Friday, February 24, 2012
Today...
Today is the first day since my blissful trip to Kauai with the fam that I feel like I should be back to work...clean, cook, work for Heather, etc. I don't think I got off Hawaii time until yesterday. Hank, my oncologist, let me go to Kauai, but said, "As soon as you get home, you need a PET Scan." So, dutifully, I did on Wednesday. So, back to Kauai for a second. This was the best trip in terms of my health and my boys. I was energized by them. We spent all sorts of time together. They are so smart and funny and happy. At one point going to the car after swimming at Karissa's pool, I stopped them and said, "Hang on....look at me.....I need you to know that this moment, right now, is one of the best of my life." Nolan looked at me in Nolan's way and said, "Why?" (translation - what the heck are you talking about.....we are walking AWAY from the pool, through a field to the car to go to dinner - I hate dinner!) The sun was just about the set, the breeze was brushing the back of my neck. It was the perfect temperature and the last night in Kauai. I replied, "Because I am in my most favorite place on earth with my two of my most favorite people." Mason smiled Mason's sweet smile and Nolan looked at me like, "Whatever. Can we get out of the field?" So, fast forward to today. I am going to clean the house, getting ready to work with Heather, go to school because Mason is getting another award at an all school assembly today and our financial advisor is coming over tonight - MUST CLEAN HOUSE. Then, the phone rings. Hank. "I am so sorry that I have to tell you this on the phone....." My cancer is growing and now there are more new spots in my lungs. Cyberknife is off the table. Chemo. "When do I start?" my voice shaking. "Let's meet next week and schedule it out." I have until Tuesday at 3:00pm to learn what my next months/year will be like. So, today......I will cry. I will feel sorry for myself. I will rage at God. HOWEVER, I will also clean my house, get ready for Heather, go to school to see Mason, meet with the financial planner. Cancer don't get everything. Ang
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
Damn.
I appreciate that you spent so much time in this post talking about Kuaui. It is a good reminder to continue to live in the moment and appreciate each day that we have.
Love you
Karen
Ang,
It's a punch in the gut for you and all those who worship and adore you. ;) I'm so glad that you went to Kauai for the biennial Presidents' Day bliss-out. And IT'S JUST NOT FAIR, DAMMIT!, that the cancer is back. (See, others are freaking out with you.) I know you will gather your resolve and fight it with everything you have, again. Love you so much.
xoxoxoxo
Laurie
Your trip sounded blissful and full of incredible moments. Kids do say the darndest thing. Dammit to hell on this cancer returning. You have every right to cry, yell at God. It's all so unfair. Ang - you are one of the strongest women I've ever met and your will and strength continue to be tested and challenged. But you are never alone, never far from anyone's thoughts and prayers. We are all here to help you go through this in whatever capacity that means. I love you so much. Hugs
Vicki
Your last line in your post reminds me of the title of a book that I have read "You can't let Cancer get you down" The title of the book was a comment made by a young boy, James, who battled Cancer for 6 years. His Dad published his own blog and journal entries that documented the families journey with James as they all, together as a family, lived the experience of Cancer. They treasured every day, made the most of every moment, and did all the things that they could to keep life fulfilled and meaningful to them. Your spirit is remarkable and inspiring, I wish the best for you as you embark on this next phase of your own journey, and that you draw strength from all those around you who clearly love and adore you.
This means that you and your army (all of us) will beat the cancer down again. You are strong and we are there to lift and carry you when you need it, but cancer will get its ass kicked... Again!!!! This will be the time that cancer will realize it is no match for you and your army. I love you my friend!
Hi my incredible friend! I can't begin to tell you how much being with all of you for Mason's birthday dinner, complete with blue icing on tongues, faces and wherever, meant to me. It was a very special evening, one which adults and kids alike thoroughly enjoyed. Take this wonderful trip with all of its memories and remember it, as you walk through this next phase of your life with the challenges it carries. Know that you have a huge support group that surrounds you with loads of love and prayers that you will come out of it stronger and healthier than before you started. Keep that beautiful smile and charismatic personality and show it off for all the world to see. Love and hugs to all of you, Judi
Post a Comment