This is a post to people you meet along the way....one of them Lara Hosford Castillo. I got a text a couple days ago that said, "Hey, I am having some friends over on Saturday 2:30. Would love to have your family stop by." I am like, "Sure! What can I bring??!" "Your beautiful face." Okay, right?!?!?! I can do that since my face pretty much goes where I go.....OKAY! I did not know it was her birthday BECAUSE I AM A HORRIBLE PERSON. I did not know I should bring anything, but I did bring wine BECAUSE I AM A HORRIBLE PERSON. And I show up with my crew with no present, so nothing, but a bottle of wine and say, "It is your birthday?!?!!" because.....remember.....I AM A HORRIBLE PERSON. But here is what I love......Lara and I met at a breakfast YEARS ago. We went because it was the first day of school. Then some moms went to a movie, but Lara was seated across for me at breakfast. My cancer came up and Lara, confused at all get out was like, "So, you okay?!?!....So, I do not get this, you okay?!?!?!"....."So, this sounds bad....you okay?!?!" I finally looked at her and said, "Laura (I didn't know it was Lara), I am as okay as I will ever be.....I am terminal, so I will die of this but today is good, so I go with it." And with that she was fine. Still a little confused, but fine. Three months later we were walking into a PTA meeting and I said, "Look, you are my kind of girl, and if you will be my Treasurer, I will got for President. But if you say no, I am out." She looked at me the same confused that she was when she heard by diagnosis and said, "O-K-A-Y". And so it was. A friendship formed not by mutual interest, but by necessity. I had NO IDEA how much I would grow to love her. As time went on, we went through some real crap. She backed me and I backed her. Never a question, never a doubt. We were each others rock. Lara was a person I never doubted and when people said to me, "She is a real stickler." I was like, "That is why I chose her."". We never, and I mean never, doubted each other. You don't come across that often. And I certainly do not take it for granted. She adores me and I adore her even when I say, "NOBODY IS GOING TO NEELY!!!!" She and Sonia will get that. Even when I am I dead fast with my choice and not hers.....she backed me and I backed her. I could not have asked for a better copadre. One day our first year, when we were setting the boat straight, she came to my house and gave me a gift certificate to Red Robin. She hugged me a cried and said, "You do too much. I want you to take care of yourself. Please just go to dinner and then on vacation and REST." I do not take direction from many, but we went to Red Robin that night and it was an amazing start to our vacation. Poor girl, I loved her so much, I invited myself to her WEDDING....no lie....her WEDDING. I was like, "I just want to come, and go, but I fly out that day and I promise not to be a bother....." What it turned into was I was the Patron getting person (slave) in the inner sactom and I had a blast with Maurine buying a cute black dress and handing all my clothes to Maurine in a pile. Yes, there was a ,lot of drinking. We did not leave the hotel and Maurine got tan and I, just well, burned. The fact that we did not leave the hotel was weird, but okay under the circumstance, but we did change rooms after being next to the recycle center that runs 24/7. Long story.....OMG and that was an upgrade.....
So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY my friend. When I left, she said, "You can't get rid of me." and I thought, "THANK GOD."
Happy Sunday, Ang
Sunday, July 3, 2016
Friday, July 1, 2016
PTSD....
While I do not compare myself to those that have had horrible war experiences, I do experience moments of PTSD. I do not look for it, it just happens. Sometimes, I know it will and I choke it down. I do so for the better of others and to help them, but sometimes it sneaks up on me in every day life.
On Monday of this week, I was planning on meeting my aunt at her cabin. It is in Plain, Wa. She has had it since 1992. Longer than I have been married, and the place that Grant can sleep for hours on end. I packed up the boys and I and we headed out. This had been planned for a long time. My Aunt has to schedule her vacation like a bazillion weeks in advance. What I did not realize is that the last time I was there, ONLY WITH MY AUNT AND THE BOYS, was the weekend I came home and Grant told me I had cancer. We have been there since, but with different combinations. Me with Karissa, me with Jane, etc. No one let me travel by myself. When I realized it, it was spooky. Yep. Spooky. I was down at the beach at the river with both of my boys. Last time, Donna had Nolan and he was screaming. Now, he is swimming in the river, picking up rocks and throwing them into a pile. The temperature is the same, but it is nine years later. My baby is grown up. He is with me from the time that I was so exhausted that I could only take Mason to the river. The flashbacks come. Grant telling me. Me walking away from him. Disbelief. Belief. Pain. Suffering. So much suffering. So much pain. Chemo. Radiation. Surgery. More surgery. More Chemo. Ablation. More surgery. And more surgery. And then, the sound of the river. The comfort of the new beds in the loft. Cooking. Adventures with the boys and my aunt around Leavenworth. Movies.....OMG...so many movies....and then the ride home before the 4th of July rush.
And now it is 3:50 in the morning and I am going to bed. Laundry is almost done. Dishes clean. No chemo, surgery, radiation in my near future........what nine years can do......I love the sound of the river.
Happy Friday,
Ang
On Monday of this week, I was planning on meeting my aunt at her cabin. It is in Plain, Wa. She has had it since 1992. Longer than I have been married, and the place that Grant can sleep for hours on end. I packed up the boys and I and we headed out. This had been planned for a long time. My Aunt has to schedule her vacation like a bazillion weeks in advance. What I did not realize is that the last time I was there, ONLY WITH MY AUNT AND THE BOYS, was the weekend I came home and Grant told me I had cancer. We have been there since, but with different combinations. Me with Karissa, me with Jane, etc. No one let me travel by myself. When I realized it, it was spooky. Yep. Spooky. I was down at the beach at the river with both of my boys. Last time, Donna had Nolan and he was screaming. Now, he is swimming in the river, picking up rocks and throwing them into a pile. The temperature is the same, but it is nine years later. My baby is grown up. He is with me from the time that I was so exhausted that I could only take Mason to the river. The flashbacks come. Grant telling me. Me walking away from him. Disbelief. Belief. Pain. Suffering. So much suffering. So much pain. Chemo. Radiation. Surgery. More surgery. More Chemo. Ablation. More surgery. And more surgery. And then, the sound of the river. The comfort of the new beds in the loft. Cooking. Adventures with the boys and my aunt around Leavenworth. Movies.....OMG...so many movies....and then the ride home before the 4th of July rush.
And now it is 3:50 in the morning and I am going to bed. Laundry is almost done. Dishes clean. No chemo, surgery, radiation in my near future........what nine years can do......I love the sound of the river.
Happy Friday,
Ang
Friday, June 24, 2016
What a week....
Sorry....this is a long one....get a drink.....coffee is fine.....gin is better....
