I just got home from the second of

three funerals that my cousin and her family have to attend. She and I are cousins by marriage, so we have no blood relation, but we have known each other for something like 28 years. We were born days from one another and both are Geminis. We have a lot in common, and as with my blood relation girl cousin, she is stunning, perfectly thin, and I pale in both of their shadows. (I come from good stock, but my Dad screwed me up!) But, like both of these cousins, they are some of my greatest fans, and love me genuinely. I was at my Aunt's house for canning peaches and pears last weekend. I got there on Friday and that is when they found my cousin's eldest son. He had died under a tree as a result of a motorcycle accident. 22 years old. Navy Man. I comforted my Aunt and Uncle. I offered my help, but really all I could do is can peaches - they weren't getting any greener and my Aunt was busy. So, I did. They went to her side. I didn't feel it was appropriate for me to go so soon. I took care of the dog, made my Uncle a sandwich, and I didn't cry. I was busy....and numb. Young, healthy, just coming into his own, and poof, he is gone. I really didn't cry until I came home and saw Grant. A horrible accident. One could blame the bike, one could blame the road, but really there is nothing to blame. It is just a horrible accident and, unfortunately, the horrible accident happen to him. I saw her at the service at Mt. Tahoma National Cemetery. I didn't feel like I should interrupt her - there was so much family. So, I didn't and it wasn't until she was in the car to leave that she glanced up and saw me. She pointed directly to me and said, "You. I want to see you." She asked that I attend the gathering afterward, and, of course, I said, "If you want me there, I will." "I do." "Okay." I love her. I really do. I know that I am only the step, but we are family. At the reception, we shared words that only moms and family can share. We cried and we laughed and I was so proud of the strength and the grace that she had for all this. I pray for her to get through this, but how do you do that? How? So, as I came home with one of the bouquets because they didn't have enough space in the family's car, I initially wanted to give them to someone...anyone....but when I tried, I couldn't and for a brief moment, I felt peace. He was still here, in the flowers, in the air, comforting his Mom, Dad, and Sister. Keep the flowers and smile....... Love, Ang P.S. For those of my sick friends (which accounts for most of them), yes, my house is sparkling clean, I have canned pears, pickles, dilly beans, and called family friends for the recipes and how the canned the soup they brought me when I was sick. IT IS HOW I MOURN!!!! Logical? No. Productive? EXTREMELY!