Well, it is not perfect, but workable....

I got the call today during Leadership Committee at my sons' school.  Mason had to be picked up early.  Fever and exhaustion.  Then, 45 mins later, I picked up Nolan.  The 10 mins later I left for Leadership.  Thank Goodness I have a babysitter that is flexible! Call came in at 4:30.  He asked me how I was doing, what I was doing, etc. I told him and he said, "You are really amazing."  And I feel it...I now get to juggle more, don't I?  "There are two things that we have to look at.  One, is the same place we did cyberknife. (That is in my left lung.)  I looks like it is back and we have an email out to the Doc to see if she can treat it, but I think she can.  (She is on vacation!)  Two, you have fluid in your right lung."  I explained to him that it made sense.  Something has been up with my right lung.  I just figured it was anxiety, guess I was wrong.  He said it was super small, so I would not have been able to feel it.  Okay, maybe I am super sensitive!?!?!?!  So, tomorrow, I will get a call and set the appointment to get the fluid removed and tested.  If it tests positive, we may treat it or I will be back in chemo.  We will do cyberknife again to the other side if that is possible.  It really is still up in the air.  The giant yes/no chart in the sky.....

Is this perfect?  No.  Is it workable?  Yes.  Is it what I want?  No.  Do I like chemo is back inching its way on the table. ABSOLUTELY F&*()@*#&#*($&%@#(KING NOT.  Am I at death's door?  No, far from it.  Am I annoyed?  Yes.  So......tomorrow, I will be okay, but tonight I will feel it.  If I don't it will creep up on me, it will shadow me, and it will scare me.  Yes, tonight I will curl up with my sick boy and take care of him......because tomorrow and the next day and the next day is all I need.  I just need to string them all together to make into a lifetime.  I will be fine tomorrow.  Ang