  I continue eating.  "Can you pass the bread?"  and all of the sudden I hear my name over the PA.  Then Karissa is very sternly said, "Ang, YOU WON!  IT IS YOUR PADDLE NUMBER."  I was like, "No, I didn't.  My ticket is 222."  Stuff face with bread.  At that point, if Karissa could flick my forehead, she would have.  She was like, "Ang - YOU WON.  GO UP THERE!"  Turn, wipe mouth, pretty sure I have salad in my teeth.  LIGHTS ON ME.  I go up on stage.  Dazed but I hope that I am going to be as eloquent and sophisticated as I was trained to be at one time.  John Curley asked me if I know which item I want and I say....PAUSE..so let's back up.....the night before, I read all the rules of the Golden ticket right before bed and read all options to Grant.  I asked him what he would want and he played along thinking and rolling his eyes to himself like, "You know the odds are against you, right?!?!?!"  All he said was, "It is hard to beat Hawaii."  UNPAUSE.  Okay, back to the stage, I know what I want.  I could have been suave and cool, but because I am me and this is my life I am QUITE sure that it came out like, "WHA - OH HAWAII!!!!  MAUI!!!  Yeah, that one......." and I am QUITE SURE I spit a couple pieces of salad out on the stage.  So, I won.  $150 for a trip to Maui.  Next year is our 20th wedding anniversary and we honeymooned there.  PERFECT.  I was never one for odds anyway.......

May you have the BEST of Thanksgivings!  Love, Ang

Ahhhhh....nerve blockers......

So, pain during the weekend was bit better and Monday I saw the doctor that did my ablation procedure.  He was like, "You had some excitement on Friday.  Why didn't you page me?"  I explained that my phone was dead and I had also lost his pager number. He gave it to me again.  I said also, "You know you were off on Friday."  I do not know why I say these things.  These are futile arguments when you deal with Docs that are so committed to their patients.  I got the look.  It said, "I told you you can page me whenever you need to, so cut it."  Remember, it was just a look, but I still said, "Okay, okay, I am sorry.  You are in my special doctor location in my wallet now.  I will page you."  He responded with, "You did the right thing to come in."  I nod.  He examined me and said, "Well, I am not surprised at this, but I am a little confused on why it did not happen immediately after the procedure."  He went on to tell me how fast nerves heal (they don't), what I can expect, and what we can do for pain management.  "There is this drug that is a nerve blocker.  It will help with the pain, but the numbness will be there for a while.  It has been very successful with Herpes patients."  I was fine until Herpes.  I look at him like, "Am I supposed to be able to relate to that, and how do you know that?!?!?"  WHATEVER.  They work and I am back in the saddle.  So much so, I delivered 1300 products yesterday for the fundraiser.  Don't worry I am resting today with my Herpes medicine.  Happy Wednesday!  Ang

I thought is was done, then....

