Friday, August 13, 2010

Update - Me

Yesterday I had a bunch of appointments and one was with my new colorectal surgeon. I am one of those lucky cancer patients where you can see a tumor site from the outside. Yes, "lucky" is relative. After three chemo appointments, my original tumor site has not changed. That is good. We don't know if it has killed the cancer, but we know that it isn't any bigger because of a thorough exam yesterday. YEAH/yeah. I am happy about it, don't get me wrong, but do I sometimes wish I got a cancer where they can't "feel" it?? You bet! So, the plan now is to do three more treatments of chemo, then do a PET scan and see where we are at. My oncologist was like, "So far so good!" Spare me if I am not as excited as he is, but at least I know what I am doing from now through the end of September. What I think is funny is I am like, "So, when are we going to fillet me like a fish and get'r done?" and they just look at me like, "There is no right answer." I am like, "Yeah, there is. Cut is out - I can be ready like tomorrow....." And they look at me with a mix of, "Wow, nice to have someone so willing to do whatever...." What they don't know is that I am having a harder time going through the chemo center doors. I know - I should be thankful, but it is darn hard. I will get through it - I have to just keep my eye on the prize. What is the prize?? Well, life, but I like to be more is 10 years from now tearing my hair out with two teenage sons threatening that I am going to make them drive an Orange Gremlin if they don't shape up (I would do it too!).....the prize is going to Hawaii for a month (Kauai for three weeks in Hanalei Bay renting a house and the Big Island for one week to see the volcanos), Europe the summer before Mason starts working as a family, Kentucky with my Mom and Aunt, an cruise of Greece or Alaska or Scandinavia to St. Petersburg - I am not picky or anything, the Ol' Lahaina Luau on Maui with Grant (someday Honey we will get to Hawaii again for an anniversary. NOTE: Our anniversaries since cancer have been ruled my chemo. Looks like this one will be too. Except last year, we went to visit Jane and Tyrus. I know like WHAT!??!?! Technical failure on that one! I think airfare was cheap....), etc. So, I need to really focus on the prize, fight my hatred of chemo because, after all, I am here because of chemo, and move on, move through, and keep going. I can do - I know I can. Enjoy the sun this weekend! Love, Ang


Kari George said...

I think I can, I think I can...said the little train! You can do it Ang! Let's stick together on this!

Love ya babe!

Laurie said...

Baby, YOU are the prize. Although Hanalei sounds pretty yummy, too. Is that, er, a romantic vacation or one in which old pals can invite themselves along?

Keep hanging in there, Ang. Each time you walk though those doors to chemo is one step closer to kicking cancer.

Big love to you today, and always.


Myrna said...

Somehow, Angie, you manage to turn your brain and heart to whatever positive is lurking out there. Keep it up! Those boys are like little beacons walking out ahead of you. Keep following the lights.
Love to you and the fam...

Libby Titus said...

I'm thinking about you guys. Your dread of chemo is strong; your will to live is stronger... (Would that make a good fortune cookie fortune?) I wish there was a better way. Hang in there. It will all be worth it when you are in remission again and have your life back. - Libby