Hi....I am tired....

My last post was that I was to start Cyber knife which I have, but I wanted to start after the kids started school.  The interesting part is that I am coughing up "tumor like" objects more than twice a week now.  So, lets review.....

Since December of last year, I have had pelvic PT, an Epi and Colonoscopy, started on Keytruda, had trans anal "mini" tumor clean up, started on cyber knife at the same time, and am coughing up "tumor like" objects from my lungs which messes with my breathing, pulse, and oxygen which is now led to a pulmonary doctor that wants to laser out my stuff in my lungs.  NOTE:  I have also gone to SE Asia, The Kentucky Derby, and Africa on Safari.  So, take all of my whining with a grain of salt.

My boys are at two new school.  Most of you know Mason got into Aviation, and my fight with Kent was futile.  They stonewalled the information I needed from public records for over three weeks and just before school started.  They did not want my son, but they wanted him at the school that they would benefit best.  They with my guidance and literal wiliness to drive 3 hours a day created an amazing student that they wanted to exploit.  But I digress.

I do believe sometimes things work out for the best and this may have been an intervention from our Lord that I, of course, was so focused on the fight with Kent I missed.  Seattle Christian had and opening in 7th Grade - miracle because lots in my neighborhood are on the wait list.  There was a voucher for 50% off tuition for a new student to middle school.  He sailed through the enrollment process and because of his involvement in church with his best friend he knew people, he knew the camp for orientation that was his summer camp for years, and he knew enough that he could answer Christian based questions with authority.  AND, since we started with, "No, Jesus is not from Bellingham.  It is Bethlehem." There are not many more signs than that.  I felt good about this.  My life is also a lot better - I have carpool options.  My drop off with the kids is no more that 45 mins if Mason's friend is at the bus stop to one hour if he is not and, actually, wants to talk to me or stay dry.  Jury is still out.

But, I am tired.  I am tired of insurance companies, I am tired of which doc the new doc has to have a referral from, I am tired of the bills, the changes both internal with procedure and billing, I am tired of being tired.  I am also SUPER tired of older people yelling at staff at the cancer center because there appointment is late or they are tired.  I am like, "You ever been sick?  No?  Well, this is how it is.  Cut them a break.  It has worked for me - I am a princess!"

Thursday and Friday of last week, Hank was concerned and so I was sending him my vitals every couple hours.  I cough up another tumor right as I left Bible Study.  Seriously God?????  Can you spare them that.  I will cough for three days and then cough cough and this 1 inch by 1/2 inch thing shoots from my mouth.  I just does get sexier for me.  I shoot or don't shoot crap out of my butt, my stomach is bruised from all the shots I have to take, and now I have tumors flying (which I catch) out of my mouth.  So, Hank is talking to the Pulmonary guy, they are reviewing my scans, no one has done this before other than one guy with one guy one time with a skinny 2 inch.  I am at seven.  He has nothing on me.  What is it?  Junk with tumor cells or Tumor with Junk?  That is the big questions.  They biopsied one, and it was mostly tumor, but others are white and different sizes.  My ribs hurt all the time.  And I challenge anyone to my core strength.  I can cough for 4 hours straight.  The referral was rejected because it had to come from my PCP, so they requested it and told me it would take 24 to 48 hours.  I responded with, "I am going to email them.  You will have it today.  I need the Tuesday appointment."  Their response, "That is highly unusual."  I was thinking, "You haven't met me have you......"  Within 90 mins the referral was done, appointment made.  Off to Cyber Knife. "How are you Angie?" they say.  "Good." I reply.  My kids all the time ask me if I am okay.  I didn't know how to say this for a long time, but now I simply say, "Not great, but I will be."  So, next week is all Cyberknife and then Keytruda on Friday.  I will be wasted on Friday, so if there is a driver out there that can be at my house at 9:30am and drop me back at my house at 1:30pm that would be great.  Otherwise, I will be fine.

I also posted about dinner delivery.  You know those companies that deliver dinners to your house?  I haven't done this in years and before y'all brought it OR I got money and bought dinners I could put in the freezer.  I have been experimenting FAILED miserably at it.  Every Plate I think is about the joy of preparation and cooking.  I really just need a dinner that I or my family can put together easily and bake.  I figured we could do that.  FAIL.  This lead to recommendations, which I appreciate and have started to use but also two of my most fierce friends recommended Meal Train.  I did not even fight it - they are worse than the Kent School District.  I mean that with love!  I am honored and humbled by people wanting to help.  I also got my instapot out.  I had done some prep before, but now my boys eat SO MUCH.  It does not last long.  If you are interested in Meal Train, here is the link.  I think i just need it until November 15th or so.  Cyber will be done, Laser with be done and Keytruda I have no idea, but lets hope.  https://www.mealtrain.com/trains/1g3gw5  For those of you that have already signed up or send me a gift card, I am thankful and humbled.

Okay, enough of that shit........here are a couple great stories of why I fight so hard to be here......