Friday the 11th went well.  Like really well.  The procedure went great, the doc and I agreed that I should not get pain meds after the procedure just to see how my pain was.  I believed and I think I convinced him it was the pain meds that made me sick last time.  When I was infertility treatment, my Dr. at the time said, "Tell me about your cramps."  I said, "They are normal."  Months later in the process, I was having cramps and said, "Hang on, I need to lay down.  I have cramps."  So, I laid down and was breathing through the cramps.  By this time, I had been through several infertility tests and NEVER experienced pain even when I was supposed to.  He looked at me and said, "That isn't normal.  Angie, you always say you have a low tolerance for pain.  After all this time, I think it is quite the opposite."  After labor and delivery and cancer treatment including bilateral lung surgery, I believe him.  So, I had no pain meds, they gave me a BEAUTIFUL QUIET ROOM and he made me stay until 8 for observation and then released me.  Karissa stayed all day.  Gotta love that girl.  Grant got the kids and played with Robin and Jen on Friday night.  I didn't bother them until I was in the car.  I wanted to make sure I was coming home.  During the weekend, I slept a lot.  Robin and Jen cooked dinner for Grant and I.  Not just any dinner, anniversary dinner.  They brought everything - flowers, their pictures from all those years ago, chocolate, wine, everything.  Still in my PJs, I combed my hair and we have a very nice evening.  They went to the movies with the boys.  BTW - my boys adore their girls and the play so nicely together.  We are really blessed.  Grant and I really relaxed and just talked about everything.  He even told me about thing growing up that I didn't know about.  He was also drinking, so I was playing with him a little, like, "Tell me more about that and what about past girlfriends...."  He just looked at me and said, "Now you are taking advantage of the situation."  "Moi?"  ;)  Anyhoo, we all went to the pumpkin patch the next day and did the pumpkin sling shot.  ROBIN won the GIGANTIC pumpkin this year and it is now proudly placed in our front yard.  Kinda thought that may be a problem at the border crossing.  The corn maze took twice as long this year with 14 points to obtain before we could leave and get our prize which was a giant, like size of your fist, jawbreaker.  Nolan had it ALL over himself  by the time we got home.  I took a nap and the house began to smell like Thanksgiving Dinner.  It was awesome - complete with homemade pumpkin cheesecake.  Robin had made it in Kelowna and transported it all the way here.  Jen was complaining about how big the pan was and what family would ever need a cheesecake that size. She offered to leave the pan here.  After dessert, they took the pan.  Rightfully so.  It really didn't end up being that big after all.  The Jones' said their goodbyes and packed up for the big drive on Monday.  Apparently, their giant jawbreakers lasted the entire trip!  Monday morning arrived and I got the kids off to school.  I was tired all day, but by Wednesday I was a full steam.  PTA busy, 8200 box tops submitted, working with Heather and email conversions not going well, ukulele practice, basketball for Nolan, soccer for Mason and then Thursday hit.  I was like, okay, I have a cough and my chest hurts.  Do as little as possible.  I clear the rest of the day.  Friday morning I feel better....start again....3pm my left side is numb on one thin line (my lung surgery sucher line) and shooting pain in the same area that registered as a 9 out of 10 occur.  I am at Staples.  Phone dead.  I email from my iPad.  Hank says, "At this point of the day, go to the ER because they can do all the tests we need."  This is one of the longest responses he has ever given me because he knows that I consider a visit to the ER a failure.  I get there before 4 and email once more, "I am here...can't I do this in the office or do I have to go to the ER."  "I am afraid they are the only ones that can run everything I want."  I end the conversation with, "Fine, but you are mean."  (I apologized later.)  Friday night in the ER is, well, interesting.  I called Grant and he was like, "What - I can't hear you?  You want me to what?  Why?'  I hung up on them screaming in the phone - "READ YOUR EMAIL!"  I had cced him on everything.  He met me at the ER.  We had a nice time and I apologized for yelling at him.  He understood and I think I gave him some insight on the cell reception at the proposed new rental space for CRETE.  The nurses were great.  I did say that the only silver lining to this ER visit was that I was missing a birthday party Chuckie Cheese.  (THANK YOU BECKEY FOR TAKING THE BOYS WITH MIA!  YOU TOOK ONE FOR THE TEAM LAST NIGHT!)  One nurse looked at me with that OMG look and said, "I can keep you here as long as you want."  I was there until 8pm just as the party was ending.  EKGs, CAT scan, lung x-rays, and blood work.  I felt RIDICULOUS being there with some numbness and shooting pain.  Hank came in.  "I think you have a gummed up nerve.  They may have nicked something last week. You lungs are good, your heart is good and no PE (blood clot) which we were worried about.  Go home."  Don't have to tell me twice.  I was up and leaving when Grant said, "Honey, your IV is still in."  The nurse came in and tells me that I need to relax, eat fruits and vegetables, walk around the block, and not be so hurried.  I didn't say much but when we got in the car Grant was like, "Who was that nurse?"  I said, "I don't know, but I want a burger from Family Drive In, you?"  That was a great burger.  Happy Saturday (from home!), Ang

As well as could be expected and

way better than I expected.  The ablation went well.  We will not know if it was completely successful or not until 3-6 months from now, but he hit where he wanted to and he got it as much as he had plan.  Wow...what a blessing.  I had a great weekend and I will tell you all about it later, but for now, I wanted you to know, that I am really fine....moving but tire pretty easily, so give me a day or two for details...thank you...love, Ang

The plan is set...

