Nolan's first day of Kindergarten

My last chemo was on the 20th of August.  I couldn't see my acupuncturist that previous Sunday, so I was a bit nervous, because I had been doing so well.  When my blood work came back for Hank, he said that my platelets were at 61.  That means 61000.  100000 is what oncologists like to see.  The last time we skipped chemo I was at 71000.  He did not want to give me chemo, but I said, "It is either today or I see you in two weeks.  Nolan starts Kindergarten on the 30th of August, and I am not missing it."  Without losing step he said, "Yes, you need to be there for that.  I can adjust things to make it safe, but mumble mumble mumble....."  "Mumble" I took to mean - CRAP, this is going to kick the shit out of her, but I don't have a choice because she is not coming next week, I am on vacation anyway and I secretly don't trust her with anyone else (I am usually not allowed to do chemo if Hank is not in the building because of my little episode a while back), so CRAP...well, here goes.  And, KICK THE SHIT OUT OF ME IT DID.  I was down until last Sunday afternoon.  But I did it and I was there for Nolan's first day.  Nolan did great and I did great too, but I was, well, weird all day long.  Mom came to see Nolan off to and to see where the classrooms were for when she cares for them.  We went to coffee afterward.  I shared with her how weird and surreal that day was and she said, (She is going to KILL me, but she said...), "When you were diagnosed, I put a list in my head of all the things you needed to do/see.  And you did it.  I know you wanted to do get here (Nolan in school) so that things would be easier for Grant in case, and you did it."  She held my hand and we shared some tears.  Yeah, she was right.  I wanted to get them into school so badly.  The hard wiring is done.  Did I do a good job?  Was I too straight with them?  Was I not straight enough?  From here on out, their teachers will be SUCH a HUGE influence on their lives.  Will they remember me?  Wait.....I am not dying......I am still here and now I have 6 hours a day BY MYSELF NOT NECESSARILY BEING SICK.  Frickin' eh - where is the Mamosa!?!  Let's go to a rated R movie!  I want to wax my legs!  I don't wax my legs.  I want to wax them anyway!  And off I went to meet Susie P., my cancer buddy for lunch.  She makes me laugh so hard - she is a nut bar and I LOVE IT.  So, we are having lunch and catching up, and she is telling me want to do...."Okay, let's order first, then talk....okay, I have to tell you about my horseback riding trip.....okay, now, my hip.....okay, now my ski accident.....okay, now, I am so sorry I was initially denying you sushi!....okay, now, you may speak.  I am not kidding - she is like have a tiger by the tail.  Luckily, I am pretty good at that!  Anyhoo, so I tell Susie about the day and how I am feeling and she listens really intently...and then quickly says, "I always knew you would get here!" and smiles with the Cheshire grin.  Gotta love Susie.  We catch up, I remind her to call for an appointment with Hank (because she is always three months behind), we hugged goodbye and I say, "I love you!" and she says louder, "I love you MORE!"  No winning with that woman.  ;)  I go straight to the school, turn in my after school care paperwork and see Mason off.  I pick up Nolan (I could not put him in after school care the first day) and he says, "MOMMY, look in my lunch box!"  YEP, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING ME FOR A COUPLE YEARS, IT FELT LIKE SOMEONE PUNCHED ME IN THE STOMACH.  Historical note:  Mason's lunch was rejected two years ago on his first day on Kindergarten and he was forced to order a "Uncrustable" which I don't let my children near.  I know no one has ever heard of that - I think I was the first in the nation!  For more on that, you can read the post from September of 2010.  Anyhoo, I say, it in a semi hysterical voice, "Why?!!?!?!?"  "JUST LOOK!" he replies.  Nolan wanted the EXACT same lunch as Mason.  Nolan hates ham and cheese, but ham and cheese he insisted on.  I slowly open his pack, people are buzzing around me, I open the lunch box and he said, "SURPRISE!  I ATE IT ALL!  LET'S GO TO COLD STONE!"  My head was spinning, but I got it together.  I praised him and we went to Cold Stone.  The evening ended with me having a conversation with my neighbor and I was tell her about my day.  She hugged and high fived me and said, "There lots more to do - I am looking at the long run!" "Me too." I said.  I slept so hard that night.  Everything was right in the world for me.  My boys in school.  I got them there and whoever they are, whoever they might be, there will be part of me there - GOD HELP THEM!  :)  Happy Labor Day Weekend, Ang