School ended on Friday the 17th at 11:53. By the time I got there, I was so ready for it to be over. It is for so many reasons.....by that time, I knew we were losing out new principal, but petty sure we were well on our way to losing our Vice Principal, Office Manager, and at the very least four teachers. I have been in HR enough to know that we are not ripe for the picking. And, one of our old Vice Principals is in charge of a school in Federal Way. Great. Would I do the same thing? You bet. And it is happening. Who wants the heartache? Who wants the challenge? Who wants to deal with yet ANOTHER NEW PRINCIPAL?!?!?! They are all jumping ship. I just needed a break. We took off from school with lunches for the boys in the car and drove straight (with one stop) to Pasco where we went there our "new travel trailer" orientation. It took one hour and we conveniently had one hour in the store. We had a $225 credit because Grant rejected the bike rack we got with the trailer, so we went crazy! As we were leaving, the woman at the front said, "You have such great energy. So positive. So bright." I get this a lot. Grant and I have been getting it for years. Us, together, traveling have always brought people to us. "Are you lost?" "Do you need a room?" (They are like calling us down the street.......and we do.) "Can I assist you?" This is minus the time Grant had a fit in the middle of the streets of Montreal about Mason getting a Canadians' Hockey Jersey. Everyone politely ignored his "Ontarioness" that day. I thanked her and told her, "Is there another way to be?" She replied with, "Uh, yeah, but I don't think you got it." We left with all the essentials and off to the campground a frightening 10 miles away. I drove. We got there while several of the employees waved at us on the drive. I told Grant I wanted a "drive thru" spot, no backing up for this girl tonight. We parked and practiced all our stuff. I microwaved the hot dogs from the BBQ last night and forgot ALL THE CONDIMENTS. So, there was onion dogs and chips for dinner. YUMMY. Fail. Breakfast was simple, but there was no yogurt for Grant - fail. Lunch was at Fred Meyer in Yakima where Grant was like, "We can park there!" and I am like, "I am parking here." First night a RV park, second night National Forest. So, we pull off the road and Grant is like, "Okay, it is up here, I think, but what if I am wrong....." The road gets narrower and narrower and rougher and rougher (which is NOTHING compared to what my Daddy took us on....) and he starts to get really nervous. I look at him and say, "Dude, this is like NOTHING to me. I got this. My Dad took me on bad roads with a 2000 foot drop on the side." Then I was all, "Yay, look, this is nice (forgetting I had a trailer.......)" and all the boys are like, "TREE!!!!!" Oh, yeah, that is close, but I didn't hit it! By the end of the weekend and backing out of the campsite, out of my neighborhood, and into my parents, Grant and I have it down. See, we met before we both had cell phone, messages on board were normal, and you had sign language. We get each other and I love that. He will drive soon, he just needs to watch a little more, but he is getting really good at the backing me up stuff. The only think our trailer needs is extended mirror and a sign on the back that says, "I CANNOT SEE YOU......LIKE AT ALL......FOLLOW AT YOUR OUR RISK!" I understand that some of my sweet friends and neighbors were taping my backing up the neighborhood, so that should be posted soon. It will be pretty funny!
Monday - My boys and four other boys all that went to preschool together went to Kentridge Basketball Camp together this week and we all took turns taking care of them (except one couple that feels so guilty I am rubbing it in....simply because I do not care!) They go until 12 and then they have adventure with all of us for the afternoon while other families are working. Monday and Tuesday I am off, wow, I was running around getting stuff for the trailer, running errands, going to the library (yes, I still read real books), Fred Meyer, Target, Walmart (who has an amazing amount of travel trailer stuff ONLINE - how is that helpful?!?!), learning Camping World and the "Academy of Take My Money" of the Travel Trailer front. Then, Tuesday pm I got sick. You know, something hit my sensitive colon that said, "BAD."
Wednesday - I was picking up all the boys. I had to work for my parents on Wednesday too. They are trying to sell their Travel Trailer. You ask, "Why did you not take theirs?" I reply with I did not feel comfortable towing the Taj Mahal behind our truck. Take their truck. Really.....have you driven that thing. I have - I am the only other one he lets drive it. It is a monster. Plus, I really wanted a shorter, more off road worthy trailer with bunks for the boys. My parents was a retired trailer with a lot of tvs and seats. No bunks. So anyway, my understanding was that they were going to have it totally cleaned out, washed, and ready to go at the bottom of the drive. NOPE. Mom got vertigo being in the trailer. They had have of it cleaned out and then, guess what, I got to do the other half of the Taj Mahal by myself. with the queen bed falling on my head the entire time. Nice feature in the new trailers - they don't fall on your head. So, I do it, then I clean it. Done. The place that they bought it from is picking it up between 10-12. It is 10:30 and we are all sweating. Mom is mad, Dad is frustrated, I am like, "What the heck?!?!" They call...we will be there closer to noon. Yay. I have to leave to get the boys and I say, "David is coming. It will be fine. Just trust the process." I go. I get the kids.....no one wants to go to the zoo, we go home and they play basketball, go to the river, play inside, fight, play, and finish. And I start my regime for surgery on my esophagus the next day. This was not part of the plan, but scheduling is so awful that I could not postpone the appointment. Grant offered to work from home and help and drive and it was great. The next two days are a hoot....
SIDE NOTE: On Wednesday morning, one of the parents drops her boys off and then sends me this text, and I quote...
"Hi. Yellow bag has their lunches, a jacket for XXXX, and $20 in the side pocket if needed. Please put sunblock on their faces, necks, arms for the zoo. Sunblock is in the bag. Also in there is XXXX's baseball uniform. Can you remind him to get dressed in it (except shoes) before I get there? We need to run straight to practice. God I am high maintenance!"
I read this to all the boys and responded with....
"Gotcha. I give away the sunblock because it is for wimps, $20 is for beer, and XXXXis to be naked with his shoes on at 4:45."
Her response, "Perfect." She knows me too well......I took the $20 and put a Rainier Beer in its place. The boys were rolling. Then, at pick up, they told her what was going on.....OMG, clearly, they do not get a running joke.....
Okay, Thursday, I have four of the six and it is 8:12. I have to leave at 8:20 to get the other two and get them to camp. My Dad calls. I enthusiastically ask, "How was yesterday?!?!" My Dad, in a downward voice says, "It was fine, but I do not trust this Paul." Okay, FYI, I have had nothing but lovely conversation with Paul and David, and all the people at Baydo's in Fife. He goes onto this conversation of how Paul is not even looking at the trailer and giving him a price, he can do it on consignment for nothing and that was good and how he doesn't trust Paul because he didn't even look at the trailer before he gave him a price. So, now for those of you that have worked with older people, it ALWAYS turns into a circular discussion. Quite honestly, I do not like working with the elderly, yet I get to ALL THE TIME. I took care of my Grandmother (still sorting her stuff in my garage because my Dad will not do it), I am now taking care of my parents, and I am pretty sure I have an aunt on the way. On the third cycle, I was like, "Dad, this is NOT my top priority today. I have six boys to get to Basketball Camp, I have errands to run, and then I get to go under general anesthesia at 2:00, so they can band varacies from my esophagus. I have to go." He said, "I honey, I am sorry. I didn't know." He did. "No one told me." We did. "Good luck. I love you." I cried. The poor boys said nothing......XXXX just said, "Families are hard." I love XXXX. More than he knows. Read all his books in Preschool. I was so sick, I think I was the only that had time. I still remember them.
Got to the hospital - they were running late (as usual). People are starting to remember me and my Mom. They are complimenting her a lot. Others in the surgery room are asking how I am doing. They tell the other nurses what a great story I am. I give the short, short version because I am out soon and I fall asleep to, "Oh my God, I am so happy for you........"
I wake up. I am okay, but my chest hurts a lot. I know if I say anything they will make me stay. I get dressed. I go with my Mom. I help another woman out with how to work the parking machine while she is complaining about being rescheduled and she lives in Mountlake Terrace. My Mom is looking cross eyed at me and I am like, whatever......she doesn't know. We get home. Mom goes to get me a vanilla milkshake and I am uncomfortable. I can't get comfortable. I call to Grant, "I am making dinner....can it wait?!?!?!" Clearly I do not have trained like the medical staff at Swedish....NO, my pain is at a 9 which is unheard of for me, so get the frick up here." He says, "Take whatever you need.....you never need pain meds. I take 2 Tylenol and an anti-anxiety pill. I do not want to call the docs tonight. It is just pain. If it continues, I will call tomorrow. I was blissful until Nolan came in and jumped on me. One Advil more....done for the night.
