Since my last post, it has been a bit of a nightmare. It ended well (so for those of you that chastise me....it ended well...lol).
Last Sunday during the Broncos game Nolan got a fever and he was complaining of back knee pain. I let is go for most of the day watching his fever, but got a scare from a long time ago about hamstring pain and fever. CANCER. The weekend clinic was open until 3:30. It was 2:50. Grant, you can lift him. Here are is medical cards....go. I finished the game with Mason. We finished in the street with all the Bronco fans in the neighborhood and then Nolan and Grant came home. Sprain on the knee. Fever, well, a fever. WHEW. Monday, both kids were home. Mason was totally congested, Nolan knee and fever. We watched the STAR WARS and the boys were like, "Why do they always jump when they die?!?!" "Boys, it was 1977. Those WERE the special effects!" Tuesday, Mason goes to school. Nolan still down for the count and sleeping with me so I can ice pack him down from 103 to 102.5. Wednesday, no school. Nolan's fever breaks on the 36th hour at 102.5 but Grandma is now sick and we can't do their mail (or go down to play x-box). Thursday, everyone is back to school, but contractors need me for countertops. I miss Bible Study. I am not good when I miss Bible Study. (FYI - my contractors said, "Please go on your Monday walk." Translation, "We will take care of Nolan and Mason. You are a freak show when you do not get your exercise and no one needs that.") Yes, my contractors now care for my children and they are probably better at it!!! I think the same will soon happen with Bible Study. I understand this is NOT a compliment, but I do want to let you know that is just how good my contractors are...... Friday is pretty normal. PTA, life, my papa (calling me at all the wrong times - but at least he is calling me and believing me), and my body. I say my body because it is "handling" all this. I get up, get my kids to school, answer contractor questions, go to the grocery store for the one item I am missing for my camping meal, pick up the kids, try and keep my PTA, Council PTA, my family and my extended family happy, but it does not always work. I think this is normal life, but I am conflicted to believe it.
Grant and I took the boys to our favorite local restaurant this weekend. Everyone had a great time EXCEPT for Nolan. He claims he was tired and needed to go to sleep. He just wanted pasta. GREAT! It is an Italian restaurant! It went on and on, but the cru de gra was on the way home he said (no lie), "There are a lot of things that have happened to me that I just keep to myself because they were hard." I was like, "So, is this like not wanting to be in a restaurant so bad that you put your head on the table and said you needed to go to sleep?!?!" "Oh no, that was different." he said. I said, "Well, suck it up next time we spend $100 on dinner and I will believe you...."
Yes, I am a horrible parent, but seriously?!?!?! Yes, I should probe into those statements, but it you know me, I ALREADY did. Nolan is my challenge and most days I look at the sky and say, "Pregnant (which I would have never compromised him), terminal cancer (which doctors would have wanted to take him early or terminated him), and terminal cancer AND him. SERIOUSLY.
They say that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. I plan to argue that VERY SERIOUSLY one day. Good news....today is not the day.
Happy week, Ang
Sunday, January 31, 2016
Sunday, January 24, 2016
People say to me regularly, "I don't not know how you do it....." Well, I don't.....
Okay, yes, my life it "different" than others. My "activities" are, well, "sometimes more intense.", but life is not easier for me than anyone else. Let me explain.....
So, life continues on. With cancer, without. And then with kitchen flooding and a Alzheimer's diagnosis. It does not care if you have been burdened, infertililty, have cancer - you know the terminal kind or really anything. So, here I am.
I manage a terminal disease of Stage Four Colorectal Cancer that I get to have four surgeries for of late ( two down, two to go) and then, as you know, my kitchen flooded, and my Father was officially diagnosis with Alzheimer's. Yeah, it is bad.....
So, here is the deal. We do not tell him. It just makes him sad. We tell him that he has trouble with his memory. He remembers things in bits and we are so happy when he does. However, my mother, as of September, had not paid a bill in her life. There is a learning curve. The only one he trusts is me - and that is limited. He wants me to balance the checkbook - are you kidding?!?!?! So, I have introduced him to online banking. Not that he can log on and check, but to how it works. He is pretty good, but always asking questions. Seriously?!?!? The checks clear so fast. He is amazed.
In any case, my Mom and I have it handled. Accounts, bills, etc. I meet with them every week. We do the bills, things are paid, and, well, everyone is fed and watered. We just wait for the next debacle....
On another note....everyone in my world is always amazed at how I "handle everything". Well, first, I have no choice. Second, I have a lot of support from family, friends, etc. And, third, well, I just don't. At school, we have a new Principal. She is truly lovely. As PTA President in her last year, things have been different, but not as you would unexpect from a change. I have been saved from some things and thrown into others, but it is all good, as all experiences are. So, as I am wrestling up the last Student Leadership Meeting on Thursday where somehow we have almost 10% of all the students in an over populated school there because we did not want to be unexclusive, I started to get a migraine headache. I turned to my co-volunteer and said, "I cannot talk I am starting to get a migraine." No one noticed. Not even the teachers that talked to me on the way out to the car. I was escorted home by volunteers because my bigness concern was that none of the students know.
