Sunday, June 3, 2007
The day my life changed forever
May 24th at 10:00pm, my husband got to tell me that I had cancer. I had just gotten back from a trip with my aunt to her cabin in Plain, Washington. We had just gotten everything unpacked, the kids in bed, and I was exhausted. Traveling with two kids is busy enough, but when one is three months old it is twice as taxing. So, let me back up.... In early May, I made an appointment with a colon/rectal doctor. I had bad hemorrhoids with both pregnancies and they just weren't going away. In fact it was getting worse, and I couldn't ignore them anymore. The last thing I needed to do is go in and then have hemorrhoid surgery. First, who wants to do that? Second, who wants to do that??? I went in on May 11th. My doctor wanted to do an colonoscopy on the 18th. I was like, "Why?" and the nurse said it was just a precaution. So, May 18th I went for a colonoscopy. Not a bad procedure but the public farting proved to be a bit of a challenge for me. They found something and took a biopsy. He told me he wasn't sure what it was, but wanted to know where I would be the next week. I told him I was out of town, but that my parents, and my husband were on my release form so that he could give the results to them. On May 23rd, my doctor called my parents and Grant. My parents ended up telling Grant late on the 23rd and Grant told me on the 24th. When he told me, I walked away from him, I tried to go downstairs, in the bathroom, etc. My first question was, "Am I going to die?" The second was, "What about my boys?" I settled into the master bathroom with my back leaning on the cabinets on the floor. I cried, and I told Grant that if anything happens to me that he had to promise me that the boy would know how fiercely I love them. Both of us crying, he promised. That night I was up for most of it. I watched my boys sleep. It was a strangely calm night and they were peaceful. I prayed to see them go to the 1st grade, I prayed to see them graduate from High School, and then I prayed that if I didn't that the path their father would have to take with them (without me) would be easy. The next morning we had a meeting with the doctor at 9:00. My mom came to take care of the boys and we were in the car by 8:00am. Everything had been arranged for me. This was hard. I am the one that does any family arranging. I am the one that coordinates health care, social events, family events, birthdays, etc. It was like my world stopped.
Posted by Angela Clarno at 6:41 PM