Thursday, May 14, 2009

All is not perfect, but it will be okay

I went for my follow up to the lung surgeon today and they found that there is air leaking out of my right lung. It is not horrible and if they were not trying to get me in for another surgery on the left lung, we would probably just wait it out. Since that is not the case, they will be putting a value in me tomorrow. It is a one way valve that will allow the air to escape, but not go back in. This will allow my lung to fully expand and seal the hole. If you just look at it like that it is pretty cool that your body can do that! So, the good part is that it is completely fixable. The bad part is that it is another surgery, another trip to the hospital, another procedure, another fast, etc. So, I will be there at 6:15 in the morning and leave sometime early afternoon with a valve attached to me. Silver lining? I can use conditioner. My followup for this will be on Tuesday. If all goes well, I will be in surgery on Friday. I know, I am not thrilled about Friday either, but if it is not then I cannot do it until the following Wednesday because of the Memorial Day Holiday. So, this afternoon, I have spent talking to schedulers, nurses, rearranged my schedule, my help, etc. trying to let people know what is happening in my life so that they know what is happening in theirs! Sometimes all of this is overwhelming and I can do it all until someone says, "How are you doing with all this?" Most of the time, I answer, "I am okay - I have so much help it is easy." Which is totally true, but sometimes if they catch me just one degree off, I want to curl up in a ball and cry. I want to cry for my fatigue, the burden that I put on everyone on know, my luck that it is all going well, as well as, the fear that it might not, for the inability to scrapbook and how far I am getting behind because if something bad happens that is all my boys will have, etc. etc. etc. I am two weeks into a process that will take another seven weeks. Am I strong enough for this? Everyone says I look good and I am ready for the next surgery, but am I? I think I am. I want to be. Then I relax, breathe, and tell myself I can, I will, and I will be fine. I have to be and that is just it. So, for the next 90 mins, I am going to get organized for tomorrow, pack up to spend the weekend at home with my family. Then, Karissa will bring my boys home. She is going to stay and visit for a while with one requirement - a glass of wine. I would need a glass of wine (or two) if I took care of five children! What an amazing friend (and she works for cheap)! I am going to enjoy my time with her and let all this crap slip away for a couple hours. After all, we only have right now. Have a great weekend, Ang

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Praying for you this morning. Your hair is going to look fabulous:-) You can ALWAYS find the good in something and that is what makes you extraordinary.
Your unmet friend

Anonymous said...

You are so strong and an inspiration to all of us. Thinking of you this morning and wishing you well.
All our love.

Anonymous said...

Angie

The valve will be better and help with your breathing and energy although you have had a lot of stamina and energy thus far.
My thoughts and prayers are with you today for your valve.

Take care my friend
Love Peggy

Anonymous said...

Your honest account of your full life and your full heart are an inspiration to me everyday. You are in my thoughts.
Love, Jennifer Sparr

Anonymous said...

Hi Ang,
You are in my thoughts. I think about you daily and all you have gone through. You are a strong woman with an amazing attitude.
Love to you and your boys.

Vivian

Allison said...

Angie - I would never ask you how you are doing. We all do well until that question then we fall apart. I will only tell you that I KNOW you are doing fabulous and you will continue to do so.

Love
Allison

Kari George (AKA Mom) said...

((((Big Hugs))))...just as Logan would say as he squeezes you tight! Well, just imagine the big hug...'cause you sure need one! Our thoughts are with you! Love you lots! Kari

Joanne said...

I hope you had a good weekend given all of the sunshine. Thinking of you.