It has been a long day.....

For weeks, I have been waiting for results.  For weeks they have not come, so I scheduled an appointment far enough away to get results, but not far enough to get treatment before we leave.  The last week has been riddled with shortness of breath, what I believed to be heart palpitations, lots and lots of anti anxiety pill (natural and otherwise).  Yes, alcohol is included.  Amazing how a stiff drink will ease pretty much any woe.

Oddly, Friday morning, my left knee was a mess.  It is the injured one.  The arthritic one.  The one that will have to be replaced.  But, I have not had problems with it for years.  Did I sleep wrong?  How do you do that with a knee?!?!?!?!  But just with the focus on another thing, all my shortness of breath, anxiety, etc. vanished.  Silver Lining?  We will see.

11:30  - Blood.
12:00 - Hank.

At Blood, Jackie (nurse, cancer survivor, parent that taught me about playmobile when the boys were young) was like, "What happened?  Show me everything!  Show that to Hank!"  We did have a great conversation and she gave me great advice on SE Asia.  I love her to death, well not really death, but you know what I mean.

Waiting for Hank I had all my vitals taken.  New nurse.  Gave her advice on adopting a rescue, purchasing a bernadoodle, and having long car ride with boys when then are teenagers so that they will talk to you.  She has a 22 month old boy.

Here are the results.......genotheraphy is a bust.  For the items that I scored on, it is inconclusive.  Not to say it would be 10 years from now, but for now it is.  So, if we pushed forward, the likelihood of getting the drugs to do the trick are almost impossible because there is not evidence they will work.  I get that.

So, now what will be.....I am not back full blown chemo, but I am close.  It is called CPT 11.   After discussing SEVERAL options and what seemed best and the most appropriate for my cancer and believe me Hank went down every rabbit hole there was, explained it to me, and was clear on what would work.  I am also a patient that will pretty much to anything on any schedule.  It works to my advantage and THANK GOD I have a community to support it.

Because of our schedule we can get in a round before I leave.  It is once a week for two weeks, and then one week off.  I start Tuesday.  First round requires a driver, I have one.  I will be in infusion for what they say is 3.5 hours, which could EASILY turn to six.  Biggest side effect....diarrhea (what is new), destroys my blood counts which oddly have been continuing to get better and are almost normal, and loss of hair.

Me now...no anxiety, knee still kinda hurts, disappointed, but I have a plan, not dying tomorrow or next week, will see India, but I can't say I am dancing around.  I am a little flat.  My mom is thrilled and happy that there is more - and I'll I could say is, "I am happy, you are happy."  My mom replies with, "But the alternative?!?!"  I reply with, "Of course, but at what cost?"  This had been a horrible year.  I was just suppose to meet and touch base with my new docs and I have not only done that, but now have more new docs and two new protocals, cyberknife, and now chemo lite.  It is a tough way to live.

MealTrain is open again.  And I could use some help with walking Howie later on as it is cumulative.  House cleaning can be done by the boys and I.  A spring yard party might be in order as we really didn't get to much this year.  I will let you know.

Please enjoy your weekend.  I am sorry that I am not more happy, happy, joy, joy, but sometimes you have to be sad, sad, gloom. gloom to get there.  I will...give me the weekend.

Best,

Ang