Today has been okay. A little pain and my good friend picked up her kids and made me laugh too much and made me hurt, but in the best way I know. So, it is Friday. Did I get everything done? No. Lara, I am sorry, I did not get to the bank. Juliet, I am sorry, I did not get to Denali. I will try Saturday and Monday. The good news is they got all the varicies and I do not have to go back until January. I missed Nolan's first Tournament Game of this weekend, but he told me all about it.
So here is what I have learned, I am happy that my sons survival depends mainly on his family, because we are secure, have good friends, and a solid foundation. I was not supposed to be here after 2007, but I am and I taken advantage of it everyday with friends, family, and my community. Gotta say my school community is in a really bad place and because of all the crap that they have thrown me (Administration, not my school) I have little trust and am losing patiences. I will give it another 1 to 3 years. Not so much for me, but for my "low income, "Kentistan", we can't possibly be educated enough to know what we need (based on the interviews I just wet through) attitude that the Kent School District Administration just had and disregarded everything the community had to say. " No worries, you see, I have options. Others don't. I wanted to represent all of our community, but if they do not represent us, I am out. That may make some happy.......oh well, I am not will to sacrifice my children for someones career ladder, issues, power issues, etc. They are my babies. I worked hard to have them and I worked harder to raise them, but apparently, I don't matter, because, well, I am not in the right zip code.
Life is complicated and I wish it wasn't.....thanks Kent School District.
Ang
School ended on Friday the 17th at 11:53. By the time I got there, I was so ready for it to be over. It is for so many reasons.....by that time, I knew we were losing out new principal, but petty sure we were well on our way to losing our Vice Principal, Office Manager, and at the very least four teachers. I have been in HR enough to know that we are not ripe for the picking. And, one of our old Vice Principals is in charge of a school in Federal Way. Great. Would I do the same thing? You bet. And it is happening. Who wants the heartache? Who wants the challenge? Who wants to deal with yet ANOTHER NEW PRINCIPAL?!?!?! They are all jumping ship. I just needed a break. We took off from school with lunches for the boys in the car and drove straight (with one stop) to Pasco where we went there our "new travel trailer" orientation. It took one hour and we conveniently had one hour in the store. We had a $225 credit because Grant rejected the bike rack we got with the trailer, so we went crazy! As we were leaving, the woman at the front said, "You have such great energy. So positive. So bright." I get this a lot. Grant and I have been getting it for years. Us, together, traveling have always brought people to us. "Are you lost?" "Do you need a room?" (They are like calling us down the street.......and we do.) "Can I assist you?" This is minus the time Grant had a fit in the middle of the streets of Montreal about Mason getting a Canadians' Hockey Jersey. Everyone politely ignored his "Ontarioness" that day. I thanked her and told her, "Is there another way to be?" She replied with, "Uh, yeah, but I don't think you got it." We left with all the essentials and off to the campground a frightening 10 miles away. I drove. We got there while several of the employees waved at us on the drive. I told Grant I wanted a "drive thru" spot, no backing up for this girl tonight. We parked and practiced all our stuff. I microwaved the hot dogs from the BBQ last night and forgot ALL THE CONDIMENTS. So, there was onion dogs and chips for dinner. YUMMY. Fail. Breakfast was simple, but there was no yogurt for Grant - fail. Lunch was at Fred Meyer in Yakima where Grant was like, "We can park there!" and I am like, "I am parking here." First night a RV park, second night National Forest. So, we pull off the road and Grant is like, "Okay, it is up here, I think, but what if I am wrong....." The road gets narrower and narrower and rougher and rougher (which is NOTHING compared to what my Daddy took us on....) and he starts to get really nervous. I look at him and say, "Dude, this is like NOTHING to me. I got this. My Dad took me on bad roads with a 2000 foot drop on the side." Then I was all, "Yay, look, this is nice (forgetting I had a trailer.......)" and all the boys are like, "TREE!!!!!" Oh, yeah, that is close, but I didn't hit it! By the end of the weekend and backing out of the campsite, out of my neighborhood, and into my parents, Grant and I have it down. See, we met before we both had cell phone, messages on board were normal, and you had sign language. We get each other and I love that. He will drive soon, he just needs to watch a little more, but he is getting really good at the backing me up stuff. The only think our trailer needs is extended mirror and a sign on the back that says, "I CANNOT SEE YOU......LIKE AT ALL......FOLLOW AT YOUR OUR RISK!" I understand that some of my sweet friends and neighbors were taping my backing up the neighborhood, so that should be posted soon. It will be pretty funny!
Monday - My boys and four other boys all that went to preschool together went to Kentridge Basketball Camp together this week and we all took turns taking care of them (except one couple that feels so guilty I am rubbing it in....simply because I do not care!) They go until 12 and then they have adventure with all of us for the afternoon while other families are working. Monday and Tuesday I am off, wow, I was running around getting stuff for the trailer, running errands, going to the library (yes, I still read real books), Fred Meyer, Target, Walmart (who has an amazing amount of travel trailer stuff ONLINE - how is that helpful?!?!), learning Camping World and the "Academy of Take My Money" of the Travel Trailer front. Then, Tuesday pm I got sick. You know, something hit my sensitive colon that said, "BAD."
Wednesday - I was picking up all the boys. I had to work for my parents on Wednesday too. They are trying to sell their Travel Trailer. You ask, "Why did you not take theirs?" I reply with I did not feel comfortable towing the Taj Mahal behind our truck. Take their truck. Really.....have you driven that thing. I have - I am the only other one he lets drive it. It is a monster. Plus, I really wanted a shorter, more off road worthy trailer with bunks for the boys. My parents was a retired trailer with a lot of tvs and seats. No bunks. So anyway, my understanding was that they were going to have it totally cleaned out, washed, and ready to go at the bottom of the drive. NOPE. Mom got vertigo being in the trailer. They had have of it cleaned out and then, guess what, I got to do the other half of the Taj Mahal by myself. with the queen bed falling on my head the entire time. Nice feature in the new trailers - they don't fall on your head. So, I do it, then I clean it. Done. The place that they bought it from is picking it up between 10-12. It is 10:30 and we are all sweating. Mom is mad, Dad is frustrated, I am like, "What the heck?!?!" They call...we will be there closer to noon. Yay. I have to leave to get the boys and I say, "David is coming. It will be fine. Just trust the process." I go. I get the kids.....no one wants to go to the zoo, we go home and they play basketball, go to the river, play inside, fight, play, and finish. And I start my regime for surgery on my esophagus the next day. This was not part of the plan, but scheduling is so awful that I could not postpone the appointment. Grant offered to work from home and help and drive and it was great. The next two days are a hoot....
SIDE NOTE: On Wednesday morning, one of the parents drops her boys off and then sends me this text, and I quote...
"Hi. Yellow bag has their lunches, a jacket for XXXX, and $20 in the side pocket if needed. Please put sunblock on their faces, necks, arms for the zoo. Sunblock is in the bag. Also in there is XXXX's baseball uniform. Can you remind him to get dressed in it (except shoes) before I get there? We need to run straight to practice. God I am high maintenance!"
I read this to all the boys and responded with....
"Gotcha. I give away the sunblock because it is for wimps, $20 is for beer, and XXXXis to be naked with his shoes on at 4:45."
Her response, "Perfect." She knows me too well......I took the $20 and put a Rainier Beer in its place. The boys were rolling. Then, at pick up, they told her what was going on.....OMG, clearly, they do not get a running joke.....
