Life now....

So, I have been merrily going along but I still notice that things are REALLY different now. Physically, I am doing well. My body is 20 lbs heavier than I would like it but I have been told that I should be kind to it and not too frustrated for a while.....exercise, eat well, and be very thankful that it fought the fight it did. Emotionally, I am well. I still get the tears of joy and gratefulness. The last one was when we were saying goodbye to Rob and Jen at Big White in British Colombia. I just choked up and could not speak for a second. I never thought I would be back in Eastern BC - and even more - SKIING! But there are a couple things that are REALLY different. First, remember my spot? The place that my friend set up that I was to be able to feel anything, be anything, and have to help me process my mourning, sadness, etc? Well, I still have it. I now share that room (the study) with Grant and one day he put something on my chair (in my spot) and I said, "Yeah, here is the thing, I will share my office, but not my spot. Get it off." He looked at me a little like, "Wow, she was nicer in cancer treatment.....", but he moved it. My spot is still used, in fact, the other day, I was looking at my spot...and smiling. My spot consists of a big chair with a table next to it and a small basket. On the table, there is a picture of Bob and I, a candle from the one that helped me create the "spot", a Tinkerbell from Jane, a angel from my childhood best friend, worry beads from someone I never met, and a coaster for a beverage. The basket is for miscellaneous cancer stuff. Now, instead of a hot drink on the coaster because of my temperature sensitivity, I had a beer. Wow, how times have changed. Another thing, I rarely use the computer downstairs anymore. It doesn't go to treatment with me, it doesn't sit next to the bathtub for email, movies, or hulu, it just is for the kids - Nick Jr. to be exact. Last week, Mason was complaining about it and said it was slow, so I worked on it a bit, cleaned it up and now it is "acceptable" (Mason's word) again. (I was like, "Dude, we didn't even have movies at home when I was a kid!!!" Crap - I am so sounding like my parents with the, "we walked to school in the snow uphill BOTH ways......we only had one radio.......I used to freeze at night.....imagine life without plastic....) But, I digress......I also cleaned the screen, the mouse pad, and the keyboard. Dear Lord, how can a kids get something so gross????? But here is the BIG difference......during cancer treatment, that computer was cleaner than any computer I have every had. Not because of germs, because it was the window to my world. Now, it isn't. Now, I am IN THE WORLD. :) Ang