Friday, September 17, 2010

Survey and Great News

Okay, so when you live this long with a "terminal" condition, researchers like to talk to you and, well, I love to talk, so it is a win win. My last call was last week. They asked me the same questions - lifestyle, eating habits, exercise, and the emotional stuff. For example, "Are you depressed some of the time, most of the time, a little, not at all?" Most of my answers go like this - a little, not much, NO!, that is crazy - life is terminal!, SERIOUSLY?!?! And then the dreaded "support" questions come. The support questions always are hard for me because I again realize how many people support me to do what I do......and I choke up. A LOT. Are there people to take you your appointments? Do you feel like you can ask someone to help you out? Do you have the financial resources to "afford" your condition? Do people bring you food? Do you have adequate child care? Do you have a supportive partner? Now, let's step back....these calls are scheduled calls that take 45 mins to an hour. I complete them in 35 mins, but then, by now, I should be a pro. Before I get on these calls, I typically refocus my brain to NOT CRY during the support questions. Sometimes that is in addition to a wee bit of wine if I can stomach it or medication. When I get off the call I am so grateful for my situation and then I cry. Not for myself, but for the person to says, "No, I don't have someone to drive me, feed my family, or help out. I don't have adequate child care, friends, or a supportive partner." Exhale. Breathe. Pray. Pray for them, be grateful for me, and try to feel the feeling rather than use humor to hide it. On my last call, I said, "You know, I think people are like, 'God! Will she be cured or die already - I am sick of bringing her food!'" Just to clarify, yes mother, that comment was VERY timely and appropriate in our conversation. Mind you, she (my Mom) will march into a school and slam everybody for what is wrong with a lunch, but she is concerned about my sarcasm with a research associate. I know, but I digress. I do love her so. Anyway, when we ended the call it ended with, "Angela, it was great talking to you again, we will talk again soon - you know, you are REALLY lucky." And I ended it with, "And you don't even know on how many levels." Click. Cry. Breathe. Exhale. Wine. Cry. Move on. Okay, let's shift gears..... Here is the great news. I got to see my colorectal surgeon and get an exam WITH HIS INTERN, but that is not the great news. The great news is that my RECTAL lesion is "considerably smaller" and he is "very happy." Chemo is working - thank God - again, it is working - thank GOD. Happy weekend - love to you all and again, thank you for your love, your support and for making my life possible. I couldn't do it without you. Love, Ang


auntie jane said...

!!!!So glad to hear that chemo is working!!!! Thank you for making life richer. Squeeze the boys for me. Love Jane

auntie jane said...

Hey, I forgot to ask... It's fall...What's next for the Pumpkin Hurlin, Mutton Bustin,Outdoor Campin Clarno-Hainsworths?????