Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Wow - it is already Tuesday...
I think the thought of chemo again was easier than chemo again. Everything went exactly like it always did. For some reason, I thought I would have better control over it. I have been out of chemo for so long (15 months), I have been working out and I am strong. Here is the secret....chemo is stronger. I got through all the usual suspects constipation, not really remembering much, etc. I even remembered when I was on the phone to check interest rates for refinancing the house, I thought, "Wow, maybe I should not be doing this right now" and I handed the phone to Grant. He was like, "Who am I talking to??" I replied, "Wells Fargo to refi the house." And he was like, "O-K-A-Y." He willing took on that project. I also remembered that I should not do anything with Visa Cards or bill pay. There were some very questionable purchases/payements last time and me saying, "Yes, I know I bought this, but now (in my right mind) I really want to return it." Donna did a great job with the kids at her house in Stanwood. She even had to go to the ER with Nolan for a gash in his head. Darn coffee table! Yep, Donna got the first trip to the ER with Nolan. She did great and Nolan didn't even cry - stitches and all. It may have been a blessing in disguise. He has been batting at his ear and I have been checking for ear infection for about a week. So while he was there, Grant told Donna to have them look at his ear. No ear infection (which I was confident in), but guess what?!?!?! He had a bead in his ear. I am not kidding. I suspect it has been there for a while.....nice.....great parenting. So, ear saved and forehead stitched. Poor Donna, but even poorer Krista, my cousin, who was stopping my my Aunt's house and was quickly whisked away to the emergency room since she is a seasoned parent of two. She was extremely helpful to Nolan talking him through what was going on and what was going to happen. Nolan told me that she said, "rista say it will be all better Mommy!" Thank you Krista!!! Then Monday came. Physically I was better, but I couldn't shake the nausea. I was nervous about taking anti nausea because of their side effects on my bowels, and finally my Mom said, "Ang, this is not the chemo. I think you need an anti-anxiety pill. You are worried about everything - Nolan, how you will cope on chemo, how you will do this time..." This is where she stopped, but I went on in my head with....being a burden on Grant, not being able to support Grant in the business, not being able to cook and "save" money, not be able to work [I was planning on getting a real job with clear scan results], how are we going to make ends meet with a new business, etc.)" So, I thought about it and thought, "Crap, it is worth a try." I was a little concerned about how many of those I was taking. I am such a nilly, I took less than 12 in a year - four of which were in the last month. Yeah, a real addict!!! I remember getting a refill on them, but he only gave me 12 the first time, so in my mind I didn't have that many, but when I reached for the bottle I found that I got 30 this time! So, I popped one of those suckers and nausea GONE. Anxiety - what a bitch. It is amazing what happens when you calm down. All the sudden everything is okay. It may not be perfect, but is manageable. Nolan was fine with a huge band aid on his head and able to hear me saying, "Is it a good idea you are on the counter....I can still get your milk you know...." We decided not to refinance the house because really, Grant and I are in a very good financial situation. We did it right for 16 years and now we are benefiting from it. We took Jane up on coming out to help for a few weeks and we paid for the ticket (first class even!) with miles (thank you - you know who!). At about that moment, Mom says, "Honey, I found dinner on your porch but there are no instructions." I think, "Crap, it is Monday and I slept through someone coming." I checked the calendar and it was Danielle - bookclub, steady helper in this - and I say, "Mom, can you go the computer. Danielle would have emailed me. Damn, I missed her. She will have instructions, ingredients, how her kids liked it or not, etc." So, my Mom says, "You don't need a computer! Try my new IPAD!" glowingly. I mean - GLOWINGLY! Of course, she has an IPad. My Mom is the most techie "senior" around. So, with a flip of the switch, I am connected, checking email and there it is...Danielle's email with everything. Such an organized girl! And, just like her kids, my kids ate it up, it was the first solid food outside of toast I ate, and all was right with the world again. We are going to be fine - because of medicine, because of proper planning, because of friends, because of family, because of help calendars, because of...well....love. Happy Tuesday, Ang
Posted by Angela Clarno at 8:57 AM