Tuesday, March 22, 2016

I am fine.

So yesterday, March 21st I had a scan at 3:35.  Check in at 2:20.  I don't usually like afternoon appointments, but I took this one because I wanted it done before Spring Break.  I was distracted all weekend.  Tyrus, my Brother in Law or "husband to Jane", arrived for a visit in between his ski days.  My Aunt spent the night unexpectedly on Saturday, but then it was SCAN DAY.  I was like, I am going to be FINE.  I am not going to worry.  I feel fine!  Breathing good.  Energy good.  I got this.  I was good for a long time that day and then, well, when I was drinking my contrast after all the "business" was over, blood work done, appointment with Hank on Wednesday confirmed, Trivia Crack done and I scored 11 (wha?!?!), and then it was just...the wait.  So, I put it on Facebook and by the time I was called in, 10 comments and 18 likes later, I calmed down.  My worry was not erased, but eased by just sharing....  "Hey dearie, you are up...."  We talked about her 2 and 1/2 year old, how I am the last scan of the day and she promised not to leave me in the tube (that happened in Arizona!), how one of the workers in the lab has left to live on two acres in New Mexico (so happy for her), etc.  Okay, on the table, IV in, and now the seven minutes that will determine the next three months of my life.  Maybe I should have done this AFTER Spring Break....  "Breathe....hold your breath."  "Breathe....hold your breath."  Injection.  "Breathe....hold your breath."  "Breathe....hold your breath."  Done.  The new employee took out the IV and said, "Dr. Rogers says Hi."  I laughed and said "Hi" back.  I said, "I am kind of an old timer these days."  He replied with "I am a new timer and you seem to know everyone well...."  Son, I am not sure that is a good thing, but I laugh and say, "This is nine years and these are good people, so yeah, I guess I do."  Home.  Traffic.  I call the boys.  Homework check.  Nolan wants to watch a YouTube video...."Is your homework done?"  "No, but I am super interested in this.  I heard about it at school."  "From whom, did you hear about it at school?"  "Mrs. Waterman."  "FINE.  But homework next!"  What is the saying, "There is no rest for the wicked?"  Get home.  Grant is home.  Confused, but he was like well, I thought if anything went wrong......  Sweet.  Eat dinner.  Mason off to Hockey, Nolan off to soccer, but the phone rings - Swedish Medical Center.  I answer, "Hank?"  "Angie?"  "Yup."  "You are fine."  "Hank, I am coming back on Wednesday you did not have to call."  "In that case, I know NOTHING and I will see you Wednesday."  "Are you afraid, I will cancel now?!?!?!"  "Of course, I miss you!"  I roll my eyes which I am SURE he can hear.  "Okay, okay, so give it to me....two spots still there, how are they doing?"  And then he goes...."one may or may not be a tiny bit bigger"...."don't worried about it"...."stable"....the peanuts teacher voice come in as my hip leans into my new beautiful kitchen counter, my eyes close, and I exhale.  I am fine.  Then, I realize he is done.  With a mild shake of the head, "Okay then, I did my blood work already, so I will see you on Wednesday."  "Deal."  "Deal."  "Bye." "Bye."  "Mom.  I am sorry to bother you, but I cannot find my shin guards."  And life goes on.....

Big thank you to everyone that follows Facebook - I needed you and dang you delivered.....wow...

Back to bed.

Happy Tuesday,

Ang

Monday, March 14, 2016

Just an update....