All of my docs decided that we going to do ablation surgery.  There was some discussion about if we should do such an invasive procedure but the final word was, "...she is healthy and we can do this now, so we will.."  Invasive?  Really?  I have had both of my lungs (at different times, of course) taken out, cut, stitched, cauterized, stapled, and then put back in.  Invasive is not impaling you with a 14 gauge needle to put in a very hot probe and burn something out.  That is like a walk in the park.  HOWEVER, I will say this ablation surgery will be more complicated than the previous and on the list of things that could happen are: burn a hole in my bronchial tube and/or burn my lung resulting in temporary pleurisy.  Both are either corrected by surgery or good ol' healing.  When I was asked if I had any questions, I said, "Is death on the side effects list?"  "Probably not, but...."  So, "no".  COOL, LET'S DO IT!  I check in Friday at 8am for a 10am procedure.  Karissa is going to take me, I spend the night in the hospital (hopefully not the slip and fall wing again - note to self - take ear plugs!), and Mom will take me home after a clean chest x-ray on Saturday morning.

And with the crisp nights, rain, and Canadian Thanksgiving quickly approaching, I am reminded that it is my anniversary.  Nineteen years and counting (again).  I mean that in a good way - I am actually looking forward despite my surgery, my stats, my diagnosis 6 and a half years ago.  So, bring it ablation...you got nothing on me.  Happy Canadian Thanksgiving!  Love, Ang

And then I cried.

Yesterday was, well, fun if love needles and pain.  I have learned to be pretty good with it, but wow.  So, at 9:00am we went to the CT Scanner and I was suppose to lay as close to how I lay during my PET/CT scan.  Easy.  Local pain killer was injected, but nothing else because your lung moves when you breath and you have to be able to hold your breath.  No happy drugs for this one!  This was harder than they thought and after 45 mins on in an out, calling for a 25 gauge needle (that is HUGE) and asking me if this hurts or is it just pressure, I was unable to breathe "normally".  It is really hard to breathe when a needle is going in and out of your lung.  Your body is trying to protect itself and you your brain is trying to allow it to happen.  We finally came to, "Angie, I have another opportunity.  I will have to start all over and it will hurt.  You will have to hold your breath as long as you can."  My reply, "Do it.  I am NOT getting off the table until we get it."  The tech came in, held my left hand and by the end was holding my forehead down to keep me still.  I was doing everything to not move (somewhat unsuccessful), tears were streaming down my face wetting my hair on either side.  And then they said it, "Fluids out.  You are a trooper."  They bandaged me up, told me test results would start coming in soon, but probably next week.  Grant took me home.  I didn't do much but sit on the couch and work on the upcoming fundraiser for school.  I emailed Hank and scheduled with him for next week - Friday.  His voice kept coming into my head, "Angie, if it is cancer on the right side and we know we have cancer in the left, we may have to consider chemo."  Systemic approach.  I slowly close my eyes and breathe.  Mason was still home but way on the mend.  The school open house was last night and we all went.  I hurt, but not enough to miss it.  Went to bed right when we got home.  This morning I dropped the kids at school, did a couple things, and have a meeting at 11 with the principle.  I got home, chatted with Karissa while prepping for my meeting - she got new kitties and they are so cute!, and then I hung up and went to my email.  Hank emailed - no subject.  I open it, "Cytology on the fluid is negative.  Good work.  hk"  No cancer on the right side.  And then I cried.  Happy Happy Happy Friday, Ang

Lighting speed....

My doc that is going to take the fluid from my lung calls me and says, "Did you take your Lovenox today because I would like to get the fluid this afternoon.  We have a small window of opportunity to get this fluid."  No kidding!  So, with one kid sick and a teacher training today and two more kids coming home, I was like, "Today is a bit tight, but tomorrow I am all yours."  "Great, Donna will call and schedule it."  Thank God I have so many people to drive me, watch my kids, and take care of everything.  So, it begins.....

Well, it is not perfect, but workable....

