Friday, February 1, 2008

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

The good - my body felt really strong this week. I even found time for some projects. Wow, it has been a long time since that happened. However, the projects may be because I am sad from the "bad". The bad - after nine months of working with one of my cats getting old, having "issues" with the second child coming into the house (Kokanne was still waiting for us to take Mason "back to the store"), and cleaning the carpet A LOT, the time came to put her down. Now, most everyone reading this knows how hard that decision is to make and it would have been a lot easier if I was mad at her about the carpet, but in the last few days of her life she followed all the house rules. I knew there was no going back and that "this" was a one way ticket for her. In her final days, I made her as comfortable as I could and on Tuesday morning of this week, I knew it was time. I was really torn about where to take her. I wanted her to die at home with us as Kokanne particularly hates the vet. The poor thing has always been my special child. Always the one with the "thing" growing on her that we had to remove just in case, the one that had more dental work than I have in the past 12 years, the one that you wondered if she was having mini seisures when you played with her because she got SOOOOOOOO excited. Truth be told, she was a pain in the butt, but she was MY pain in the butt. (Funny that I have rectal cancer.) So, as the story goes, I got a referral from my neighbor to her vet that she loves. I called and they got me in that day. My mom took care of Nolan while Mason was a preschool and I was off. The vet was wonderful.. Kokanne and I couldn't have asked for better. He was kind and told me that it was time. She was having liver failure and that she would have past in the next couple of days, but it would have been awful for her. He said, "We could have done heoric measures, but her quality of life would not be good. She would be poked and proded beyond comfort." I just looked at him and nodded thinking - you have know idea how well I know that. Maybe that was why this was so hard. I was watching her die and just wanted her to have dignity and comfort. I didn't want some vet to judge me......I saw my mortality in her. I was comforted that it was time and she was gone in less than 10 seconds. I said my good byes and thanked him. I told him that I was sorry that the first time he met her was to do this, but that I would bring her sister in later this week for her shots and she is "hidiously healthy and will probably be fairly pissed off." He smiled and said, "Just like we like them!" The ugly......how I looked when I got in the truck. My eyes hurt from the back I cried so hard. She was my first kitty...the runt....my special child. I miss her, but I am content with the decision to free her from her pain. I still see her in the house as I have never lived in this house without her. Her sister is doing fine - in fact phased very little by it all, but so are cats. "Look now I get both hands petting me!!!!!!" Have a great weeekend - give your pets an extra hug for me. Love, Ang P.S. Swimming.....Mason is doing great, but now he won't get out of the pool! SHEEEEESH!!

3 comments:

Tess said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. That is always a gut wrenching choice when it needs to be made. But even mercy is hard on the merciful.

karen said...

So sorry to hear, Ang. Give Africa a hug for me.

Erin said...

=(