Okay, Thursday, I have four of the six and it is 8:12. I have to leave at 8:20 to get the other two and get them to camp. My Dad calls. I enthusiastically ask, "How was yesterday?!?!" My Dad, in a downward voice says, "It was fine, but I do not trust this Paul." Okay, FYI, I have had nothing but lovely conversation with Paul and David, and all the people at Baydo's in Fife. He goes onto this conversation of how Paul is not even looking at the trailer and giving him a price, he can do it on consignment for nothing and that was good and how he doesn't trust Paul because he didn't even look at the trailer before he gave him a price. So, now for those of you that have worked with older people, it ALWAYS turns into a circular discussion. Quite honestly, I do not like working with the elderly, yet I get to ALL THE TIME. I took care of my Grandmother (still sorting her stuff in my garage because my Dad will not do it), I am now taking care of my parents, and I am pretty sure I have an aunt on the way. On the third cycle, I was like, "Dad, this is NOT my top priority today. I have six boys to get to Basketball Camp, I have errands to run, and then I get to go under general anesthesia at 2:00, so they can band varacies from my esophagus. I have to go." He said, "I honey, I am sorry. I didn't know." He did. "No one told me." We did. "Good luck. I love you." I cried. The poor boys said nothing......XXXX just said, "Families are hard." I love XXXX. More than he knows. Read all his books in Preschool. I was so sick, I think I was the only that had time. I still remember them.
Got to the hospital - they were running late (as usual). People are starting to remember me and my Mom. They are complimenting her a lot. Others in the surgery room are asking how I am doing. They tell the other nurses what a great story I am. I give the short, short version because I am out soon and I fall asleep to, "Oh my God, I am so happy for you........"
I wake up. I am okay, but my chest hurts a lot. I know if I say anything they will make me stay. I get dressed. I go with my Mom. I help another woman out with how to work the parking machine while she is complaining about being rescheduled and she lives in Mountlake Terrace. My Mom is looking cross eyed at me and I am like, whatever......she doesn't know. We get home. Mom goes to get me a vanilla milkshake and I am uncomfortable. I can't get comfortable. I call to Grant, "I am making dinner....can it wait?!?!?!" Clearly I do not have trained like the medical staff at Swedish....NO, my pain is at a 9 which is unheard of for me, so get the frick up here." He says, "Take whatever you need.....you never need pain meds. I take 2 Tylenol and an anti-anxiety pill. I do not want to call the docs tonight. It is just pain. If it continues, I will call tomorrow. I was blissful until Nolan came in and jumped on me. One Advil more....done for the night.
Today has been okay. A little pain and my good friend picked up her kids and made me laugh too much and made me hurt, but in the best way I know. So, it is Friday. Did I get everything done? No. Lara, I am sorry, I did not get to the bank. Juliet, I am sorry, I did not get to Denali. I will try Saturday and Monday. The good news is they got all the varicies and I do not have to go back until January. I missed Nolan's first Tournament Game of this weekend, but he told me all about it.
So here is what I have learned, I am happy that my sons survival depends mainly on his family, because we are secure, have good friends, and a solid foundation. I was not supposed to be here after 2007, but I am and I taken advantage of it everyday with friends, family, and my community. Gotta say my school community is in a really bad place and because of all the crap that they have thrown me (Administration, not my school) I have little trust and am losing patiences. I will give it another 1 to 3 years. Not so much for me, but for my "low income, "Kentistan", we can't possibly be educated enough to know what we need (based on the interviews I just wet through) attitude that the Kent School District Administration just had and disregarded everything the community had to say. " No worries, you see, I have options. Others don't. I wanted to represent all of our community, but if they do not represent us, I am out. That may make some happy.......oh well, I am not will to sacrifice my children for someones career ladder, issues, power issues, etc. They are my babies. I worked hard to have them and I worked harder to raise them, but apparently, I don't matter, because, well, I am not in the right zip code.
Life is complicated and I wish it wasn't.....thanks Kent School District.
Ang
Friday, June 3, 2016
My Birthday Week, Nolan, and not so graceful parenting.....
I should tell you that I have been taking a "Grace Based Parenting Class." This meant to me in this moment, I should kill him "Gracefully." Funny funny ha ha. Not really. Okay, back to it. I had to explain to him that I stopped their allowance because it is a performance based system and since there had been NO PERFORMANCE there is no money. Usually I will give them $3 just for breathing and going to school, but not for crying about how much homework they have, NEVER making their beds, the cats are living in squalor, etc. "What is squalor?" My response, "Do not worry, you are about to know...." In addition, I said, "I have just stayed with you for two days, sought and provided your every need, and this is your response on my birthday?!?!?" In addition to that, I do not want presents!!!!!!! I want a card. I got a card. On my birthday proper, it was a super busy day, Bible Study Brunch, pick up Clifford Costume, drop at school, Student Leadership meeting, Baseball at 4:00. At 3:00, I am exhausted. In the truck, we discuss how Mason is getting dressed for baseball and Nolan will do his homework. Nolan has also decided that he does not want to go to baseball but Family Health Night at school. What happens.....they both get out of the truck, play outside until Mason comes in stomping and pouting about Nolan. Then Nolan comes in and they are both talking and crying at each other about how the other one gets their way all the time, etc, etc. etc. Apparently, siblings do this all the time - what do I know about it?!?!?! I start conflict resolution on them, but apparently, it just turns to the most ridiculous crying, insult flying, self promoting crap fest ever,.......clearly, I should have repeated the rules AGAIN. Then, I was just, "Nolan, do your homework. Mason go outside." Grant comes home, gets briefed, get Mason and I stay home with Nolan as we are going to the Family Night at school. I check Nolan's homework of which he states, "You are wrong. I do not want to be here. I want to go to the beach. I don't like Mason. etc. etc. etc." While I am still trying to come up with graceful ways of wringing his neck, I just grab my purse and leave. I wanted pizza, but I was going to Family Night, but NOT ANYMORE. I am doing what I want on my birthday. Yes, I left my nine year old at home. I said, "I will be back with what I want to do for dinner tonight." When I got home, Nolan was so nice and I was just like, "Why are you being nice now?!?!?! Nolan, I can't take it." The evening got worse from there. We never made it to Family Night or Baseball. I ate A LOT of pizza on my couch with a martini and refused to speak to anyone. No one was following my protocol for dinner where my silence was broken (too bad for them) and the "easy ways to dispose of latex paint by drying it on a tarp and throwing it away" turned into the tarp flipping over paint on my driveway and on the grass, too big to fit in my garbage, and me infuriated. Still mad, I then asked Grant why he can't fill the paint hole or is that, "A weekend project?!?!?!" That did not put us in a good place, but I do not have weekend projects, my entire life one never ending project of taking care of Mason, Nolan, and Grant. It is 24/7, 365 even when I have doctors, low tire pressure, paint to dry, toilets to clean, PTA, Student Leadership, laundry to do, etc. etc.
Then, I went to bed. This morning I talked to Nolan and said, "What will it take to make you happy? You don't like living here, you don't like your room, you don't like playing with Mason, you don't like that we go mountain biking, you say we can't play soccer properly, Nolan what?!?!?! If you had three wishes, what would they be?"
Nolan's wishes:
1. Teach him how to set his alarm clock.
2. Nolan and Mommy day EVERY week. This was negotiated down to a date every week. Nolan clarified it is not the kissing kind. Check.
3. Couldn't think of a third.
"And this will make you happy? No more negative statement, no more complaining about EVERYTHING from food to our cars, no more complaining about soccer, hockey, baseball, track, and basketball (two of those are his....), no more no more?
"Yep." "Deal."
Here is being graceful,
Ang
Thursday, May 26, 2016
Just an update, but what a whirlwind.....
