Daddy's Driving Skills

For the last few weeks I have felt more taxed and more taxed from all of this. January was a train wreck. Between chemo, the flu, sinus infections, my "migraine", etc. etc. etc., I was a mess. I thought I would be done with chemo, but I knew in my heart I wasn't, which I had to face with the reality of my CT scan. It felt like little by little I was losing energy to all of this. I began to care less and less about everything. I felt like I was losing me. I don't know if I can explain it, but it felt like I was losing my energy, my passion for life, and it was being replaced by exhaustion and anxiety from my migraine of last week. Can I take care of my kids? What am I going to do? With the loss of another cancer buddy, I wonder why I am still here. I feel guilty. I feel thankful. I feel guilty about feeling thankful. And then, my friend that has been rubbing my feet with essential oils since I was diagnosed called me. We haven't been able to get together because of illness, me staying at my folks, and her audacity to go to Mexico for a week! She asked me if I could go over right then for a foot massage. I was out the door before I hung up. She rubbed my feet for an hour. We talked and laughed and talked some more. I felt so much better after it. I had energy. I came home and made/assembled a really good dinner, emptied the dishwasher, finished the laundry, had a very weak lemon drop, and finished watching private practice. THEN, after dinner, I went to Cost Plus and Pier One. I KNOW!!!! As I was driving there, I had the radio on the sunroof open and the heat blasting. The smell of the evening air was perfect. I had been indoors for too long. I was minding my own business until....... Now, I should remind you that I live in South King County. And, at 7:30, the youngins' are just startin' to go out for the night. And, the youngins' in South King have a tendency to street race no matter what car they have. So, a Ford F150 is coming up behind me and is looking for a race. I am in Grant's car so I look like I am 17 and have more horsepower than I really do. We really should have bought a Honda Accord. So, I get the invitation. Okay, I have NO MAKEUP on, I am dressed in sweats, I look like the typical tired Mom of two going to the grocery store for milk. I think.....you know I should just let this go.........screw it....I accept, shift down, and go. Now, see, I have never driven really powerful cars, but I won EVERY race I ever started not because of horsepower but because I didn't follow the rules. I have passed on the shoulder of highways, ran stop signs, pulled u turns, seen sparks fly from the bottom of my car from bottoming out, etc. etc. etc. Sarah can vouch for me - she was usually in the car. Most of my guy friends learned to not even tease me because they would lose. Also, there is no one that can quite slip a clutch like I can. Yes, he had more horsepower, but I had a manual transmission (which I was banking that he didn't have) and I CREAMED him. When it got the point of being out of control, I let him blow by me. The point is...I won off the line, through the turn, up the hill, and only let him pass me on the straight away. Doubling the speed limit is a felony you know. My Dad taught me to drive. He did donuts with me in the snow and squealed his tires in front of boys I liked in high school with his country music blaring. But more importantly, he taught me that it is more about knowing when to break the rules rather than following them all the time. I got a piece of me back in that race. Mature? No. Fun? HELL YEAH!!!! Love, Ang