SOMETIME YOU JUST HAVE TO FILL IN THE BOX....

For the past two days, I have been medical facilities.  One was for my annual endoscopy.  They continue to monitor the effects of my liver damage because of all the chemo I had.  It was fine, but they will talk and chat for a month to see if it is to the point of treatment, surgery, drugs, etc.  If I sound flip, I kinda am.  I am monitored so close and they still do so much to me to be sure that nothing goes wrong, I am still on two shots a day for blood clots that happened FOUR YEARS AGO.  My liver started slowing down half way through all the chemo I had which resulted in ultrasounds, annual endoscopies (sp), etc. etc.  I bet normal people who do not get scanned all the time have all this, but they just do not know it.  The fact that I can complain about it....well, that is priceless.  Let me continue....

I am at that age that we take care of EVERYONE else.  My grandmother is still alive, my parents are needing my help more and more, I schedule all the family vacations and have to discuss it four times and then do all the work, I am on the PTA (President no less) and the kids at school just treat me like staff.  "Can you open this?"  "I can't find my sister."  "I need to use the phone."  "Where is the garbage?"  REALLY?!?!?!?  Eyes!!!!  Anyway, I digress.  

I was talking with my Dad the other day and he was telling me what a completely awful day he had had. "They just cancelled my colonoscopy and there was NO INFORMATION as to why!"  1.  Most people would be happy with that.  2.  Really - that is a bad day?!?!  Do you live in Disneyland normally?!?!?!  I just listened and crossed my eyes.  I love love love him, but that is not a bad day.

The friends I saw over the weekend saw my angst.  They live it with me and I love them for it.  Grant just keeps saying, "Ang, everything is going to be okay."  Now, to a panic-ritten (sp) individual like myself I am like, "How do you know?!???!  Lots of people die everyday - GOOD PEOPLE!  Better people that I am!!!"  It is not worth it for him either.  In this example, I am my Dad.

So, life goes on and I spend the entire day today at the cancer center.  I have to call my neighbor's son, Luke, to get questions I left on my desk to ask my oncologist.  Insurance, Social Security, banks, I don't know, maybe the trash guy, maybe in the Fed Ex man need to know my status.  I have to fit in a category.  A box.  I am not in remission.  I don't get that word.  Too many recurrences of my cancer.  So, I ask Hank and he says with caution (because I do not think they want to say these things), "Your chronic disease is stable.  The reason you still have your port (that was one of the questions) is that you have had so many recurrences that we are able need to treat it again."  Stable.  Chronic.  Disease.  Funny part is - I think that is a good day.

A new goal was reached today - by my next scan I will be 15 months cancer free.  I have never, since May of 2007, been cancer free that long.  Before, the number to beat was 13.  

THAT IS A GOOD DAY.  Now, back to being the Mom who told her son there was no track today and is in trouble with a 10 year old, to planning vacations, going to doctor's appointment for family, speaking to social workers and nurses for grandma, doing t-shirt drives, fundraisers, and trying to keep it all together.  Everyday is a good day for me.  Yeah me.

Happy Tuesday, Ang