Mother's Day

It is interesting because I always think of what I was doing last year. Last year at this time, I was in-between lung surgeries. The first had gone well. I was sleeping sitting up. I was going between my parents house and my own. I was helping my Mom plant her plants in the pots on her landscaping wall (so that I didn't have to bend over) and digging/planting with ONE ARM. Donna would watch movies with me at night. I have not been out for Mother's Day for years. I am usually helping my Mom plant, Grant takes care of the kid/kids, and brings both of us dinner. This year was very different. This year we were going to Toronto to visit Grant's Mom. He hasn't been with his Mom on Mother's Day in about ....oh, 20 years. We thought it was time. My Mom handled it GREAT. Tough for a woman that only has one child. She planted all her plants herself - what a trouper. She and I celebrated Mother's Day last Thursday and had a very nice time. Here is where the story takes a turn. We were leaving on Saturday morning. Mason had been a little off all week. He was waking up in the night. He was crawling into our bed. He was tired, cranky, and just not himself. After his bath on Thursday night, he yelped when I brushed my arm by his ear, then daycare called on Friday saying he had a low grade fever and that is when I said, "I gotta go to the doctor." He had an ear infection in BOTH ears. He didn't want to tell me because he wanted so badly to go on the plane to see his Grandma Lil. He kept saying, "Mom, I can handle it." I was like, "No, you can't. It is 7 hours on two planes. Two take offs and two landings." I could not do that to him without having at least a couple days of medicine in his system. The good news is Grant and Nolan did. Grant was with his Mom on Mother's Day and Nolan FINALLY met his Grandma Lil. After Grant and Nolan called to say they arrived, Mason and Nolan were talking on the phone and Nolan said, "MASON! We have TWO Grandmas!" Mason sat down, crossed his legs, and replied, "Yes, yes, Nolan we always have. We used to have two Grandpas, but one died." Just like that, "..one died." O-K-A-Y.... After that, Mason decided that he needed a sleep over at Grandma and Grandpa's also. So, he called and asked. They, of course, said yes. So, on Mother's Day, Mason woke up, packed his bags, got the coffee machine set up because Dad wasn't home to make me a coffee, and took me to breakfast. He paid and everything. Like, went up to the counter and paid with his own money. We had a great day and that afternoon, I dropped him off and came home by myself. My Mom made a great dinner and sent me home the leftovers. Now, for some, you would think this was sad. But, I wasn't. They are all finally free of the fear of losing me - FINALLY. This feeling is amazing - for me too. I got home and watched a movie, I got caught up on email, I took a long shower, I went to bed REALLY late, I got up REALLY late, I went to the gym, I stopped at like 4 different grocery stores only confirming that I love Fred Meyer. Now, I know I have been home a lot. I have been alone a lot in the past three years, but this time I was alone and healthy. No kids, no husband, and no cancer. I could do anything. I could go anywhere. I could, but all I wanted to do is cook, pet my cat, watch movies, and sleep. Fourteen years in this house and it is still my favorite place. I remember when it was just Grant and I, when Mason was born, Nolan and cancer, paramedics in my living room, all the people that know my house inside and out from cleaning, taking care of kids, emptying my dishwasher, yard work......everything. And now, me, home, alone, healthy. A new chapter. Mason came home yesterday. I smelled behind his ears, tucked him in and told him I was so glad he was home. Nolan and Grant come home today.....Happy Mother's Day to me. Love, Ang

Learning to live with PSD

Everything is going well, Grant's business is rolling along, I am busy with the boys and T-Ball, swim lessons, work, BUT then there are still the doctor's appointments. Every time I have to go to the doctor, my blood pressure is high, I talk REALLY fast, and I sweat - like a lot. I had this reaction going to the DENTIST. I will say, I did have a dentist appointment at 7:00am. Mornings are still not great for me. It is a whole issue that I am not going to put on the blog. That is one of the three boundaries I have left. So, I have resorted to anti anxiety meds in many cases. If I don't things like this happen.......I scared my GYN/Oncologist at my last appointment. He is a very tall, older Southern gentleman that, after I down loaded my three bladder infections in six weeks, my aversion to my continued physical therapy because of the three bladder infections in six weeks, and then started apologizing for my selfishness on complaining about bladder infections when he is administering chemo to patients down the hall. His eyes got big and said, "Angela....uuuuu....we need to....well, need to....." I spouted out, "To backup??? Yes, I know, a gal with my medical history is bound to get wound up...." He looked at me, pierced his lips and raised both of his eyebrows like, "YEP". He didn't say a word. Smart man. Pause. Pause. Shallow breath. Shallow breath. Then, he very gently put his hand on my knee and said, "You know, first we need to get you comfortable with all this. All of this is normal....based on your treatment.....you have no estrogen......your body is in menopause.......this is normal.....especially with the PT.........you are fine.......you are doing well......let's do an exam.......I can give you an rx that you can take on trips with you so that if you get a bladder infection when you are out of town you are covered......but if you are in town please come by and leave a sample so that I can track this.....you are very good at self diagnosis with bladder infections.......will that reduce your anxiety?" Exhale. Yes. Exam actually went great. I don't have to see him for six months AND I don't have to do another ultrasound. So, either I am doing very well or I scared the pants off of him and he never wants to see me again. Time will tell. Medical PSD - FABULOUS. So, I think the anti anxiety med are the best plan for a while, don't you???? Happy Wednesday - Ang