So this was my scrap booking weekend that I had to not go to because I needed to get my Dad to Dale's (the most influential male in my Dad's life) Birthday.  I mentioned Dale a lot in my last post and my life seems to be full of "life end" experiences.  So, let's start with Friday......Nolan made Mason and I breakfast......as I walked into the kitchen with it smelling of natural gas, Mason asking who farted and me realizing that I have to train them on this. We lived, but with the windows and fan going.  Nolan made a beautiful breakfast with scrambled eggs in toast and strawberries all around.  I am so lucky.  Yes, the kitchen is "done".  There are little things to do but my contractor will do that.  Saturday, well, that was going to Dale's birthday.  I mentioned him in the post before.  My parents and my family got in the Expedition at 9am and traveled to Grand Coulee Medical Center for a 90th birthday party.  We could not be more welcome.  Dale is good, but old.  His has trouble with his words, but I am used to that.  I saw the family - amazing how they love us and welcome us.  We are so lucky.  I told my family to fan out and get your info - we can discuss on the way home.  We only had about an hour.  My Dad can't handle much more than that.  I love the Bly's and the Etters, and the Bly's and all that are associated.  I love hearing about their adventures and loves and passions and sports.  Dale even had Canadian connections which I knew about but Grant did not.  I introducted them and said, "You are Candadian, he is Canadian...discuss!"  Grant loves that, but oddly he get a lot of information!!!!! I can talk about that stuff forever.  I guess I am a true Eastern Washington girl.  I love them.  I had some time with Dale by myself and he was struggling to speak to me.  Luckily, I have a fair amount of experience in the, "I can't talk anymore" stage.  He kept saying, "Keith, you, family...."  I finally said, 'Are you saying that Dad and I are family?"  He said, "Yes."  I looked at him in the eyes and said, "I know that, you showed me that.  You are my Grandfather and I love you.  We may not be related, but we are family.  Period."  He cried.  I cried.  He would not let go of my hand.  "Do you need to say Goodbye to the boys?"  "Yes."  The boys didn't understand, but they did what I asked.  Dale cried again.  His daughters asked how I "really" was.  I answered and I am well, but I needed to be strong for Dale.  I kept telling him that I got Dad, it is okay.  I will take care of him.  You do what you need to do.  His wife came in and said, "Dale, we will see you on the flip side."  I practically fell over.  Flip side?  That is what I say - she is like 80!  So, I said the same thing.  Pat, Dale.....I have a lot to look forward to on the flip side.....pretty cool actually.  We had to leave.  Dad was tired.  I could have stayed for a week.  Everyone in the truck and gone.  Grand Coulee will never be the same for me - especially if Dale passes there.  As I have said before, he changed our lives.  His family loves us.  All of them.  How lucky are we to have such a good family love us....?!??!  Wow.  My Dad says to the "truck" or "family", thank you for coming.  What else would we do?!??!?! We were invited to the hottest birthday in Washington!  Who does not go to that!?!?!?!  Back we come, late that night.  Sunday is Nolan's soccer, Mason at church with Ethan and Nolan's Birthday at Virtual Sports.  Exhausted.  Monday am I get a call about a Gas Inspection at 9am.  I will be here.  I cleaned the garage, do my PTA stuff, send emails that actually are important, have a teacher stop me and say, "OMG, I had no idea how much you did!!!!" (she went to a PTA meeting at her son's school) and move on.  Oh, and I was at school early to do students hair for Crazy Hair day.  Mason loved it because people would comment on someone's hair and they would said, "Mason's Mom did it!"   I should have had girls.  One comment - Bly's or those related DO NOT READ!!!!  So, I was CONVINCED that there would be food - like real food - at this party, so we did not eat until we got there.  To our dismay, there was only cake and punch.  When starving, that works.  I had NO idea.  So, when we left we were looking for anything and most things in that area are closed or, quite frankly scary unless you know where you are going.  Mason, my car sick boy, ended up puking in Soap Lake right in front of a cafe that I had looked for two years ago.  It is the crazy cool Russian place that my friend, Shannan (with an "a") told me about.  I cleaned him and the car up and we went in.  The woman in there was AMAZING.  We ate lunch - sandwiches, borscht, and dumplings, bought Pergories, Russian candy, etc  and had the best time.  Go there - Mom's Cafe!!!  To a great weekend....

Happy Monday,
Ang

Monday, March 7, 2016

I can see the end of the tunnel....but then....

Life continues to go.  My kitchen continues to improve. The boys continue to be boys and I continue to wonder if I am a good parent.  Let's start with President's Day week.  This is the week that Mason broke a promise to me.  I do not want to go into the details of it, but I want you to know that I made five....FIVE.... promises to my Dad.  They were serious and clear and I have NEVER broke them.  So a promise in our family (Clarno) is serious.  He would say to me, "Angie, I am asked you to promise me.  That is forever."  I guess I got it, because I never questioned it.  Apparently, Mason did not know that.  He now struggles with it everyday and so do I.  I used to trust him without a doubt, but now, well that trust is broken and it has to be rebuilt.  Not so easy in my family.  I thought I was different, I thought I was better, but I am not.  Kids defi rules.  All kids, even mine which I find so heartbreaking.  He made me a promise and then broke it less than 12 hours from making it.  Yeah, clearly, I am a wreak.  At the same time, Nolan got called up for a job at the University of Washington study.  It was a study he has been involved in since he was 2.  I remember going with Mason and him.  It was Nolan's first "job".  We got there early and I thought we should check out the construction site and then Nolan (age 2) started stomping about and saying, "I can't be late for my JOB!  You are going to make me late for my JOB!"  Mason and I looked at each other and strolled across the street to his "job".  He was mighty early, but Mason and I were NOT going to get in the way of that.  A lot of these studies have money attached to them. 75% of Mason's had money, but it was not great as he was born in a recession.  Nolan had amazing returns.  $90 for the interview and $40 more for follow up.  It was ridiculous.  This was a follow up interview and paid $50 just for the interview.  We scheduled it and, I have to say, these individuals have become part of our family.  They ask me how I am and I believe that my "situation" has brought more to their study.  So, this study was the first to have the cameras turned off and had Nolan give confidential answered about his feelings towards me.  Son to Mom.  So, lets back up.  I could be in the room with them with all the tests or I could be in the next room with a camera.  I chose the next room with a camera.  Better for the study. They told me about the "alone" questions and I was fine.....well that is until then did them.......remember, I trust them, but this was big.  Relationship questions between him and me?  That could depend on the drive up!  I had to have faith.  I know my relationship with Nolan and, quite honestly, I think I get him the best.  I got through the silence and when he appeared......, "So, Nolan, did you throw me under the bus?!?!?!"  Both answered, "NO!" and I was fine.  Demons always come to diminish you.  They could not take my Nolan away, but then, they could......the good news, he is a mandated reporter, so if Nolan said, "What?!?!?!!  She is a crazy lady!?!?!?"  I would know.....thank God for little favors,  So, as I go through boxes while my kids ask me questions like, "Can I play Clash of Clans?  When can I park my bike in the garage?  The bike rack at school is already bolted to the ground.  Why cannot I not use it???"  And here I wanted them to talk........