I got the call today during Leadership Committee at my sons' school.  Mason had to be picked up early.  Fever and exhaustion.  Then, 45 mins later, I picked up Nolan.  The 10 mins later I left for Leadership.  Thank Goodness I have a babysitter that is flexible! Call came in at 4:30.  He asked me how I was doing, what I was doing, etc. I told him and he said, "You are really amazing."  And I feel it...I now get to juggle more, don't I?  "There are two things that we have to look at.  One, is the same place we did cyberknife. (That is in my left lung.)  I looks like it is back and we have an email out to the Doc to see if she can treat it, but I think she can.  (She is on vacation!)  Two, you have fluid in your right lung."  I explained to him that it made sense.  Something has been up with my right lung.  I just figured it was anxiety, guess I was wrong.  He said it was super small, so I would not have been able to feel it.  Okay, maybe I am super sensitive!?!?!?!  So, tomorrow, I will get a call and set the appointment to get the fluid removed and tested.  If it tests positive, we may treat it or I will be back in chemo.  We will do cyberknife again to the other side if that is possible.  It really is still up in the air.  The giant yes/no chart in the sky.....

Is this perfect?  No.  Is it workable?  Yes.  Is it what I want?  No.  Do I like chemo is back inching its way on the table. ABSOLUTELY F&*()@*#&#*($&%@#(KING NOT.  Am I at death's door?  No, far from it.  Am I annoyed?  Yes.  So......tomorrow, I will be okay, but tonight I will feel it.  If I don't it will creep up on me, it will shadow me, and it will scare me.  Yes, tonight I will curl up with my sick boy and take care of him......because tomorrow and the next day and the next day is all I need.  I just need to string them all together to make into a lifetime.  I will be fine tomorrow.  Ang

And with a haircut a summer is gone...

Settle in, preferably with a beer (or coffee if it is the am), this is a long one...