Life has been going as life goes. Things were busy last week - two student leadership events and then Mason. I say "Mason" because he has been having a tough time at school. Behavior in the class is a bit crazy and Mason does not like the horns on the last day of school, so a noisy classroom is horrible for him. He goes under his desk. He refuses to come out. He finally does, but is excused to the ramp outside the portable. I do not know what to say about the rest, but it lead us down a path of seeing if he was suicidal. From every account and from every resource, he is not. He now however has all the crisis hotlines in his notebook for him, or for anyone else. Not the best week, but I had to go on. Every week I have also been experiencing mini migraine headaches. Rather than days, they last a couple hours and I am tired for the rest of the day. They are not horrible, but I can't drive and I am scared to leave home. Weird. So I am home a lot and I remember that they had adjusted a new medication to lower my heart rate further so that I would not burst a varicies (sp). Remember....."It would be a shame for you to bleed out after everything we have done comment?" So, I contact the docs. They both freak out a little and I am like, "I think it is the medication. I am not at death's door. I have done that....definitely not there." They lower my dosage back down and tell me to stay in touch. I will, but all will be fine. I am sure it is the medication.
At the same time of all of this, we get involved in something we were planning on PRE KITCHEN flood. A Travel Trailer. One is used that we like and we get down to making an offer and if was not accepted. Oh well. I have SUPER fond memories of camping in the camper with my family and friends. I know just enough to be dangerous and, like my Grandma, I want what I want and if not, I do not want it. Seems that Travel Trailers are such emotional purchases and they all just prey on your emotions.....I have none. It is a fun game. Funny part is that, again, I am looking at used and economical and Grant is finding "new" at an "extremely fair deal". Roll eyes.....he is going to get something else new....AGAIN. Time will tell.....
So, medication adjusted, Grant spending money like water and wanting to go on a road trip for his 50th birthday and park in front of Sandy's house in Toronto for the mileage of it all, and boy important stuff, I am busy and tired and praying and hoping and wanting to put a blanket over my head.
This has to work out, right?!??!
Happy Thursday,
Ang
At the same time of all of this, we get involved in something we were planning on PRE KITCHEN flood. A Travel Trailer. One is used that we like and we get down to making an offer and if was not accepted. Oh well. I have SUPER fond memories of camping in the camper with my family and friends. I know just enough to be dangerous and, like my Grandma, I want what I want and if not, I do not want it. Seems that Travel Trailers are such emotional purchases and they all just prey on your emotions.....I have none. It is a fun game. Funny part is that, again, I am looking at used and economical and Grant is finding "new" at an "extremely fair deal". Roll eyes.....he is going to get something else new....AGAIN. Time will tell.....
So, medication adjusted, Grant spending money like water and wanting to go on a road trip for his 50th birthday and park in front of Sandy's house in Toronto for the mileage of it all, and boy important stuff, I am busy and tired and praying and hoping and wanting to put a blanket over my head.
This has to work out, right?!??!
Happy Thursday,
Ang
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
OMG - I got my table!!!!
Officially the kitchen is done. Pictures to follow. The last few days have been filled with craziness, and heartbreak. I am good. Honest. But not everyone in my situation is.
Monday....I am getting ready for the week. I am in the middle of cleaning the house. I used to be able to do it in one day, but those days are gone. I did floors today. Bathrooms and kitchen were yesterday.
Tuesday....I am supposed to dust. I do. I hate it, but yikes, really?!??! Why does that much dirt come into your house?!?!?!? Tuesday PM - there is water underneath my sink..........FRICK....PTSD is kicking in....text my contractor. Nolan and I get the table, chairs, and potato and onion holder.....yay.
Wednesday at 7:47, plumbers show up. Really?!?!?! I was told 8 to 8:30. I am in my robe and my plumbers are relentless!!!!! Jim was like, "You should see my puppy, but you are in your robe." and Eric was like, "I heard you have a skunk and a possum in your crawlspace." Anyway, they fixed it and I told them to never come back and I know they will. WHATEVER. I love them.
So, this week is busy. Then Nolan tells me he is sick on Wednesday. Stomach problems. But, as soon, as school starts he is FINE. Really. Well, stay in your bed and not video or tv.....really?!?!?! Yes. Really. I had SO much to do today and Nolan screwed it all up. BUT, I did teach him things like, "how to refurbish a wood piece" and "how to "perk up" a lawn area piece, but really?!?!?!? "
So, here I am. I have done all my work, but then I screwed up my PTA Council Budget because I was in the wrong year?!?!?!?! OMG. I suck. I love my President....she is really nice and supportive, even when I suck. Anyway, I am going to review it in the morning and send it off. I hate software.
I was at school for an amazing museum of inventors on Tuesday. I will be there for Bingo for Book on Thursday also where I just got bags for the kids that "win" so many books for the summer reading program. FYI - PTA got all the books 3500-4000 of them. I have been put in charge of Student Leadership and they now are proving so strong and able......it makes me misty.....they are my kids......
Be advised that all the above is noise.......On Tuesday, I was at school and I was idle....I know, right?!?!?! So I was reading the walls of the school and there was a wall of, "What I want to solve in the world...." I read the different responses...all sweet and real and then....."I want to solve cancer." Author, Nolan Hainsworth. Pause. Exhale. Breathe. Seriously?!?!?! FRICK. Pause. Exhale. Pause. FRICK. When is this going to leave us?!?!?! He never mentioned anything to me. A couple days later I talked to Nolan about it. Nolan was like, "I want to be your oncologist." I was like, "Nolan, really think about this. I know you would make an amazing surgeon, but I an not sure you could do the oncologist route. Hank could talk to you. I know he would. He loves you." (How lucky am I?!?!?) "Nolan, surgery right now is like video game on humans." "OMG MOMMY! That is awesome!!!!" Lets remember that Nolan wanted to be a surgeon and cut people up and then leave them when he was two also, remember...he wanted to go into the armed forces...this is a win for a mama!
So, there you have it. I thought life was all about what happens next and it is really in someone else's hands. It hurts when I see my boys hurt, but I chose this path of honestly and clarity. People die. Mason is so comfortable with this he is like, "When this house is mine and Grandma and Grandpa die..." and I am like, "Mason, better to plan on your own than plan on our death...." I was supposed to die before 2/16/2009.
Happy Wednesday,
Ang
Monday....I am getting ready for the week. I am in the middle of cleaning the house. I used to be able to do it in one day, but those days are gone. I did floors today. Bathrooms and kitchen were yesterday.
Tuesday....I am supposed to dust. I do. I hate it, but yikes, really?!??! Why does that much dirt come into your house?!?!?!? Tuesday PM - there is water underneath my sink..........FRICK....PTSD is kicking in....text my contractor. Nolan and I get the table, chairs, and potato and onion holder.....yay.
Wednesday at 7:47, plumbers show up. Really?!?!?! I was told 8 to 8:30. I am in my robe and my plumbers are relentless!!!!! Jim was like, "You should see my puppy, but you are in your robe." and Eric was like, "I heard you have a skunk and a possum in your crawlspace." Anyway, they fixed it and I told them to never come back and I know they will. WHATEVER. I love them.
So, this week is busy. Then Nolan tells me he is sick on Wednesday. Stomach problems. But, as soon, as school starts he is FINE. Really. Well, stay in your bed and not video or tv.....really?!?!?! Yes. Really. I had SO much to do today and Nolan screwed it all up. BUT, I did teach him things like, "how to refurbish a wood piece" and "how to "perk up" a lawn area piece, but really?!?!?!? "
So, here I am. I have done all my work, but then I screwed up my PTA Council Budget because I was in the wrong year?!?!?!?! OMG. I suck. I love my President....she is really nice and supportive, even when I suck. Anyway, I am going to review it in the morning and send it off. I hate software.
