My own worst enemy

So life has been truckin' along just great. I went on my first trip BY MYSELF to NYC to visit with friends. I had an amazing trip. These are friends that I have known for 18 years. We have lived all over the country (actually they have, I stay put) and we have met up in Boston, Altanta, Phoenix, Chicago, Charlotte, Rutherton (you are not supposed to know where that is, or how to pronounce it), and NYC. We have been to each others weddings, cried over events in our lives and, of course, they have cared for me through cancer. While we were there, we went shopping for ingredients for dinner. We spend a lot of time doing that. They made me rest which was good, we laughed, watched movies, slept, cooked, etc. The first day was hard for me. I didn't know if I would get back to Manhattan again. We are a very special three. I can't describe it. We are so different, yet connected. I am a better person for knowing them - I am so lucky. We were all sitting on the couch and I wished that in 10/20 years we would still "be". I stayed in this misty place for a while, then, when we were walking through Central Park we came to the only straight path with these amazingly huge majestic trees. The colors were awesome and the power in this area of the park was tremendous. I, of course, got quiet and then my NYC friend said, "This is the one place in the park that I just don't like....it is straight and in a city that is so angular, I just hate this. Central park is about curves....BLAH BLAH BLAH." MOMENT GONE. Did I mention we were different????? So, here is how all of this works in with the title of the post....before I left life was busy, the computer died (after three hours on the phone with tech support), we went to Disney on Ice (which is surprisingly exhausting for the parents), I was doing too much, cooking every night, shopping, stocking the freezer, doing little things for friends, cleaning the house, etc. etc. etc. I went to NYC which used to infuse me with energy and now drains me because I am different now - two kids and cancer will do that to a person. I got home, took a shower, when to bed and exhaled. I thought, "I am back. I can do it all. I defied the odds. Screw you cancer." Yeah, there was my mistake....for those of you that have been with me for a while you always respect the cancer. The reality is I am doing great, no, I am doing amazing, but I need to take care which is a challenge for me. Y'know, I am kinda challenge based girl....laundry check, work check, survive cancer check, visit friends in NYC check, Mason knows the alphabet check, Nolan is turning three check maybe he will stop being so stubborn check, etc. Anyway, back to the story, so I wake up on Tuesday see Grant off and start laundry. Well, we quickly realize that Grant and the boys left ALL their bathing suits at the Y the night before at swimming lessons. Grant had nothing to say except, "CRAP, they must be there.....Nolan was screaming." That is code for - I can't hear myself think when that guy is screaming . So, I got the boys dressed, get in the car, see emergency vehicles at the neighbors that is a cancer patient, roll down the windows to the truck, run down, advise the EMTs, call the wife, get back into the car, go to the Y, got the bathing suits, returned home, neighbor at the hospital and "fine", started thinking about what is for dinner, went out to the pantry and found someone or several someones have made it their pantry too. I have never had a mouse problem and I don't do mice. Grant had been managing this. The only thing I can say to that is that in the war between my husband and mouse, mouse wins. Call the exterminator. They come tomorrow. Do all my shopping that night for the week because I REFUSE TO TOUCH ANYTHING IN THE PANTRY. Wednesday, I am trimming a whole beef tenderloin because I think, wow it is a lot cheaper to do it this way and, heck, I have the time. (Was I high?) I wrap everything up into the freezer except for the roast for that night. Exterminator leaves making my garage a literal mouse trap. I finally sit down and realize, "CRAP, we have swimming, I am not making a nice dinner tonight." So, I decide to make it while the kids are sleeping so that Grant has a nice dinner while we are at swim lessons. I brown the roast, stick it in the oven, prepare the potatoes, pull the roast out being careful because the pan is hot, move the roast to rest, turn to deglaze the pan and decide to my the pan to a different burner........do you see how this is shaping up??? Yeah, I grabbed the pan with my hand. 500 degrees. After having finishing up quickly, calling Grant, Grant taking the kids to swimming, and me having my hand in ice water for four hours I decide to go to the doc. My oncologists office calls and says, just go see someone tonight. (You call them about fevers and burns - always - because of the risk of infection and even though I am doing great my immune system is still questionable). The nurse at my everyday clinic says go to ER. So, I decide, with the help of my neighbor, to go to the urgent care clinic. I then look in the mirror and say, "Well great, I haven't showered again because I thought I was doing swimming today. Why is it that every time I go to the ER/Urgent care I smell??" Lucky them. Anyway, I am pretty sure they were not 3rd degree, but they said I was describing third degree burns....anyhoo, I was in and out in 40 mins, gauze wrapped, and with pain pills. First and second degree burns over 40% of my hand. They wanted me to come back the next day to be sure the swelling went down, no fever, and that is was going in the right direction being a cancer patient. My neighbor drives me home, I walked into the garage - oh look, one down, fabulous, I want to vomit....I go to bed, get up, do my daily things but can't do everything because my hand is pounding, so I rest. That did it....I rested. I was exhausted, boys came home from school, got them to bed, burn is looking so much better (I did go to the the clinic and they are amazed at my recovery), and went to bed at 7:45. I woke up in the middle of the night and remembered all the things I had planned for the weekend. They are all fun, but I can't do them. This spiraled into a mental game of the cancer is winning, I am a lamo that is going to bail at the last minute, what a disappoint, when will I learn, which continued to spiral until I was over the toilet vomiting. Sounds like a train wreck, right? It is. I ended up sleeping for 11 hours and I am better today, I am calm and more forgiving of myself. I know that I need to retreat a bit, take care of myself, and rest. So, I have cleared my schedule and will a homebody, resting, and understanding that I can't do it all. Maybe someday I will accept that...then again maybe not. This has taken me forever to type this, BUT my hand continues to improve. Lavender oil is amazing for burns! I will be better next week and that is what I wanted after all a good thanksgiving. If I don't post before then, Happy Thanksgiving to you. Love, Ang