Last Tuesday at "Chemo"

Last Tuesday, I showed up for chemo and Hank said, "I want to wait a week.  Your platelets are coming back, but I think we need a break."  I look at him nonchalantly and say, "I can't say I am broken up about this.  It is going to be a beautiful week and I really don't want to do this this week anyway.  BYE!"  "You ARE going up for Avastin though..."  WHATEVER!  Avastin is a tumor reducer, no chemo, no pump, no loss of three days - YIPPEE!  "That is fine, but I need to take you to the lobby.....follow me....."  And he does.....silly, silly man.  So, we have a new Cancer Floor, generously donated by the person that insisted on calling it the "True Family WOMEN's Cancer Center".  Really??!?!?!?!  Okay, fine, so I got over that, but I don't have a female cancer, which I have been repeatedly told about every time I think about going to a female cancer support group.  (Basically, I am told that I won't get that much out of it......as I don't have a female cancer.)  Hank must have gotten a pass for me to go to "their" floor.  I have no idea how he is getting the men in!  ANYHOO!  When the elevator door open on the floor it is all GLARINGLY white.  There is a HUGE white light inset over the elevators.  It reminds me of a portal to the next life, if you know what I mean.  I then check in with two women standing behind pods, not a desk, a pod.  I ask if I am suppose to check in or am I getting a table at the chemo restaurant?  They laugh and tell me there are getting a new desk because the patients hate it.  We are so spoiled - seriously.  So, Elane and sit down to wait for my appointment on the very skinny, slippery, very high end, leather sofa/chairs.  We are then facing back toward the elevators and we see the above photo.  SERIOUSLY, WE ARE CANCER PATIENTS, SO WE NEED THE EXIT SIGN TO THE PORTAL TO HEAVEN!??!?!?!?  So, I show and describe this to Hank and he said, "Everyone thinks that is a portal."  "But, do we really need the Exit Sign there too?!?!?!  Do we need any help with this -  we have cancer, do you need to have the path all laid out also."  "You are a nut.....go downstairs (to treatment)."  Yes, yes, I am a nut, but COME ON, I am also right!  I go for Avastin, I am out in 45 mins and home in 30 more.  I was talking to Elaine on the way home and she said, "I don't know if I like this - you are so with it - I can't be right on everything!!!!"  No chemo, no dummy drugs.  It is a double edge sword for some.  So, la la la, I go on with my life last week - and somehow I got cast in a YouTube video by Heather and adopted two kitties.  Life it is busy especially when you are not in chemo......but let me tell you about the kitties.  First, during the last five years of cancer, I have had to put both of my cats down - Kokanne was 12 and had kidney failure, Africa was 16 and was just old.  Africa was my soul mate kitty if there ever was one.  She was my baby before the boys were born, she would knock me in the forehead after Mason was born if he was crying and I was asleep, she knocked me in the forehead when everyone thought I was having a stroke and I decided calling the EMT was overrated - she walked on me, knocked me in the head and basically would not leave me alone until I called them.  She layed again my back scars after lung surgery, she followed me upstairs and downstairs during chemo and when she was in her final days, she stopped hissing at Cutie Pie (the nonadopted, yet never leaving our yard, outdoor cat) as if to say, "Take care of her, will ya?"  Since losing her in February, I have researched cat adoption, looked at cats online, visited shelters, and learned a lot about pet adoption, but I could not just do it.  I felt that I would never be able to let go of my loss for my Africa.  SIDE NOTE:  Adopting a cat these days is a pain in the frickin' butt.  16 years ago you just asked who was having kittens.  Now?  You have to go to a shelter, where you fill out an application, if you have ever or would ever contemplate declawing them you cast in a dark shadow of judgement, you sign a contract that would will never starve them them or beat them or whatever else.  HOLY COW!  When I left the hospital with Mason, my SON, I apparently could starve him, beat him, etc. because I have not contract saying I couldn't!  In addition, Mason and Nolan are circumcised.  No one EVER said, "That is it!  You can't have them!  You have forever scared them - FOR LIFE!"  Let's remember - this is a CAT.  But, whatever, the boys have been on me about getting two kitties and I have been saying things like, "Not during the summer, kitties need a lot of sleep which they can do while you are in school."  or, "It is not kitten season.", or "I don't want a black kitten", (Africa was all black), or "They need to be kittens and sisters."  So, we look on the internet, search, etc., but I was not going to shelters with them.  Then, finally, this week Mason is like, "You said we would get kittens!"  Which I probably did in a weak moment, so.......I come up with a plan........a devious plan that will foil their plans and give me more time to do whatever it is that is holding me up.  I go to the shelter by my house on Wednesday.  PetsMart is there taking a lot of the cats to the Federal Way store - BRILLIANT!  With this, there are no sisters, no kittens, no chance in adopting a cat today.  It is 2:15.  I pick up the boys from school and tell them we are going to the shelter to look for a kitten.  It is 2:45.  I even go so far in the plan that I have the cat carrier in the car and I brought the application that I filled out months ago, but never turned in for fear of the judgement.  We go, we look, there are a lot of empty cages, (evil smile - my plan is working), "Oh, well, we can try again next week.", "But Mom there is one more room...."  "Those are all empty in there (knowing PetsMart took all those)."  From behind us I hear, "Oh, well, there are two new ones in there." said the volunteer.  My stomach sinks - RUN!  GET OUT!  RUN!  We enter and my painfully literate son reads, "We are just out of surgery.  We will be ready for adoption tomorrow."  "Are they girls?" Mason exclaims.  The volunteer said, "Let me check.  I will have to go to the front desk."  Darn literate and confident children.  "Yes, they are!  Are you interested?"  Both of my boys look at me and say nothing.  Pause.  This is a defining moment and let's face it my foiling has been foiled.  Pause.  Inhale.  Exhale.  And I finally let go of the Africa rope and say, "I have an application in the car.  Let me go get it."  It is approved.  WHAT?!?!  I declawed my last cats!  "You have been the registered owner of two cats for twelve and sixteen years that we have never had to so much as lift a finger for.  We bet, you are a good bet.  You will do what is best for them.  Okay, be here tomorrow AT OPENING, these two will go fast.  "Okay, I will."  We drive home and the boys are asking all sorts of questions, "Can you be there at opening?  Will we get them"  Can't you put them on hold?"  I respond with, "Yes.  I don't know, but will do everything I can.  No, Nolan, this isn't Nordstrom.  Cats don't got on hold."  I rearrange my schedule, I am there at 11:55, second in line.  The first - a man in a wheel chair that is "pacing" the front gate.  Okay, dude, you are first.  It opens, I go straight to the cat center.  Luckily the guy in a wheel chair was going for a dog.  Glad that didn't get ugly.  I tell them which cats I want, straight to the desk, and the officer I get a old neighbor of my family.  "Are you related to Keith Clarno?  Yes?  You were SUCH a teenager and having a crisis when I met you.  You had to be excused."  Thanks?!?!?!  What the hell do you say to that?  I was 17!  Then her cell phone rings and she says - no lie, "I am having a crisis and have to take this sorry."  Ironic.  One hour later, she finished the paperwork, I get the kitties, and drive home.  Foiled, but happy.  They are so precious and fitting in quite nicely.  One has her name, "Molly Moon" and the other doesn't yet, but we are close.  I will let you know when we do.  Happy Sunday - Ang