I was at school for an amazing museum of inventors on Tuesday. I will be there for Bingo for Book on Thursday also where I just got bags for the kids that "win" so many books for the summer reading program. FYI - PTA got all the books 3500-4000 of them. I have been put in charge of Student Leadership and they now are proving so strong and able......it makes me misty.....they are my kids......
Be advised that all the above is noise.......On Tuesday, I was at school and I was idle....I know, right?!?!?! So I was reading the walls of the school and there was a wall of, "What I want to solve in the world...." I read the different responses...all sweet and real and then....."I want to solve cancer." Author, Nolan Hainsworth. Pause. Exhale. Breathe. Seriously?!?!?! FRICK. Pause. Exhale. Pause. FRICK. When is this going to leave us?!?!?! He never mentioned anything to me. A couple days later I talked to Nolan about it. Nolan was like, "I want to be your oncologist." I was like, "Nolan, really think about this. I know you would make an amazing surgeon, but I an not sure you could do the oncologist route. Hank could talk to you. I know he would. He loves you." (How lucky am I?!?!?) "Nolan, surgery right now is like video game on humans." "OMG MOMMY! That is awesome!!!!" Lets remember that Nolan wanted to be a surgeon and cut people up and then leave them when he was two also, remember...he wanted to go into the armed forces...this is a win for a mama!
So, there you have it. I thought life was all about what happens next and it is really in someone else's hands. It hurts when I see my boys hurt, but I chose this path of honestly and clarity. People die. Mason is so comfortable with this he is like, "When this house is mine and Grandma and Grandpa die..." and I am like, "Mason, better to plan on your own than plan on our death...." I was supposed to die before 2/16/2009.
Happy Wednesday,
Ang
Sunday, May 15, 2016
Lots to catch up on....
So, lots has happened. Mason has been released to "full duty" as long as he feels well. I have been to released to want what I want which is typical, yet not understandable. Sweetly, he wears a batter helmet when he is on base.....for me. And Nolan, well, Nolan is just sad. Let me explain.....
Mason is doing great, but sometimes, he is overwhelmed. This is the tricky part. He wants to do Baseball, Track, and everything in between.....really?!?!?! You have a concussion. While predicted it was mild, still a concussion. At the Jamboree on Saturday, Mason was playing Catcher, and he got hurt. Because I am who I am, I wasn't paying attention when he got hurt. All the guys were laughing and I was like, "Did he hit his head?!?!?!?" One of Mason's best friend's Dad's said, "Ang, It was the other head." PROBLEM SOLVED!!!!!! I must have looked like a real bitch, but he is my boy and Grant already decided that he could play outfield without a helmet. I guess I have to relax, but how can you. I am the mama.
Nolan had is last game with the buddies he has been playing with forever. I/we were sad but the age range is changing this year and there is no guarantee he would be with them anyway. Nolan is a February baby and everyone else is the year before. He was so sad on the way home. "This is the year that changed everything." I was like, "Wha?!??! You will see him in tournaments, other play etc. We cannot help the field of play." "Really?!?!?! Well, I guess I will see him in a year...." I was like, "Well, you are going to see Owen in August. Try not to be such a downer!" We can see Rayden. OMG. It is not like his is moving away....what the heck?!?!?! Since then, he has been picked for the 2007 A team. He is so excited he agreed to summer tournament and practices....he has NEVER done that. I am happy for for him and hope it is all that he wanted.
So, this is real life. The other part is PTA, figuring our that part.....I REFUSE to break the rules yet I do not want it to die. Tomorrow my PTA for Neely meets to discuss next year. Interesting is all I can say....
Grant and I had a sit down and I said, "I do not want to get a job. Our lives would just be chaos." "Okay. Ang, we will figure this out.", Grant said. "I can live on less. I have lived on nothing. Freezer is full. We will be okay.", I said,. HOWEVER, it was nice to have people think I was going back to work and interested in me. I was worth something. I was good, but I have to focus on my family. I always knew this was my duty. When I was engaged to Grant I said, "You are the last of six. I am the only Granddaughter, Niece, and Daughter. I can't leave anywhere but a nonstop fight from our home." He was okay with that. Grant.....the only guy I have ever known to be able to get me through all this crap. Funny thing is that a lot of people look at the family when it comes to marriage. Grant....well, on the outside has not much to offer, but they love me....and lately, I think more than him. Especially since I was there for the 90th!!!!! hehehehehe. When we were married our Pastor said, "These two have NOTHING in common but values." As I cry, I think, OMG, is that all we needed?!?! Infertility, Cancer, Aging Parents, oh yeah and Nolan......I love him, but wha?!?!?!?!
And then there are my parents....so, I take care of them every week. We plot and plan for the next week so that they can comfortably stay in their house. We have made GREAT strides since September. Things are organized, Mom is doing amazing, Dad is accepting of his situation, and I get lunch. However.......I love my parents, but really their problems are so, well minor, compared to others. I walked in the other day and they were having a fight about a hot water facet. "Did you get the serial number!?!?!?!?!" I was rolling my eyes like, "Wha?" My parents have worked hard all of their lives to have an easy retirement. I am not sure they know what that looks like.....cause they have it.......WHATEVER!!!!!
Anyhoo, I am tired, laundry is going and I have a Board Meeting tomorrow that I have to prepare for. Here is to life......with cancer....with aging parents....with a business that is sometime vulnerable, and with us. We got this. Happy Sunday.
Love, Ang
Mason is doing great, but sometimes, he is overwhelmed. This is the tricky part. He wants to do Baseball, Track, and everything in between.....really?!?!?! You have a concussion. While predicted it was mild, still a concussion. At the Jamboree on Saturday, Mason was playing Catcher, and he got hurt. Because I am who I am, I wasn't paying attention when he got hurt. All the guys were laughing and I was like, "Did he hit his head?!?!?!?" One of Mason's best friend's Dad's said, "Ang, It was the other head." PROBLEM SOLVED!!!!!! I must have looked like a real bitch, but he is my boy and Grant already decided that he could play outfield without a helmet. I guess I have to relax, but how can you. I am the mama.
Nolan had is last game with the buddies he has been playing with forever. I/we were sad but the age range is changing this year and there is no guarantee he would be with them anyway. Nolan is a February baby and everyone else is the year before. He was so sad on the way home. "This is the year that changed everything." I was like, "Wha?!??! You will see him in tournaments, other play etc. We cannot help the field of play." "Really?!?!?! Well, I guess I will see him in a year...." I was like, "Well, you are going to see Owen in August. Try not to be such a downer!" We can see Rayden. OMG. It is not like his is moving away....what the heck?!?!?! Since then, he has been picked for the 2007 A team. He is so excited he agreed to summer tournament and practices....he has NEVER done that. I am happy for for him and hope it is all that he wanted.
So, this is real life. The other part is PTA, figuring our that part.....I REFUSE to break the rules yet I do not want it to die. Tomorrow my PTA for Neely meets to discuss next year. Interesting is all I can say....
Grant and I had a sit down and I said, "I do not want to get a job. Our lives would just be chaos." "Okay. Ang, we will figure this out.", Grant said. "I can live on less. I have lived on nothing. Freezer is full. We will be okay.", I said,. HOWEVER, it was nice to have people think I was going back to work and interested in me. I was worth something. I was good, but I have to focus on my family. I always knew this was my duty. When I was engaged to Grant I said, "You are the last of six. I am the only Granddaughter, Niece, and Daughter. I can't leave anywhere but a nonstop fight from our home." He was okay with that. Grant.....the only guy I have ever known to be able to get me through all this crap. Funny thing is that a lot of people look at the family when it comes to marriage. Grant....well, on the outside has not much to offer, but they love me....and lately, I think more than him. Especially since I was there for the 90th!!!!! hehehehehe. When we were married our Pastor said, "These two have NOTHING in common but values." As I cry, I think, OMG, is that all we needed?!?! Infertility, Cancer, Aging Parents, oh yeah and Nolan......I love him, but wha?!?!?!?!
