Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Radiation starts tomorrow....

Well, I got the okay on radiation and I am going to start on Wednesday. If all goes well, I will also start a pill form of my chemo Monday which is a lower dose than what I was taking before. I asked why I couldn't keep doing the same chemo with radiation and the answer was, "You would die." I thought, "Well, all righty then, I guess that defeats the purpose." I was experiencing a lot of anxiety around changing the plan, getting child care organized everyday, and burdening so many people for the next little while that I started to cry yesterday and Mason saw me. He came up and said, "Mommy, are you sad? Do you need a hug?" I said yes and as he hugged me he said, "Everything is going to be alright." I replied, "Yes, it is baby. Yes, it is. Thank you." Then, he said, "Okay, I go play with Nolan now. BYE BYE!" All boy that one, but sweet and kind just like I wanted. I am so humbled by the fact that people are so willing to change their lives so that I can go to these appointments EVERY DAY (M-F) during the holidays. Coordinating all that has been so easy - thank you. Still elated by the news from Monday the 29th about not seeing any cancer on the PET, I have been doing a bit too much and the weight of it hit on Sunday. I was exhausted. I need to remember slow and steady. My Grandfather used to say that to me. "Angie," he said, "Slow and steady wins every time. Slow and steady." I miss him. I didn't pay enough attention to his advice until I got older, but he was the best Grandfather a person could have and the only relative that I had no blood relation to. HHHMMMMM.....maybe there is something to that (grin). So, off I go, starting tomorrow everyday to be zapped in the butt, lose my skin on my hands and feet - fun, and feel guilty for leaving my kids everyday, but time will pass soon enough and I will be better. I was thinking the other day about how I am going to repay all of this. I thought, "I am really good at washing cars. Maybe I can wash everyone's car? I will do one family a weekend until everyone that has helped me gets their cars washed." Then, I started counting it out and, if I did it right, I would be busy every weekend until 2010. Maybe I need to rethink that one...maybe two families a weekend - that would be 2009....and the stream of consciousness continues.......have a great day, Ang

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

You don't have to repay anything. Got it? I don't want to see (or hear)that again.

You being alive is payment enough.

Slow and steady does not mean obsessing about owing anyone anything.

I'm a bit snappy today it seems. Just worried about you being worried...Just want to make sure you hear this message loud and clear.

Anonymous said...

Forgeddabout the car wash, in fact I should come over and wash your car. I feel like a dues paying member of the human race when I contribute my small efforts toward helping you. A while back one of your supporters wondered what they would do for pen pals when you were well. They were saying that helping you helped them. Double that for me and Mag. Remember "Kissing pumpkins and tickling Tomatoes?". Mason has the technique down perfectly. Love to you and yours, pat&mag.

Myrna said...

Angie, If any payment were needed-- and it's not-- for those who've leaped forward to help you out your telling this story is so HUGE! You probably have no idea what an immense treasure you are and what an impact on lives your story is having. Just keep on loving those kids and Grant and letting everyone step up!! And keep on talkin'...
Myrna & Don

Auntie Jane Hainsworth said...

Would one of you people out there hide that girl's bucket and sponges, Please.... Jane(From North Carolina)