Friday, October 16, 2009

Life if I didn't have cancer

Life is moving at break neck speed and FINALLY I see things slowing down. We just got back from visiting Jane and Tyrus (my brother and sister in law) in North Carolina. We had the run of the house. I finally had a Chick Fil A sandwich (excuse the spelling) and went to Southern Season (Queen Anne Thirftway on serious steroids!!). Yesterday the accumulation of all things cancer hit me. As Nolan was helping me set the table, trying to make room for Auntie Donna and Auntie Jane and as Mason was asking when Auntie Jane is going to live with us again, I was thinking...what would life had been like without cancer? Nolan probably wouldn't know who the heck Auntie Jane was and definitely wouldn't have known Auntie Donna like he does. My parents would never have had the relationship that they have with my boys - and that would be a shame - it is beautiful. I would have never met Bob, Susie, Hank, Daniel, Dawn, Reanna, Diane, Micheal, Billy, to name a few. I would have never had a summer with Jane. I would have never known how amazing a support system is. I would have never had my girlfriends sit on my bed and talk to me because adults don't do that when they are out of college. Little Maggie's eye would have never peered over the side of my bed and told me all about kindergarten. I would have never known how to take a bath and supervise two little kids. Mason and Nolan would not be as self sufficient as they are which is a good thing! I would have never understood the true meaning of sunrise. Some of my friends took their first family vacation because of my cancer and the realization that life ain't forever. Others went to the doctor for the first time in years. My cancer constantly puts life in perspective for so many. Some have quit their jobs, others have moved jobs. Some have stopped putting up with anything they don't love. There is a saying that we are all connected. Others say everything happens for a reason. I don't necessarily believe the second. I believe that we need to make sense out of what happens in life. God doesn't punish us even though he and I have had a few arguments about that. So, at the end of this post I wonder, was it worth it? To feel more than I have ever felt, to love deeper than I ever loved, to feel love in a way I never knew I could feel, and to just be and have that be enough. YES. Happy Friday, Ang

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well said Angela! We can all see the glass as half empty or half full. Keep finding the positives and focusing on the good things; life is sure a lot more enjoyable that way.

Haley Ballast said...

beautiful words. and i too have let go of thinking that "everything happens for a reason"... the belief that has grown in me to replace it is this: "$*!# happens, but God has the last word."

erin said...

*tear

Dawn Finlayson said...

Well said.

Myrna said...

Life can be... wow... Hard! And the ways you've grown and the connections you've ALLOWED have touched me. Thank you... And I agree with Haley!!

A Johnson said...

Speaking of LOVE...
Happy 15th Anniversary-
- Angela J.

Anonymous said...

And I wouldn't get to read your wonderful blogging. You have such a way with words.
You are truly an amazing woman, with a fantastic attitude...way to go Ang!

Love, Vivian

laurie@duncancleary.com said...

Beautiful.