And then there are my parents....so, I take care of them every week. We plot and plan for the next week so that they can comfortably stay in their house. We have made GREAT strides since September. Things are organized, Mom is doing amazing, Dad is accepting of his situation, and I get lunch. However.......I love my parents, but really their problems are so, well minor, compared to others. I walked in the other day and they were having a fight about a hot water facet. "Did you get the serial number!?!?!?!?!" I was rolling my eyes like, "Wha?" My parents have worked hard all of their lives to have an easy retirement. I am not sure they know what that looks like.....cause they have it.......WHATEVER!!!!!
Anyhoo, I am tired, laundry is going and I have a Board Meeting tomorrow that I have to prepare for. Here is to life......with cancer....with aging parents....with a business that is sometime vulnerable, and with us. We got this. Happy Sunday.
Love, Ang
Saturday, April 30, 2016
Just an update.....
Mason is doing well, BUT he has been dizzy. No headaches or fatigue (but he is sleeping more than normal), but dizzy. We are moving forward CAUTIOUSLY. The school has been AMAZING. I finally talked to the Recess Teacher that called it in. She was so clear, "Ang, I saw it happen and his head folding into the other boy and I called for 911 and a nurse." No question, no evaluation, no anything. THANK GOD. I love my school. I love the care they give to each child. SIDEBAR: So, this is how I feel and I KNOW that they apply the same care to all students, yet in the election for a new school in the "Kent Valley" it was stated that, "Why should I invest in Kentistan?!?!?" And something along the lines of they are not "real" Americans. PAUSE. I invite ANYONE to my school. I challenge ANYONE to our education. Let me take you on a tour and show you "Kentistan" and see if you do not fall in love with us......real or not. Needless to say, our bond in failing. The first in years to fail and I can only attribute it to the hate. Shame on you. Really shame on you.
I ran the last of the fundraisers for the year last week......Clothing for the Cause. I hope we did well. Funny thing while I was hangin' out at school, I asked the sixth grade teachers, "Is there a sixth grade camp this year?" Quickly they answered with, "Not unless you are running it?!?!?!" "Nope! Thanks - I just wanted to ask because remember, I am leading Student Leadership since no one else would (at no charge) and they were really upset. Just wanted to check to see if it was true." They went on about how I should do sixth and fifth grade camps. Sonia chimed in with some borderline comments, but it was all in fun.
Maybe people still do not understand....I would love to send the kids to "real" sixth grade camp, or even fifth grade camp, but PTA has supported so many things it is almost impossible to imagine. We are the, and I have researched, the only PTA to pay for Scholastic News etc., snacks during testing, scholarships to special programs, etc. We do so much "operational" stuff, there is no time for extra. In addition, my team is leaving me because their kids are graduating Elementary and I will be left with less than three volunteers. My term is over and yet no one, seriously, no one has come forward to help (other than Box tops! - YAY!). I guess I am sad so sad, Lara and I really tried to make a PTA that was solid, accountable, and ready. Now, our terms are over, and we look to shutting it down because we may not have the officers to run it. Sure, I would do sixth grade camp if I did not have spirit wear for two schools, budgets for two schools, yearbook, BBQ, open house, PASA, bookfair, Scholastic News, Teachers Meals for two schools, Teacher Appreciation for two schools, Math Night, Movie Night, Bingo for Books and Student and Regular Leadership. BTW, I get paid zero pay. Zero. And I used to have to pay for child care to attend meetings. I guess the joke is on me. I thought I was contributing. I thought I was building towards another reign, but I guess I was not. It does not matter anyway. I will probably have to go back to my real work. I have been well for a while. Cancer seems to be a bay (still have to the two spots, but they are not doing anything) and Grant may need my help. He loves me home, but if the business is slow, I have to put food on the table. That is the trouble with a one income family. So, I will resign my positions, I will go back to work, and I will be like all the rest of the parents. Too busy. Overworked, and well, unavailable. That makes me sad, but at the same time, I should get paid for my work - my parents invested a lot in my education.....but still, I morn it...I love hangin' out at my school - working together. I love being the parent that they can call last minute, but that comes at a cost and maybe with all that is happen in my family, we just can't do it. It is funny, I was looking at jobs and my boys were like, "You can make that much?!!?!" I was like, "Who did you think I was?!?!?! I chose to work at a non-profit, I had offers twice a month for double my salary, but I wanted to work there and I wanted kids.....meaning you.....so it was not fair to start something I could not finish." This may have been a good exercise for my boys......
This was a tough week.....things will be determined in this week......I hope I like it......
Love, Ang
I ran the last of the fundraisers for the year last week......Clothing for the Cause. I hope we did well. Funny thing while I was hangin' out at school, I asked the sixth grade teachers, "Is there a sixth grade camp this year?" Quickly they answered with, "Not unless you are running it?!?!?!" "Nope! Thanks - I just wanted to ask because remember, I am leading Student Leadership since no one else would (at no charge) and they were really upset. Just wanted to check to see if it was true." They went on about how I should do sixth and fifth grade camps. Sonia chimed in with some borderline comments, but it was all in fun.
Maybe people still do not understand....I would love to send the kids to "real" sixth grade camp, or even fifth grade camp, but PTA has supported so many things it is almost impossible to imagine. We are the, and I have researched, the only PTA to pay for Scholastic News etc., snacks during testing, scholarships to special programs, etc. We do so much "operational" stuff, there is no time for extra. In addition, my team is leaving me because their kids are graduating Elementary and I will be left with less than three volunteers. My term is over and yet no one, seriously, no one has come forward to help (other than Box tops! - YAY!). I guess I am sad so sad, Lara and I really tried to make a PTA that was solid, accountable, and ready. Now, our terms are over, and we look to shutting it down because we may not have the officers to run it. Sure, I would do sixth grade camp if I did not have spirit wear for two schools, budgets for two schools, yearbook, BBQ, open house, PASA, bookfair, Scholastic News, Teachers Meals for two schools, Teacher Appreciation for two schools, Math Night, Movie Night, Bingo for Books and Student and Regular Leadership. BTW, I get paid zero pay. Zero. And I used to have to pay for child care to attend meetings. I guess the joke is on me. I thought I was contributing. I thought I was building towards another reign, but I guess I was not. It does not matter anyway. I will probably have to go back to my real work. I have been well for a while. Cancer seems to be a bay (still have to the two spots, but they are not doing anything) and Grant may need my help. He loves me home, but if the business is slow, I have to put food on the table. That is the trouble with a one income family. So, I will resign my positions, I will go back to work, and I will be like all the rest of the parents. Too busy. Overworked, and well, unavailable. That makes me sad, but at the same time, I should get paid for my work - my parents invested a lot in my education.....but still, I morn it...I love hangin' out at my school - working together. I love being the parent that they can call last minute, but that comes at a cost and maybe with all that is happen in my family, we just can't do it. It is funny, I was looking at jobs and my boys were like, "You can make that much?!!?!" I was like, "Who did you think I was?!?!?! I chose to work at a non-profit, I had offers twice a month for double my salary, but I wanted to work there and I wanted kids.....meaning you.....so it was not fair to start something I could not finish." This may have been a good exercise for my boys......
This was a tough week.....things will be determined in this week......I hope I like it......
Love, Ang
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
Emergency Room Trifecta - check.....