Summer.  This summer was great wasn't it?  Hot, dry, sunny, beautiful.  You could actually depend on the weather.  We had an amazing summer.  Well, there was camping at Mt. Rainier during a lighting storm and so much rain that Grant was digging trenches around the tent with a Frisbee and our inflatable mattress was literally floating in a puddle under the tent.  Somehow we stayed dry enough for the boys to sleep through and once Grant's adrenaline subsided to sleep a little.  All I said was, "The faster we go to sleep the faster we wake up."  We dried everything out the next day and went home after dinner and before the rain.  Basketball camp was fun for the boys.  Nolan is a true fan - quite a little basketball player he will be.  And then the grand finale....a road trip.  We started in Republic, WA.  We had lunch in Soap Lake and Drive In where you "phone in' your order - boys loved it!  Did the Grand Coulee Dam tour and rolled into the Lake Curlew Campground at 5ish.  We set up, cooked dinner with 100 yellow jackets, and the boys met Johnny.  Johnny just got a fishing pole and there was a dock.  The rest of the evening was spent doing catch and release off the dock.  The boys had so much fun and smelled so much like fish!  Crazy boy fun.  The next day we went to the fossil museum and dug for fossils, the car museum in Curlew and the haunted Hotel in Curlew (but due to lack of demand the were closed on Sunday - really that means they are only open on Saturday).  Sleepy place.  We had so much fun digging we went BACK to the fossil place on Monday morning.  That morning we got up and Grant thought about showering and I was like, "No worries, we will shower in Idaho.  We are just going to get dirty this morning."  Remember, fish, dirt, fossils, camping.  He agreed and off we went.  Digging, dirty and then off to a campground in Idaho for showers.  Just an overnight to get to Essex the next stop.  When we got there, Grant and I were looking around, and Grant said, "Ang, this is a National Forest."  Already realizing that and the general lack of showers in National Forest Campgrounds, I was like, "Yes, Grant.....I thought is was a State Park....there is always the lake..."  FYI - I HATE BATHING IN LAKES AND HE IS SUPER DUPER AWARE OF THAT.  So, we set up camp.  Nolan proceeds to get dirtier than he already was playing cars in the dirt, soccer and tripping his brother who tripped him back, etc. The boys went down to the lake to "check it out".  There was no bathing in there.  First, there was a sign and then there was the fierce waves like serious skull pounding into the shore waves.  Oh well.  I guess this is what it is like to be homeless.  Have dinner and this time we had dinner will 5000 yellow jackets.  No traps at the National Parks.  We were pretty much done with it when one landed on Nolan's plate and proceeded to drag a piece of Kielbasa off that was half its size.  Grant and I exhaled and were like - we are DONE.  Next stop, Izzac Walter Inn and staying in the converted luxury diesel engine.  Laundry, restaurant, bar, game room.  Yeah...that will be welcomed.  Next day, wake up, eat breakfast as fast as we can with our 5000 buddies and off to Kalispell where Grant and I spend a lot of time when we first dated.  He worked on site in Montana quite a bit.  We stopped by the grocery store and loaded up so that we could take FULL advantage of our kitchen in our converted luxury diesel engine.  We got gas and off we went again.  When we arrived at the Inn and checked in for the converted luxury diesel engine (yes, I like saying it), I can just imagine what we looked like.  I went in alone.  Checked in and when I was just about done one of owners (which I found out later) explained to me how to get assistance after 10pm since I was not staying inside the Inn and they locked it tight at 10pm.  It was very confusing and I think I started to stink, but I replied to all of these instructions with, "Sir, I am woman that needs a shower, a laundry room, and to shave my legs.  None of which I will need assistance with and surely no assistance after 10pm.  You will not be hearing from us."  He chuckled and said, "My staff will appreciate that." and we were treated like gold from the rest of the visit.  Glacier National I would strongly recommend  to anyone and I would also recommend the red bus tour.  So amazing and the short half day Secret Valley tour is the one we went on.  Perfect.  The boys LOVED it.  The guide amazing.  The history worth every penny.  We spent one day just at the lodge.  Little hikes, playing shuffleboard (which was off the bar and the only place to get internet), watching trains and playing in our engine - a vacation from our vacation.  The last day we did the Road to the Sun and lunched at Logan Pass.  We did the hike to the Hidden Lake Lookout and saw Mountain Goats, fat squirrels, and marmots.  The day was great but now we were going into the unknown - Bynum, Montana.  Even people from Montana do not know where Bynum is.  Population 23.  No potable water.  We roll in about 6:00pm.  The Dinosaur Museum that we are going on a dig with closes at 6:30.  We check in about the next day and see the museum.  We ask where we should stay and tell them about our friendly encounter with yellow jackets.  They say, "The yellow jackets are very friendly here too."  We leave and go to the next town to find lodging or camping, but Grant and I just can't seem to get it together for camping.  Too many bees and we would have to go shopping again.  We also just found out that our dig the next day would last until 6:30 at night rather than 4 because they need so much help.  So, we caved.  We went to the Stage Stop Inn with a pool and free breakfast.  The boys were in heaven with pool.  I was in heaven with the restaurant across the street.  I never dine somewhere two nights in a row, but I did there and happily.  Amazing people; amazing HOMEMADE food.  Couple things I will say about Montana - you can take kids to bars and the food is good.  I like that, but my mama is from there, so there it is.  The Dinosaur dig was cool and yes, we got to bring home what is called float dinosaur bones.  The boys were amazing.  It was hot and we were fully clothed for the sun.  They didn't complain once.  We got to actually dig on sites.  I found stuff; Grant found stuff.  And when everyone switched except for me, my guide let me pick up against the bone (with heavy supervision), but it was so fun!  I think we are all paleontologists now.  We got back to the Stage Stop and needed showers.  The boys went to the pool and then we all went to dinner.  Best day.  We explained that the next day was going to be a LONG day in the car.  The longest we had ever had - probably 13 hours.  The boys didn't flinch.  They wanted to get home.  We started out right after breakfast.  Long lunch in Wallace, ID, traffic in Cle Elum and home in 12 hours.  Three times I heard the boys say, "That was the best trip ever."  My heart sang.  Three short days later we started school.  I hit PTA hard.  Mia was at the house because all childcare shuts down right before school.  She learned a lot about dinosaur bones and I got my girl fix.  And then we went for haircuts.  The boys did not cut their hair all summer.  I liked it.  It was long and soft.  The curls started to show and Nolan didn't look like such an Auschwitz victum.  But they wanted it cut before school and and they wanted to go to the barber.  "Buzz cut number 3 please - all over" Nolan requested.  And the curls gentlely tumbled down.  As I watched I remembered, scan is coming.  School is coming.  How am I going to balance PTA co-President with chemo?  There is no coach for Nolan's basketball skill camp.  I could do it, but what if I have to go back?  And then it was done.  School started, PTA has been BUSY, and my scan in on Tuesday the 10th.  All with a haircut, we continue.  The break over.  Damn, it was a great summer.  Love, Ang

In my house....

