Monday, May 30, 2011

What a difference a "good" week makes.

So, after having chemo, eating clams (which we have established is NOT a good idea for me), and then having chemo, I was explaining so weird things that were going with me to my oncologist. He, of course, wanted to see me. I, of course, went. By the time I got there, I was CONVINCED that I was having liver failure. My oncologist listened to me, he ran blood tests and a urine analysis, he offered to postpone chemo on the 31st, etc. He showed me my blood work for the last hundred years and he taught me how to read my blood work. These things I have NEVER been interested in doing until now. And, then, in the kindest of voices he said, "We can do all of these things, but I cannot advise you to change treatment unless there is some objective evidence that there is something wrong." Translated - "You are psycho and absolutely FINE." But, I felt REALLY loved while being psycho and fine. So, I went home, talked to Grant, thought about it, and decided that I was fine physically. All the sudden, my anxiety went away, my pains went away, and I was free to enjoy the rest of my life. And, I did. This weekend was great - I did almost nothing, y'know, for me. But we worked as a family, I went to a play with my Mom and Aunt, Grant did an amazing job on the yard - it looks amazing, I cleaned a little bit, I took the boys to swim lessons BY MYSELF, and we even got to have a play date with some neighbors where the Moms slipped away and went shopping to the Nordstrom sale to be a personal shopper for my neighbor - a role I LOVE. I got flowers and Copper River Salmon from my boys. This really was a banner weekend. Do I want to go to chemo tomorrow? No. Can I go to chemo tomorrow and not worry about liver failure to the point that I am having a martini now? Yes. I always need to remember that this time I year is hard for me. This is when I was diagnosed, this is when I loss Bob, and, now, I lost another fighter. I only knew her through her blogs and email, but she was a true fighter. Oh well, I will NOT think of that tomorrow. Tomorrow is about rallying. Tomorrow is about fighting for my position. Tomorrow my love/hate relationship with chemo continues. Here is to having a great holiday weekend, Ang

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Every day I Check for an update on how you are feeling. Thank heavens this update was more positive and happy. Good luck with that chemo...thinking of you. Love, pam

Jennifer Burkhardt said...

Beautiful Angela, you are so inspiring. My thoughts and prayers and LOVE to you....

Anonymous said...

Well Ang you have all the symptoms of a first year Med student, convinced they have self diagnosed the illness they are studying that week. Next time you go see your oncologist wear a white lab coat and hang a stethoscope around your neck and give him a chuckle, sounds like a nice guy. Remember that your success is their success and those of us far away are, like you, convinced you are in the best hands. As the Irish say "May God hold you in the hollow of his hand until we meet again" love pat&mag

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