For every action there is an equal

reaction.  Is that how that goes?  Well, my mini vacation from chemo is over.  This round went very well.  I even kept up my walking Mason home from school a couple times.  A few things happened this round that were note worthy.  On the Friday after my chemo, I had a few easy errands - the bank for a deposit, drop off a library book, etc.  As I was doing this, I had a craving for a crab cocktail.  I know - WEIRD.  But it is salty pure meat, so my doc would be fine.  I went by B&E Meats in Des Moines.  I love that place.  I asked if they had crab cocktails to go and they said, no, but they had the meat, the cocktail sauce, and even lemons.  The meat was sealed in 1/2 pound bags.  I told him I needed like a 1/4 pound and he said, "I can open it up for you and just give you that."  Great.  Beautiful crab leg meat - yum.  So, I grab the cocktail sauce, a lemon, and he asked what I was up to today......this is what I said....no, I lied, "I am getting a crab cocktail for a friend of mine.  She has cancer and was craving it today."  Without missing a beat, he replied, "In that case, can I get her anything else to try?"  FRICK.  REALLY.  I am SUCH an ass.  "Oh, no, really.  I think she will be fine."  "No, no, let me put in a little candied smoked salmon (which I love), sweet beef jerky (which I love), and a few strips of bacon.  That way she can try them and see if anything sits well."  I reply with, "Well, let me pay for it."  "No. no."  "But..."  "Listen, I want to do this - please let me."  "Okay, gosh thank you.", said the giant ass (that would be me if you haven't gotten there yet).  I am a horrible person.  I went home and ate it all.  I guess it worked and I love B&E more.

The other thing that happened was one that I haven't talked about much......Africa, my cat.  After 16 years of loving me and taking care of all of us, I had to put her down this last Friday.  For the last three months, I have worked with her and the vet with steroids, glucosamine, observation, etc, after her stroke in December.  I was in the room when they did it and with only 1/10 of the medicine, she was gone.  It was time for her, but so very painful for me.  This will be my first round of chemo without her.  For me, I am sad.  For her, she is free.  However, there was a reaction.  Lisa Hanley, of Hanley Beadworks, made me the most adorable, sweet, cute, beautiful, cat charm.  It is perfect and will be with me this entire round.  Black with green eyes....just like my kitty.

A friend asked me this time, "I have to ask you.  This may be insensitive, but do you ever think about dying?"  Answer, "Everyday.  And I structure my life around it.  Every time I go back to treatment, I show Grant where everything is (I should write it down, but he would not be able to find that...), and I talk to him about stuff like, what I want for my service and how he is to get out of the way of the team that is to do it - yes, I have a team - yes, I am that organized.  Sometimes, I ask him thing like, "Do you think you will get married again and have more kids?"  And he responses in a very disturbed manner when it comes to kids, "No, I am not having more kids.  I am way too old for that."  "And marriage?  I would like to see you happy."  He responds to me with some thing like, "Ang, a guy like me can only fool the girl he wants once."  And from across the room he starts working with the kids on legos and I know that after 19 years of being with him and only him, that is the greatest compliment.

Other things that happened were normal life things - insurance debacles, refinancing irritation making me want to make a banner that I can string over my house "FINALLY FREE OF CITIBANK!!!!", parking tickets (Grant - really just park in a garage!), and kitty shelters that will not talk to me because I have a five year old - NICE.

Off to the shower - gotta go to chemo....Ang