So, life continues.  I had to canceled my scrapbooking weekend because I need  to take my family to Dale at Grand Coulee.  It is his 90th Birthday.  Mason's Hockey Team is out of the playoffs so the whole crew can go.  Mom, Dad, and my clan.  It will be good for all of us.  My Dad is really looking forward to seeing Dale.  Let's face it, without Dale, my Dad would be a two bit auto mechanic in Sprague Wa with an attitude.  Nothing wrong with that, but honestly, he would have been a punk.  Thank GOD for Dale.  The one man that he loved and that loved him back.  We are SO LUCKY to have had him.  Then, when I went to Gonzaga, Dale had dinner with me every month.  Never have I been so cared for by extended family.  He showed me pictures in the halls of Gonzaga with him in them and he gave me roots.  Roots are important.  I never thought that until Spokane where people acknowledged my last name, "Clarno, I knew a Herman Clarno, are you related?"  I learned quickly to say, "I am sure we are - we all are. Clarno is a rare name."  The sadness was that was the first granddaughter of Herman Clarno.  I met him once upon his diagnosis of cancer - he stayed at our house for his diagnosis..  He acknowledged my Dad and me, but he had his own life with his second wife and kids.  I don't know what to say about that, but it was hard living in Spokane with my name - have a job where people wanted to place me,  At the same time, Dale Bly placed me clearly as his and honestly, that is were I wanted to be.  Loved unconditionally no matter what my roots were.  That said I kept my name when I married.  While it was easy because most of Grant's friends did this, it was rare in my American group.  I now get messages on my machine about being a Clarno.  Herman, long gone.  Yes, yes, I am a Clarno.  No hard feelings, just sadness on the love that could have been.  Yet, the only Grandfather I knew, "Randolph", loved me fiercely and I would have never had him without Herman leaving my Grandmother.  So, what is better?!!?!  I honestly do not know.  Grandpa Randolph was one of the best men I have ever known.  Clarno.  Bly.  Randolph.  Exhale.  Loved, accepted, and cared for.  I honestly don't get it, but I do.  Hopely, my boys never have to deal with this, but y'know it is not so bad.  The Bly's accept us.  They love us.  They invite us to EVERYTHING and we are so appreciative.  My boys need to know that we are one generation from real hardship.  That opportunity, love, and acceptance can CHANGE EVERYTHING.  As it did.  Amazing how one man's interest and love, changed an entire family.  My boys.....well, one has his education paid for already through GET credits.  We are financially conservative, pay our bills, started a company, travel, educated our kids, love, volunteer, and invest in our community.  Seriously, I think we did better than a punk from Sprague.  No offense, but I will take on anyone from Sprague.  I am sure their are good people from Sprague (actually Ewan, but have you been to Ewan lately....it is dead), but we would not have been one of them.

So, life goes on.....I am a failing mother because I did not wash all the laundry in time for the game.  I am horrible because I make them do their homework and do not let them ask for extensions....."SERIOUSLY, EXTENT IONS....YOU ARE 9.  WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO DO?!?!?!"  I am able to deglaze a pan now.....YAY!  I can't figure out my new kitchen..... no way....but I DO NOT HAVE CANCER AND I AM NOT IN CHEMO SO REALLY WHAT IS SO BAD?!?!?!??!?!

Love, Ang  Happy Sunday!