So, no, you can't do everything and I can't either. I would have been fine if my kitchen had not flooded and if my Father did not call me every other day because he is afraid. But, I am going to finish my promise and I am going to answer my phone and I am going to get the kitchen that, quite honestly, I want. Funny thing is, I am in a Bible Study right about boundaries, and making space, and making space for Sabbath. Odd how things happen.....
Next year....well, next year is already planned. I will do the Treasurer position of Neely and for Kent Area Council if they will have me, but nothing else. Happy to volunteer, but not to lead. I have done that enough and I need to take care of my own again. I loved my work at the school, but it has become too much and I need to balance. My tour of duty of three years is over as of June. I will be happy in my limited, yet still engaged role.
Happy Sunday,
Ang
So, life continues on. With cancer, without. And then with kitchen flooding and a Alzheimer's diagnosis. It does not care if you have been burdened, infertililty, have cancer - you know the terminal kind or really anything. So, here I am.
I manage a terminal disease of Stage Four Colorectal Cancer that I get to have four surgeries for of late ( two down, two to go) and then, as you know, my kitchen flooded, and my Father was officially diagnosis with Alzheimer's. Yeah, it is bad.....
So, here is the deal. We do not tell him. It just makes him sad. We tell him that he has trouble with his memory. He remembers things in bits and we are so happy when he does. However, my mother, as of September, had not paid a bill in her life. There is a learning curve. The only one he trusts is me - and that is limited. He wants me to balance the checkbook - are you kidding?!?!?! So, I have introduced him to online banking. Not that he can log on and check, but to how it works. He is pretty good, but always asking questions. Seriously?!?!? The checks clear so fast. He is amazed.
In any case, my Mom and I have it handled. Accounts, bills, etc. I meet with them every week. We do the bills, things are paid, and, well, everyone is fed and watered. We just wait for the next debacle....
On another note....everyone in my world is always amazed at how I "handle everything". Well, first, I have no choice. Second, I have a lot of support from family, friends, etc. And, third, well, I just don't. At school, we have a new Principal. She is truly lovely. As PTA President in her last year, things have been different, but not as you would unexpect from a change. I have been saved from some things and thrown into others, but it is all good, as all experiences are. So, as I am wrestling up the last Student Leadership Meeting on Thursday where somehow we have almost 10% of all the students in an over populated school there because we did not want to be unexclusive, I started to get a migraine headache. I turned to my co-volunteer and said, "I cannot talk I am starting to get a migraine." No one noticed. Not even the teachers that talked to me on the way out to the car. I was escorted home by volunteers because my bigness concern was that none of the students know.
So, no, you can't do everything and I can't either. I would have been fine if my kitchen had not flooded and if my Father did not call me every other day because he is afraid. But, I am going to finish my promise and I am going to answer my phone and I am going to get the kitchen that, quite honestly, I want. Funny thing is, I am in a Bible Study right about boundaries, and making space, and making space for Sabbath. Odd how things happen.....
Next year....well, next year is already planned. I will do the Treasurer position of Neely and for Kent Area Council if they will have me, but nothing else. Happy to volunteer, but not to lead. I have done that enough and I need to take care of my own again. I loved my work at the school, but it has become too much and I need to balance. My tour of duty of three years is over as of June. I will be happy in my limited, yet still engaged role.
Happy Sunday,
Ang
Sunday, January 17, 2016
2016 started out with a bang....
So, as the story goes, things were going well, right?!?! Good scans....good kids....good business...and then BAM! Kitchen flood. Okay, so that is it. One would think. But it never is. A long, long time ago, I wanting to do a loft over then living room. There was a contractor that had done a couple. I was like, "Let's do it!" We were half way through an upgrade to our kitchen at the time. (If I am repeating myself.....move on...you have better things to do...) I thought it would be one price and, well, this contractor was like WAY more than that. Funny thing is that he said, "Well, I can't do it for that, but what is going on in your kitchen?!?!?!" Apparently, he did not like the white floor with the black granite tops and the stainless steel appliances with yellow paint. I explained that we were stuck on flooring and I was back in chemo and I did not know what to do. It was just flooring and painting and the bathroom that I had all the stuff for, but no one to install it to finish it. He said, "Well, why don't I fix this (meaning my horrible kitchen) and then we can see if we like each other and then we can talk about the loft. I told him, "Okay, but it would have to be done in six days." He replied, with, "Okay." And he did. I went to chemo. I stayed at my parents after. It sucked, but chemo sucks, but then I got to come home to my kitchen. DONE. Like he said six days and I cried. My kitchen was beautiful. Better than I had ever thought I would see it.....but that was years ago......so fast forward......