So, I write to you one month since my last post.  Quite honestly until now I have had nothing to post about.  Most of the time, if I have something to say, I MUST say it.  If I do not, it haunts me and literally keeps me up at night.  There is was last night again.  So, here goes.....The weeks have been moving along - Camp Barachah (faith based adventure camp with Carter and Ethan) DONE; Camping at Lake Chelan with John Knox (my church) DONE; Gymnastics camp with Mia since she was tired of trying to teach Mason and Nolan a cartwheel (which they still can't do but I still can since they double dared me on the last day of camp) DONE; Summer Adventures Started; Nordstrom Anniversary Sale DONE; Donna's Cabin in Plain DONE; and then there was Camping on Lopez Island.  Grant and I have not been to Lopez Island in AGES.  The last time we went was before kids when everyone else had them and we had no plans on New Year's Eve.  Oddly, or should I say sleepily, neither did Lopez Island.  This camping trip was a reunion of people Grant worked with when his old company was RETEC.  WOW, there were people there that I had never met and people there that I meet 20 years ago.  How fun - really, I had so much fun.  But, as with anything when you do not see people for a long time, they ask, "And, how are you?  You look great."  Clearly, the bar for looking great is still pretty low since I was wearing my camping gear and didn't wear a stitch of makeup all weekend including the trip over.  I am actually okay if that never changes.  It seems to be working in my favor.  That is when I realized that I had not talked about my cancer in a month.  Sure, I have seen my oncologist, but we really don't talk about it, just my blood, when I need to come in again, when to remind him to order my scan, etc. And I know Grant I and say things like, "Well, do you think you can coach two soccer teams again?  If I get through my scan in August, I will be good.  But remember last time, that didn't work out and life stunk."  So, I know it comes up, but it is such a task oriented thing now.  Of course, I told each person that asked that I was doing well.  In addition, the person I have been going to chemo with was on this camping trip.  She is doing so well, and we will be going to the last chemo session for her on Thursday.  She will then be done with chemo.  (Now, by her calculations she will not be done until after the following Tuesday when she starts to feel better.  I can give her that.)  Thank Goodness.  She has been a rock star, stead fast, and she wears hats BEAUTIFULLY.  Towards the end of the weekend, people started talking to me about going with her and how good it was for her and for me to do it.  Now, please do not get me wrong, I appreciate that and I acknowledge that it may look like that to someone that has not done it.  But here is the deal.....that is the way it is done.  Pure and simple.  When cancer shows up on the doorstep, people come out of the woodwork and help you.  I have never been alone.  NEVER.  For example, are you aware that I have menu options from more than I can count of certain food contributors?  Yes.  I actually get to choose my food.  Do you know that Sarah, who does the food calendar, has actually been told that they are upset for not getting on the calendar enough?  Do you know that I have filled my freezer four times with premade dinners for six months through donations?  Do you know that Elaine Miller has been to over 80 chemo appointments and only misses them if she is out of the area?  Do you know that she is the one that believed I was having an allergic reaction before anyone else when I stopped breathing during chemo all those years ago? Do you know that Karissa has had the WORST JOB ever for six years and is mad when she can't take me to disconnect?  Do you know that my kids know my parents house better than I do?  Do you know that my neighborhood knows every time I am in chemo just by the pattern of cars in the driveway?  Do you know that my dentist has not only waved every cancellation penalty but offered free treatment to me when I lost dental?  Do you know who many billing people have gone to bat for me?  Do you know how many docs call me directly without an appointment?  Do you know how many emails addresses I have for my doctors - I am talking DIRECT...that is unheard of.  And, do you know that I have raised just under $10,000 for the American Cancer Society because of all of you?  Yeah.  With cancer, you are not alone and either is she.  I have been honored to be with her at her treatments, enjoyed doing big lunches before she goes so that I know she is full of whatever she wants, and I will forever be there for her 24 hours a day/7 days a week.  She is in my house now as I am in so many others.  So, there, I get to sleep tonight.  Happy Tuesday, Ang