Mason - He is my mechanical child.  I love that.  We have more bikes that three times our family.  The work he is doing is amazing.  He fixes bikes in the neighborhood, builds bikes at the local store bike shop for parts, he is amazing.  Every once and a while he says to me, "Can I wash this in the sink?"  I am like, "No, get your bowl you stole from me, pour gasoline on it, and it will clean up in a jiffy."  He is like, "Really?"  I am like, "How do you not know that?!?!"  The difference is in my family we have to dispose of the used gas "responsibly".  ;)  So, here is that rub.  He comes to me last week and says, "I got a recipe for a Banana Milkshake.  Can I make it?"  (He also took cooking last year - there were a lot of girls in the class....)  "Sure.  Do you know how to use a blender?"  "Yes."  So, we have a magic bullet.  Not because I wanted one, but because it was free from my Mom.  Mason puts the Banana in the mug you invert to blend, but then pours the milk over the motor of the blender.....like with no container.  Like blender with no blender container on the motor.  Just on the motor.  I hear this, "Help."   Milk is going all over the counter. "WTH???"  He explains.  Okay.....pause......not best parenting moment......I reply with, "Are you not the sharpest tool in the shed?  This is the MOTOR?!?!?!?!?!  What makes you think you pour a liquid on a MOTOR?"  "I don't know!"  We go over it, but obviously, motor is not working.  We switch to a smoothie maker Nolan bought at a garage sale.  DAY 2  Mason is going to make a Banana Milkshake.  REALLY?  Donna and I have been canning pears.  I already told Donna about the previous day milkshake.  Miraculously, the Magic Bullet motor works after drying out.  I show Mason all the options.....cup, blender container, and the blades that screw into either to blend it.  I leave.  Mason then puts the banana in the cup and immediately pours the milk in the blender container with no bottom.  Remember the blades were in the middle depending on how we wanted to use it.  "Help."  SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?  This is the mechanical one!  WHF!!!!!!!  I am like, "Mason?!?!?!  WTH?!?!?!"  He was like, "Maybe blending is not my thing!"  I quickly respond to, "THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE BLENDER!!!!!!!!!!!"  I then say, in a not very nice voice, "PUT EVERYTHING IN THE CUP."  He did.  "SCREW THE BLADES ON AND STICK IT ON THE BASE.  BLEND."  My Aunt was speechless.  He blended it for like 5 mins, but at least it was contained and when he took it off and tried it he was like, "This is delicious!"  Clearly he is not afraid of me.  He hates this story....."Sorry, I said, this will be told FAR and WIDE."

Nolan - So, Nolan did not have a lot of time to adjust to going to Seattle Christian - thanks Kent.  Oh, sorry, I meant to think that....  We go to open house and while Nolan is in student orientation, Mason and I get his schedule.  As soon as Mason sees Nolan, he blurts out, "I am ahead of you in Math!"  This is where I am thinking, "WTH?"  Nolan goes into the tail spin for three days thinking he is falling behind and he won't graduate with honors and he won't get into the schools he wants and I am like, "WHAT?!?!?!"  So, when we are FINALLY alone, I say, "What is going on?"  Nolan, "I don't want to fall behind.  I have so many years of school to be a doctor I can't afford to do that.  Mason is ahead of me and he goes to public school.  I need to get back into public school.  Maybe I will apply for Aviation, but what if....what if.....what if...."  "Nolan, take a breath. I got you.  I would never send you somewhere you could not reach your dream and forget your brother, this is your life. Let's work through this."  So, after talking about all the options, all the things that could be, all the things Seattle Christian offers, Kent offers, and Aviation offers, we came up with a plan."  Honestly, my plan was to kill Mason.  But the "official" plan was that Nolan would go to his Math teacher and see if he could test and advance.  He did.  His Math Teacher told him to talk to his Adviser which he did.  His Adviser told him to make an appointment with his Counselor.  Through this process, we talked about it everyday.  I asked if he wanted me involved.  He said, "No, Mason did all his own stuff in the 7th grade.  I will too."  Crap, I guess I shouldn't kill Mason.  This went on for a week.  And the counselor said because they are so small they can't really accommodate that, BUT they are working on a AP level for Seniors so that they can graduate with honors because many schools and students want that.  But, here is the best part, Mom was picking him up from school because the screwed up my appointment at Cyber and it was too late to pick up.  He called me in the car.  Me in Seattle driving home and him with Mom driving home.  He told me all about the meeting, that he could graduate with honors, how he was still going to apply for Aviation, but either way he could make his goal.  I congratulated him and told him I was proud of him.  And then he said, "I think I have social anxiety because I don't like school offices."  I said, "Well, you haven't been in school offices because you are a good student, so I would let that one ride.  You will be okay with more exposure - trust me on that."  "Okay, Mom."

And there is my moment.....the one that makes me fight on......the one that says, they will be fine....the one that I put all my hope, trust, and faith in.

Happy Saturday,

Ang