Tuesday, April 20, 2010


Last Saturday was Mason's first ever T-ball Jamboree. OMG. First, I was never a baseball person. I played sports where you had CONTACT with the ball. Soccer, basketball, etc. Stick or racket sports have NEVER been my strength. I am particularly hilarious to watch at racquetball. I just don't get it and I just stand there laughing hysterically. Anyway, we are there, all is going well and then....yep, you think I would get over this crap, but there are pictures and each team goes across a line with just them and their coach. NO PARENTS. Okay, Mason cannot read, but when I got to the line he said, "Mom, not you. Just me and my team." I replied a bit confused my his ability to know that, "Okay - smile like you do for professional pictures, not my pictures!" I didn't think anything of it, but then I looked around. Grant had Nolan.....and I had....well, I had no one. So, glanced over and there were a group of parents lurking over at the picture site. They were out of calling range, but some parents were still trying. I didn't say a word. A woman started chatting with me, but I couldn't really hear her. I was just staring at Mason. She was talking about Kindergarten. All the kids on the team are divided by school so they will be going together in September and all I could hear was, "BLAH BLAH BLAH..." I just focused on Mason. I knew I was probably being REALLY rude, but I wanted to see if he could do it. He was up next. They give him the bat. They show him how to pose. He does it. On the first try.....and it is BEAUTIFUL. He was perfect. Without me. And then I exhale......he can do it.....I got here.....he is five......I got here. See, I worked at Childhaven and more than that I bought and, quite frankly you should too. I always knew the principles of what happens to kids between 0-5, just by watching how we all grew up. Then, I volunteered in an orphanage in Mexico after college and I found that the kids that were there from birth were FAR better adjusted, socialized, healthy, and happy then they ones that came from a "family" that fell apart, died, whatever. I was a business major, so I wasn't a person that could intellectually talk about it, but it didn't take rocket science to figure it out. When I was first diagnosed, I said, "I need 15 years so that Nolan would be 15." When I realized how bad it was, I prayed for five years. Just five to feel my love, just five to be safe, just five so that he could learn, love, and be loved. Just five. And that is when I turned and went to find Grant. Luckily, the woman got interested in something or someone else, so it didn't look so obvious. As I walked, the tears came. I made it for Mason, now there is Nolan. I guess the the best part was that I truly know in my heart that Mason and Nolan would make it even without me. I have known the greatest community I have even seen - my family, my friends, and some people that I have never met. They took care of me, loved me, cheered me on, cared for me and my family...the list goes on and on. No matter what happens, they will be loved and, most likely (jury is still out on Nolan, but he is coming along) they will love RIGHT BACK. Yeah - I made it. Love, Ang P.S. If you want to know more about child development and the first five years of life, see childhaven.org - they are on Facebook too - who knew?!?!?!

Monday, April 5, 2010

And we are potty trained!

Wow, are the stars aligning or what?!?!?! Four accidents the first day (before the first pee in the potty), didn't make it to the potty in the middle of the night in time BUT DID NOT pee the bed, one accident yesterday, did not wet the bed last night and none (so far) today. I am slightly amazed but THRILLED!!!!! He is QUITE a kid! Love, Ang

Thursday, April 1, 2010


PERFECT. Yeah! Love, Ang

Chest X-ray

in 9.5 hours. I don't know why I am up. I have no reason to believe it will be bad. Yet, here I am - sleepless, restless, and just plain scared. The anxiety started to creep in a week ago.....then it got worse, then better, and then it was AWFUL yesterday. I feel that I may be wearing my friends and family thin with all of this and I am quite sure Grant is done with it. I have asked if this ever goes away. The answer I always get it NEVER - even five years out. I don't want to be this way and I can't figure out how to change it. I try to do things different every time, yet, it is always the same and I forget something (like the water bill) or lose something (like a diaper bag) EVERY TIME. In addition, my Mom is going in for cataract surgery tomorrow. She is actually THRILLED and has been waiting for this for a while. What sort of weirdo wants surgery on her eyes!?!?!?! I see Shelly (my cancer girl that I talked about in January) tomorrow in chemo - she is doing great by the way - amazing girl. We hope that she is done - like done done - in June and she certainly is blazing down that road! And then, I go for my X-ray at 11:40. Susie (my other cancer buddy) just happened to be going to give her blood sample tomorrow, so she said she would sit with me while I wait for results. It will be fine - either way - or so I keep telling myself. On the flip side, when things are NOT anxiety ridden, life is pretty good, pretty crazy and we are now entering the world of potty training for Nolan. Many of you I have told this story too, but a lot mentioned that I need to blog it....so here goes, ending on a crazy/funny note.....enjoy! March 17th email to my baby group......"So Nolan is READY to potty train, but he is just too bull headed and will not even wear the pull ups that I had left over from Mason. (NOTE: Pull ups are a type of diaper that you can pull up and down like underwear - used when you are starting to potty train.) I have done everything, day care/preschool has done everything. Today, I had had it! I said, "Fine, you are buying your own diapers." AND HE SAID, "OKAY!" So, as I was getting ready to go to the store (because we are OUT of diapers), I got their money out, gave them both $20 (of their own money remember) and said they could buy ANYTHING THEY WANT, but Nolan, you have to buy diapers which cost $20, so I guess you can't. We got to the store, Mason picked a toy, Nolan wanted it, but I said, "Nope, you have to buy diapers." So, as we were going to the diapers, he screamed, I am mean SCREAMED, "I WILL USE THE PULL UPS!!!!" and then looked at me and said, "Now, can I get a toy?" I said, "Yep, but remember this, when the pull ups are done, you are either buying your own pull ups OR going in the potty." And then he said, and I don't know how to spell it, but he was like, "AAARRRRGHHHH!" What a TOOL!" ....Okay, fast forward to now....we are low on Pull Ups and Nolan told me he wants to go buy diapers. I said, "You will buy pull ups or go on the potty." We got out the calendar and he decided that he would go on the potty THIS SATURDAY and be potty trained by when the Easter Bunny comes. Quite a feat I am thinking, but he is quite a kid. Wish us luck! Love, Ang