So, the last few day have been good, roof is finally done. Yes, like the entire roof is on my house. I do longer am the "questionable neighbor". Grant and I (and the boys) have been doing tons of yard work and it is getting so cute. Yesterday, I had one last thing to get - a hanging basket at Costco. I am at Costco have a few items and my basket and get a call from school. "I need to you to come to school. Mason and another boy hit each other and I just need to you to come to school." I was like, "Mason hit someone?!?!?!? (thinking fight)". "No, not like that, they were playing and the ran into each other." WHEW. I really never thought I would have that conversation about Mason. Nolan, well that is different, I am waiting for the call. "Okay, I am coming." I get to checkout and am in the middle and I get another call, "Where are you?" "Costco." "Okay, we had called 911 just to be safe, but they are going to transport him to Valley. You are closer there, just go to Valley and take a deep breath." I had stopped breathing and the whole world stopped. I don't really know what happened after that, but I was checked out and in the truck. I beat them there - shocking. The Vice Principal was with him. He was in a brace and on a back board. I couldn't touch him at first. I just hugged the Vice Principal and looked at him." He was fine - all thumbs up and everything. Happy, but uncomfortable. They were playing kick ball and they ran into eat other Mason's head to that kids check (he is a big kid) and Mason lost consciousness. He then had some tingling in his leg and the staff thought better to be safe than sorry. NOTE - Being an older parent sometimes works against you. If this would have happened to me in elementary school, they would have checked my pupils, saw if I was bleeding from the ear and told me to walk it off. How many concussions did I have?!?!?! After a couple hours, the tests and exams were done. They went into the big long thing about how them would like a CT scan of the head and back and were all worried about me saying no because of radiation. Clearly, they had no idea how they were talking to. I was like, "Do it. I don't have a problem with the radiation." The tingling in his leg was gone and we left with no neck injury, but a concussion and the longest list of things he cannot do.....again, remember me, "WALK IT OFF!" This thing goes on for a page and a half. Mason was sad as we were going over it, but understood. When we got home, Nolan was so excited to see him and quickly ran to his backpack and said, "Mason, look! We can ride bikes to school!" Silent pause and then they tears came and sobbing started, "But, I can't ride a bike." Then Nolan starts crying, "What? Why?" So, I told him about the list with two boys sobbing.....this may be a long week.....
So, we are home, it is late start. I am keeping Mason home, he has testing next week (which he can't do if he is not healed) and baseball games are going to start. We meet with his doc tomorrow.
The weird thing is in the scan we learned that Mason has an extra bone in his neck. Weird. I knew he was in my stomach too long - I guess he just kept growing.....
The weirder thing is that I really wanted Hawaiian BBQ last night and an L&L BBQ opened up two days ago close to my house. Do I now have a strange affiliation with Hawaii and the Emergency Room? Or maybe I have an extra bone in my neck too.
It was delicious.
Happy Wednesday,
Ang
So, we are home, it is late start. I am keeping Mason home, he has testing next week (which he can't do if he is not healed) and baseball games are going to start. We meet with his doc tomorrow.
The weird thing is in the scan we learned that Mason has an extra bone in his neck. Weird. I knew he was in my stomach too long - I guess he just kept growing.....
The weirder thing is that I really wanted Hawaiian BBQ last night and an L&L BBQ opened up two days ago close to my house. Do I now have a strange affiliation with Hawaii and the Emergency Room? Or maybe I have an extra bone in my neck too.
It was delicious.
Happy Wednesday,
Ang
Saturday, April 16, 2016
My friends....
I have great friends…..
So, I am coming home from a soccer game tonight and I am
with one of my best friends. She has not
been a “forever” friend, but she is one of my mom buddies. Our kids would go to indoor gym. Her Husband would take them and I would
too. Her first would say, “MOMMY!!!!” referring
to me and I was like, “Ben, I am not your Mommy.” And he would refute, “You are
a MOMMY, so MOMMY!” Then, when I got
sick, My Mom would take them. She got to
know my friend’s husband. Sadly, how
lucky am I?!?! On the way home from
Woodinville, we shared all sorts of kids stories and she said to me, “I don’t
know if I could have done it without you.”
We held hands for a second and I thought, “You bought me clothes when I
thought I was a goner.” I love her. I love her kids. Here are some of my best stories – OF OTHER
PEOPLES KIDS……
Karissa and I – Camping – our kids are slinging each other
on the back of bikes with a roller that is super dangerous and the 12 year old
summer intern is trying to find the parents.
(We were behind the tent. Yes, drinking
Gin and Tonics.) She also helped me get
out of the house…..bless her, but sometimes her options SUCKED. Her own kids were like, “Can we do what Angie
wants?!?!?!?” Gotta say, love those
kids, but Karissa – HOLY COW there is a special place in heaven for her. She is still known as “my girl” at
chemo. The nurses ask about her…..she is
that special to them and to me. Last
story, her kids came up to us one day and she was chewing gum and we were like,
“Where did you get the gum?” and she said, “The slide.” You can image our response. YUCK.
Grace cleaning my house.
Grace is my college roommate and OMG I was in my bedroom while she was “cleaning/flushing”
my toilet a 1000 times. I was sick as a
dog and was like, “What the hell are you doing?!?!?!” Grace’s response, “Cleaning your toilet.” My response, “Are you serious?!?!!” I dragged myself over there and taught her
how to clean a toilet. Her response, “You
know there is a reason you got rectal cancer.”
My response, “Fuck off and it was to teach you how to clean a toilet.” I LOVE HER and oddly, she loves me. But, I have to say, Grace can scrub a floor
like no one’s business!
Small and mighty….so I had this team….Part one cleaning…Part
two food…..They were all under 5 foot 4 and honest I would not mess with them
ever. You know who you are (Beth, Annemarie,
and Sarah) and I am afraid of you. Truly.
My Mom. Enough
said. She scares me.
My Aunt. She is
nicer, but not by much.
My Cousin that always had a place for me to socialize. She knew what to do. She did it. She invited and told everyone to wash their
hands…..I love her. It was a safe place
in the storm. I am so thankful. I show up now and it is like close
family. I am so blessed.
Crofts – especially Cheryl.
Holy cow. For being so lazier
faire, she has known me as nothing but with cancer. She was accommodated through everything –
including Family Fun Center Birthdays.
WOW. I did not think I could get a friend after cancer – I am
a little high maintenance, but there she is….and her whole family…..how lucky
am I?!?!?!?!
Jen – Where my kids learned “supper”. Jen came when I was in lung surgery. People at church STILL talk about her. I think they liked her better than me. She was me, but better, nicer I am pretty
sure. After my second lung surgery, I
was useless, I was at my parents along with Auntie Donna because her house
flooded and we were a bunch of useless people.
Jen stabilized my family. She
slept on an air mattress for more than a week.
FUNNY PART – Mason is going to hockey camp this summer in Kelowna where
she and Robin live and going to live with them.
Funnier part is that she thinks that is weird. I don’t.
She bonded with them. Mason is so
happy to be there is way beyond luck. He
loves them. Wonder why?!?!?! .
Trina who picked up the loose ends, Beckey who tended to me
as a nurse when I didn’t want to go, Coleen for rubbing my feet for hours on
end, for Heather making to go to Jessica, for Elaine for loving me through the
treatments, for Charlene and dinners with Bailey, for all the dinners, the
love, the prayers, the light, the belief that I was going to beat this…….really…..I
don’t not deserve it, but I am oh so thankful for it.
This list does not in any way cover everyone. For that, I am sorry. I am aware that my experience is not dependent on just those listed above. Please forgive me for those I forgot. As I sit here now, surrounded by paperwork and tasks that I would not do cancer free, I am thankful, grateful, and wise to the effort on my behalf. How lucky am I?!?!?!?
Happy Saturday,
Ang
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