Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Life moves on....

Today, I took my kids to school.  I don't normally, but Beckey had to work early, so I took them.  At the last moment, I put real clothes on, but it is not like I was put together - no make up and I forgot to brush my teeth - I know GROSS!  As we pull into the school for drop off Nolan little voice says, "Mommy can you park and go with me?"  My heart melts and I say sure.  Thank God I put on real clothes and I wasn't in my pjs.  Really should have remembered to brush my teeth!  Mason, of course, does regular drop off.  Mason NEVER has had a problem with going to school.  He hit those Kindergarten doors three years ago and NEVER looked back.  Nolan, my tough guy, turns out is a bit of a softy.  I walk with him and drop his backpack at the classroom door.  I tell him that I want to see what he does in the morning.  So, he shows me and then, like a light bulb going off in his head, says, "You are not suppose to be on the playground!" and physically pushes me back through the doors and we go back to his classroom.  Some of his classmates show up and want to play tag, but you can only do that on the playground.  Torn, Nolan drags me to this area where the parents are standing BEHIND THE YELLOW LINE watching their kids on the play ground.    So, picture this, our elementary school has 737 students.  Average is 450 in Kent.  All I can see is my little toe head bobbing up and down and OPPS way down!  He fell and, of course, did not want the playground teacher, he wanted me.  After we patched him up, the first bell rang and I walked him to his class.  He hugged and kissed me wiping his little eyes and telling me he would miss me.  I told him I would see him after school and not to forget that his goal is to get a blue card (Kids are issued cards at the end of the day based on their behavior - blue is the best.  Nolan wants a blue.).  The announcements started as I left and it threw me back to elementary school.  I always wanted to walk and Mom always wanted to drive me.  I did not quite get it until now.  I never remembered the problems that we must have had as a family.  For example, I have lost my insurance yet again.  The company is leaving the state and because of my situation, my options are limited, but not impossible.  Problem is finding it.  I have been working on this all week.  I just also found out about a person very close to me not telling me something that I, of all people, could help them with.  They should have told me.  While I was helping all these other people, I should have been helping them, but they didn't want to burden me.  Really?  So, now, more than a year behind we start.  In addition, I got my scan results.  No some improvement in some spots, less in others.  Chemo next week is canceled.  Back to the drawing board and consults with surgeons to see if we can get it out or change chemo.  Oh, I am making cards with Trina at 1:30 and then again tonight when the boys are at soccer practice.  Thank God Dawn is bringing dinner.  Have I eaten?  Make cards, get call from my oncologist while I am her bathroom having an attack, take notes, get out, work on cards, go get the kids from school, call in the parking lot to get appointments for my "new project" because let's face it my name opens up some door in certain places, hang up, need to cancel chemo next week and advise my team they are off the hook, get out of the truck and feel mentally exhausted, pick up Nolan and Mason.  (pause)  Nolan got his first blue card.   Still in the same "real clothes", no shower, did I brush my teeth?  No, I don't remember any of the problems my parents had when I was young, but I know that they were there to hug and kiss me when I reached a goal.  Maybe somedays they forgot to brush their teeth.  I never noticed.  I hugged and kissed Nolan and we went to get Strawberry Sundaies at McDonald's.  Soccer tonight with Dad.  I am going to do cards.  And life moves on. Love, Ang

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