I waited all night for a call from the Cyberknife docs on Tuesday. No one called. I emailed Hank and he said, wait until tomorrow (Wednesday) and if not call them. At 8:15 on Wednesday, a schedulers called and said, "I was supposed to call you yesterday and the only spot we have today is 9:25. You are in Kent, you probably can't make it." "YES, YES, I can." Shower off hot mess, dress, pull back wet hair, walk in at 9:26. I wanted to get there because then if they say no, I have to go to ablation, radiation, etc. etc. etc. and I just want a plan. I was ready for the "tour of treatment", being told I am amazing, your journey is incredible, you look great (really the bar is so very low), you are so young, I was expecting someone older, Hank admires you so much, Hank is amazing, can you summarize your experience because I could not get through your entire file, yada yada yada.....thank you, that is nice, very kind, CAN WE JUST FRICKIN' GET DOWN TO THE BRASS TACKS AND TELL ME WHETHER YOU CAN FIX THIS OR NOT?!??!?! Truly, it is all very nice, but I just need the plan.
So, with my my anxiety NOT in check, the nurse comes in. "Well, we haven't seen you in a long time! (HUG) You look great!" She is a real sweatheart and that she remembered me is nice. Vitals (BP high - y'think!?!?!), weight, go over the main items, "Okay, the doc will be in. You will like him."
Doc enters. Very nice man, late 30s early 40s. Kind and gentle. He asks me couple questions and then goes to the computer, "Hank, probably showed you the pictures." "No, it was too early. We called for it to be read." He points to it and I am like, "That thing is m------r f---------g HUGE!" Luckily, the words stayed in my head instead of bouncing out of my mouth as they very commonly do. And then it comes, "Cyberknife is the perfect treatment for this procedure. It was made for this tumor. Success rate will be in the high 90. We will mark off your spine, so no implantation of markers (which is the part that hurts). I am in a little trouble with the front because the insurance is not all figured out yet, but we will do that this week, next week planning, and the following week treatment - just five." The words washed over me. The plan is done. Exhale and exhaustion slowly set in. We talk a little more and I learned he has three kids under four and I was like, "WOW, you were busy." (Unfortunately, those words DID fall out of my mouth....) He laughed and said, "The are all in-vitro." "MINE TOO!" Chat, chat, chat and then I pushed him to his next appointment, "You don't have time for this.....GO!" "I see why Hank likes you." "GO!"
This week - I do nothing and emails, letters, and opinions fly between docs and insurance.
Next week - planning sessions and mock treatment to see that the machine is programmed properly.
Week of the 22nd - Treatment one hour laying a table with no breaks while a laser moves around my body marking off my spine and hits every single cell in that m------r f--------g tumor. BYE BYE!!
Thank you for all the love, comments, calls, hugs, and my mom coming over to let me cry while I was holding two phones. Thank God the boys are off at camp and I have a plan, Thank God Mason will be at Hockey Camp during my treatment because he doesn't handle it very well, Nolan.....Nolan will want to go to the appointment and make all sorts of shooting sounds as sound effects for the machine. And Thank God for doing everything in my world to keep my appointment. I was listening (albeit defiantly, but listening).
Many people have mentioned food and help and I think I will be okay. Mom can take Nolan when I go to treatment and, honestly, there are no side effects. I may be a little tired and a little nauseous because the laser might hit my liver, but that is it. And, as usual, I am cleaning my house because that is what I do when it comes back and my carpets are drying as I write.
But, in the off chance you still want to bringing me dinner, I won't say no.....five meals, Monday - Friday week of the 22nd. Lara Castillo is doing the meal planning email her at firstname.lastname@example.org.