So, as most of you know, our kitchen flooded. It was not a pipe but the hot water intake tube to the dishwasher. Who knew that could do that much damage?!?!?! The insurance gives us all the money we claim....WHAT?!?!?! Our contractor is stunned that never happens. Well, it did. On January 11th, we go into the remodel we realize that the plumbing is crap. Contractor approaches us....mind you he shattered the first pipe. I love him, but WHA?!?!?!? So now, here we are.....the pipes in our house suck. They shattered on minimum impact. $10000 later and holes in all or of walls, we are clear of all the bad pipes. Poor guys. No really poor guys, while they are telling me all the horrible stories of these pipes and then one guys has to take his roommate to the hospital for surgery and then another guy doesn't show up (this is why you get a GENERAL CONTRACTOR), I announce on Thursday afternoon that I am going to the hospital for my second out of four surgeries for my esophagus that I will be loopy on Friday, but Grant is able to handle all the questions. Remember, I was suppose to have the entire house (outside the kitchen) to myself, but because of plumbing delays and disasters, I now have holes all over my house and then plan on sheet rocking in my Master bath on Friday. They all look at me like I have six heads. I said, "Don't worry. The boys will come home. They will ask you where the water is available today, they will do there homework and then Grant will be home at 4:00. They are not allowed to bother you or use you for parenting. They are used to the drill." And it all happened that way. They were all very sweet on Friday. Not bothering me, only having my main contact come up and ask me questions. I certainly did not dress up for them - pjs and my hair in a bun. "I am sorry you have to go to the hospital...." I reply with, "Don't worry, it is kinda my job, I will be back full force next week." And I am.
The procedure which is called a EGD with banding or Esophagogastroduodenoscopy with banding went well. Only one and a half of one this time. Next one will be in March. They put me under general anesthesia cause apparently I was a bit combative the procedure before. I think I was challenging my Grandmother........ I have to keep doing these until they go down there and nothing is there to band.
So between the remodel, cooking in a make shift kitchen in my living room, PTA, and Bible Study I am full up at the inn. Bible Study is SUPER interesting.....it is about observing the Sabbath. Really observing quiet. Oddly, I get this concept. I had it during treatment because I could not do ANYTHING. The quiet brings clarity. It will be interesting as my position of President comes to an end, I am really looking at all the commitments I have made and all the commitments that I am responsible for. I believe that 2016 will be a year of reflection, renewal and change. I need more space to be quiet.....
Here are some pictures from the beginning....we now have all the cupboards out, plumbing in, and sheet rock up.
Happy Sunday,
Ang
So, as most of you know, our kitchen flooded. It was not a pipe but the hot water intake tube to the dishwasher. Who knew that could do that much damage?!?!?! The insurance gives us all the money we claim....WHAT?!?!?! Our contractor is stunned that never happens. Well, it did. On January 11th, we go into the remodel we realize that the plumbing is crap. Contractor approaches us....mind you he shattered the first pipe. I love him, but WHA?!?!?!? So now, here we are.....the pipes in our house suck. They shattered on minimum impact. $10000 later and holes in all or of walls, we are clear of all the bad pipes. Poor guys. No really poor guys, while they are telling me all the horrible stories of these pipes and then one guys has to take his roommate to the hospital for surgery and then another guy doesn't show up (this is why you get a GENERAL CONTRACTOR), I announce on Thursday afternoon that I am going to the hospital for my second out of four surgeries for my esophagus that I will be loopy on Friday, but Grant is able to handle all the questions. Remember, I was suppose to have the entire house (outside the kitchen) to myself, but because of plumbing delays and disasters, I now have holes all over my house and then plan on sheet rocking in my Master bath on Friday. They all look at me like I have six heads. I said, "Don't worry. The boys will come home. They will ask you where the water is available today, they will do there homework and then Grant will be home at 4:00. They are not allowed to bother you or use you for parenting. They are used to the drill." And it all happened that way. They were all very sweet on Friday. Not bothering me, only having my main contact come up and ask me questions. I certainly did not dress up for them - pjs and my hair in a bun. "I am sorry you have to go to the hospital...." I reply with, "Don't worry, it is kinda my job, I will be back full force next week." And I am.
The procedure which is called a EGD with banding or Esophagogastroduodenoscopy with banding went well. Only one and a half of one this time. Next one will be in March. They put me under general anesthesia cause apparently I was a bit combative the procedure before. I think I was challenging my Grandmother........ I have to keep doing these until they go down there and nothing is there to band.
So between the remodel, cooking in a make shift kitchen in my living room, PTA, and Bible Study I am full up at the inn. Bible Study is SUPER interesting.....it is about observing the Sabbath. Really observing quiet. Oddly, I get this concept. I had it during treatment because I could not do ANYTHING. The quiet brings clarity. It will be interesting as my position of President comes to an end, I am really looking at all the commitments I have made and all the commitments that I am responsible for. I believe that 2016 will be a year of reflection, renewal and change. I need more space to be quiet.....
Here are some pictures from the beginning....we now have all the cupboards out, plumbing in, and sheet rock up.
Happy Sunday,
Ang
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